Gordonstoun vs shrewsbury defiant high iq girl

[ByRedTiger]

I have a defiant and high iq girl with high functioning asd and adhd medicated. Which school is better?

To be fair @ByRedTiger you didn’t give much context so it was difficult for people to comment. Some of the words you used (defiant, reset) were concerning for those of us with ND DC.

I did actually comment with my knowledge of Gordonstoun, as have others. But really we don’t know your DC or much about them beyond that they are defiant, so it’s kind of hard to be as helpful as you would like.

Why is it missing the point about the schools location being incorrectly said as remote.
The op is asking about the schools not your opinion on whether she should send her DD to boarding school.
Id say missing the point is answering a question that hasn’t even been asked

Every child is different and boarding does work for some children and not others with additional needs. Children that are pushing boundaries and getting into trouble can thrive when they are directed to more wholesome pursuits and given firm boundaries whereas others may burn out quickly as it’s not an environment they can get enough downtime to decompress. Without knowing you op I can’t say if boarding works for your dd. I have two nd kids, one would not have suited boarding, struggled with school but other boarded from 16, her choice, loves firm structure so much went into the military. A diagnosis doesn’t tell the full story, the expression that if you haven’t met an autistic person you have simply met one person is so true, the diagnosis is so vast and all encompassing that no generalisation can be made. I would say that for some young people with autism the home environment isn’t working for others, home schooling is the best option…. Poles apart but work for some

@minipie I referred to the folly of this plan initially but was questioned on my description of Gordonstoun. I did have DDs who boarded and I would not have wanted them out of reasonable reach. We attended numerous events at the school and that was important to us. For international parents, there might be occasions when they do actually decide to turn up and see DD and I’d aim to make that easy with a SEN child. But - I did address the issue of sending the dc away and I said it wasn’t a great idea. Others seem to prefer a discussion on the merits of Inverness.

I've had a night out in Inverness - don't diss it!

@MrPickles73 Was it full of boarders from Gordonstoun?

It was a long time ago so I don't recall..

Wow you’re a treasure aren’t you? Maybe you should try rewording this thread without using terms like ‘defiant’ and ‘reset’. Maybe you’ll get more helpful information and less judgement?

OP has told us almost nothing about her daughter, so I think we should just enjoy the thread. If people want to get worked up about how remote or otherwise Gordonstoun is, then why not. I enjoyed the episode in The Crown (season 2) where Philip was a pupil at Gordonstoun in the very early days of the school. It was a very tough school then. We then see Charles having a hard time with a cross-country race, decades later. Philip was extremely supportive of the school and sent all his boys there, not just Charles. It was a boys' school in those days, but subsequently went mixed. Interestingly, Princess Anne (who we're told was close to her father) sent both her children to Gordonstoun (a boy and a girl). Charles of course sent his sons to Eton.

1 vote for Gordonstoun - but definitely go for a visit. My friend has a son who is ADHD and was a school refuser when at our local school, he's now loving Gordonstoun, plays in the pipe band, good group of friends etc.

Thank you for this. Recently I spoke to someone who did not think she’s actually asd 1 since she is extremely social. We believe it’s more anxiety driven since on ssri she is much more like her pre teen self. Our thinking is that with multiple adult input and multiple peer input as well as a house boarding system that immerses her with kids all the time as opposed to the isolation she is used to now since she has no friends and is only online/ it will help her learn how to deal with others better and give her skills to be more independent. Our concern comes from the same place your concern came from- the issue of how she can manage without us.

By the way a therapist said talk to 10 therapists and they will all diagnose differently. It opened my eyes as to what’s asd1 high functioning and what’s not. What’s entitlement and rigidity from adhd and what’s not. Her adhd is real. So that’s why she takes meds but we are teasing out her behavior issues and are aware her social environment now may not be the best for her.

If you want her off her off I would drill the schools on how much time they can use phones and tablets per day. I know Shrewsbury is quite strict with phones but then they allow access to tablets during the school day..

I enjoyed the episode on Gordonstoun too! But what made us look at it was googling best asd support boarding uk. Gordonstoun actually came up surprisingly!

my concern is the lack of academic emphasis and also too much outdoor for a girl who is pretty physically lazy. Of course she can change but I’m worried the physical stress is too much and will lead to outbursts.

Thank you! You must have done very well on your English gcse to comprehend the point of my question!! I’m simply asking for school opinion not geography haha

Yes this is why we do not know. It’s. Or sending away to the farthest corners of the world- it’s that we do not have excellent schools like the uk where we are- day or boarding. Pastoral care is non existent. And we value British boundaries manners and self regulation skills- seems like some people here do not!

asd or not- kids need to learn these skills explicitly. So does my daughter and she is at an age where her peers are teaching her manners that are unacceptable and will harm her future. We need her to understand the world is bigger than the place we are in.

Our only concern is the academics. As a child defined by her intellect and abnormal achievements I worry more exposure to peers not interested in academics will be detrimental to her wellbeing.

The issue isn’t being as helpful as I like. I’m not forcing anyone to comment. The issue is the open house on just being rude for amusement sake which several commenters have obviously taken advantage of.

every parent of a nd child struggles with challenges only known to them. To judge a parent actively trying to do what’s right for the child is disgusting. To think a random person online cares more than the parent of the child is even more revolting. And to attempt to make the parent feel bad or publicly shame them is beyond words.

Why Shrewsbury?

How old is she and what are her interests?

I hope you are not suggesting I did any of those things @ByRedTiger
Some of your posts are a bit rude too, like: You must have done very well on your English gcse to comprehend the point of my question.

You gave us so little information – even now we don’t know how old your DD is or what she thinks of the boarding idea. That's fine of course, but we cannot help very well without that info. If someone is a parent at either school, they can only say how their DC have found it. Your opening qu was "which school is better" but to answer that someone needs to know more about the DC concerned.

This is a public forum and as such posters can say what they like as long as it doesn't break the Talk guidelines – which I don't think any posts here do, but if you disagree feel free to report them.

This struck me form a post by you Recently I spoke to someone who did not think she’s actually asd 1 since she is extremely social.

Not clear who the someone was – a medical professional experienced in ASC? But in fact ASC presents differently in different people and plenty of people who are ND are social, or at least mask to appear so. If she has a diagnosis then that's helpful.

Btw the term high-functioning autism is not used any more – if for no other reason, bc it suggests that those who are not high functioning are in some way low or lower, which is best avoided. It’s more than possible to be ND and be very bright, very able.

Anyway I hope you find a school to suit your daughter and I really hope she thrives there.

Isn't gordonstoun selective?

@claryit’s ok I didn’t take offence at the ops comment to me. I didn’t do GCSE English comprehension, did O grade English at a school a stones away from Gordonstoun 😂

Did not mean to be rude about the gcse comment. More a note that others are missing the point about the question. But I can see how some may have misinterpreted my statement.

daughter is highly intellectual and curious was motivated by learning now not so much. Hence the idea of shrewsbury for curiousity and well balanced education. We cannot provide British public school quality where we are.

She is not in 6th form yet