Ex refusing consent for son's private school bursary place

[Jonson2024]

Can anyone help?

My son (4) has been lucky enough to be offered a really generous bursary at a private school about 15 minutes from us, which would cover him for his whole education.

The issue is my ex. When we were together, we had both agreed we’d send him to private school if possible, but now we’re separated he’s being difficult. Initially he said he wouldn’t pay anything (fine — I’ve said I will cover the fees myself), but he’s now refusing to give written consent at all.

I’m feeling really stuck because I don’t want my son to lose this opportunity over what feels like spite, but I’m not sure where I stand legally.

Has anyone been through similar? Do I need to go down the legal route for this, or is there another way to handle it?

Any advice or experiences would be really appreciated.

You could try mediation, but I would get a good lawyer just incase. What is his reasoning?

Thanks for replying

This the thing he hasn’t given one apart from I’m not paying but I’ve said I will cover cost

I think you need to be very careful. It is very unusual for a school to offer a bursary to a child aged 4 . Also at the moment most schools make it clear that bursaries can be changed and reduced in future years,there have been many threads about such a situation occurring. Your ex could argue that he either cannot or will not pay fees and he is worried that if he consents to your child going to the school, that in future if the bursary was reduced or if you were unable to pay the fees then the school could try to hold him responsible because he has agreed to the child taking up the place. I am not sure you would get a judge to back you and that process could be costly. With so many private schools going bust these days I would be very careful about such a long term commitment. You may prefer your child to go to private school but do you really want to risk having to pull him out if the bursary is reduced or withdrawn? I would go state for now, save money you would spent on fees and reconsider at age 7 or 11.

The school have confirmed the bursary for the next 3 years and then they will check again to see if anything has changed.
The school is a very big school and expanding by the year so unlikely they will go under.
but the only reason he is giving is fees.

What is your plan if in 3 years the bursary ends? Will you pay the full school fees yourself?

Unless you’re both wealthy it doesn’t seem U of your ex to object to DC starting private education at such a young age. on the grounds of affordability and risk of DC having to change school for money reasons.

If for any reason things changed with the bursary , which seems fairly likely, it’d be disruptive for DC to switch to state school out of the main entry points of reception and year 7.

What school does your ex want him to go to? If he's 4 surely you've already applied for school places for September?

Are you in England or elsewhere in UK? Have you applied for a state school place.? I understand that the national offer day for primary schools is later this week. If you have applied then I would be looking to see if the school you are being offered is really unacceptable and you would need to persuade your ex why that is so.

Sorry quoted wrong poster....

Can you afford the fees without the bursary? In the long term. Secondary is likely to be far more expensive. Maybe he feels that he would be out of the loop if his child was at at school he can’t afford himself.

What’s the reasoning for the bursary if you can on your salary alone cover the fees?

Agree with others impossible to answer based on information given.

what is the basis of the bursary.

where are you based.

do you have a court agreement re childcare arrangements and maintenance?

Were you married?

does he see the child and does he pay maintenance or other support.

the position varies greatly for example, from Scotland to England.

at age four is there a better placed local school?

then reassess towards secondary

I am very suspicious of any school giving a bursary to a 4 year old. It smells of low numbers in pre prep school years so trying to prop up the viability that part of the school offering this inducement for three years. Then at age 7, the school decide to reduce or end the bursary but know some parents will then do all they can to keep the child at the school at least until the age of 11..I can well understand why the OPs ex wants no part of it.

I guess that’s why I’m asking these questions on here to make sure I have covered all possibilities.

so answers to some of the questions.

no we weren’t married,

i am in the uk.

he has no legal financial obligation to child
but has PR

do schools really take away funds if nothing has changed re finances?

They absolutely do. Criteria sometimes changes and you might find yourself no longer eligible. Do not send your child there if you cannot fund their place yourself if necessary. If you can’t, your ex has good grounds to refuse to give his permission.

They absolutely do. Criteria sometimes changes and you might find yourself no longer eligible. Do not send your child there if you cannot fund their place yourself if necessary. If you can’t, your ex has good grounds to refuse to give his permission.

ETA- I’m not sure why it double posted!

Surely that’s the point of a means tested bursary though? When you can’t afford it

I assume the Admissions clock is ticking so make an urgent Specific Issues application to court and let the Admissions team know what is going on. This is more common than you'd think and some schools will hold the place for you whilst you pursue it through the courts (for a time limited period anyway, hence the urgent bit). No judge will allow him to block this unless he has cogent, child centred reasons to.

so basically you think anyone who wants to go there but can’t afford it should get a bursary?

Could he be shafting you on maintenance and not want to school to see his finances and give the game away? Or does it not work like that?

I think she’s responding to someone saying “don’t send your kid there if you can’t afford it without the bursary” - her point is that they wouldn’t give the bursary if she could afford it. So if everyone took that view bursaries wouldn’t exist because no one would dare accept one for fear of it being withdrawn at a later date.

I think I would agree with you ex on this one. I wouldn't agree to a school place I could not afford unless the other parent could prove to me that the finances are securely set aside for the duration of their school life.

A full bursary at age 4? Wow! That’s very unusual. I would definitely be wary of the longevity of this bursary at a time when many schools are reducing their bursaries.

Not at all,
I think everyone is entitled to apply and put a case forward and it’s down to the school and committee to offer/decide at their own discretion. I think it depends on the child and whether the school feels they would thrive in their environment.
i think that’s maybe moving away from what I am asking advice towards.

The school have offered a bursary placement but father has agreed it’s my choice but won’t give any consent in writing and he also has PR.

I was trying to avoid applying to the court, but I guess it seems that’s the choice or use the state school option.

But you say you alone can afford the fees? Would that not make you ineligible for the bursary?