Why is behaviour so hard to manage in schools? Could single child syndrome be a possible cause? Homeschooling to help?

[Paperbear]

It occurred to me today that in school today there are so many only children. In a particular class I was thinking about - almost every single one of the boys are only children. It made me wonder whether this might connect to some of the challenges schools are facing today.

After all, a classroom made up mostly of only children is very different from the classrooms our grandparents experienced, when families were larger and siblings provided natural social and learning dynamics.

Perhaps this is one reason homeschooling can offer a more natural learning curve allowing lessons to move at a child’s own pace, providing one-on-one attention, and creating opportunities for learning that feel integrated with real life, much like the learning that once happened among siblings.

Parents!
Some parents just don’t have the skills, though that is a minority
Some parents are so busy juggling everything they don’t have time to parent, that group is growing.
And some parents think and treat their children like they are the absolute centre of the universe and can do no wrong. This group think that their job is to make sure their child experiences nothing negative so the children believe that can do whatever they want and rules don’t apply to them. Not only do they cause disruption in the classroom but the parents take up lots of teacher time as well!

I’m an educational psychologist and have worked with 1000’s of kids over the past 25 years. I’ve never noticed a pattern of only children being referred for support. In fact it’s usually children with multiple siblings/ blended families with very chaotic and traumatic backgrounds. I often work with the same families several times (different children on each occasion).

Behaviour in schools has always been a problem- I was at a large comprehensive in the early 70's , it was like a prison- everyone was locked out of the building when no teaching was happening. Discipline was very strong and corporal punishment was still used, and yet behaviour was still the biggest problem in the school.
Lumping all behavioural woes into a basket marked single families is disingenuous, lazy and completely unsupported by the facts.

Only children do not exist as a separate species. They are typical children. In fact statistically they are similar in outcomes and behaviour to oldest children with siblings. If your curious start with a search engine before you come on a forum and generalise and spread ignorant assumptions

@Paperbearyou say “it doesn’t mean we can’t ask the question or explore the topic. Your post has annoyed people because researchers have ALREADY researched the question of which behaviour is worse in schools and “only children” isn’t one of the reasons.

It’s really lazy and ignorant behaviour to come on a public forum and ask a question for which 5 minutes of Googling could have provided an answer.

This is similar to my experience, but with out the demanding to be sacked.Nothing really getting done about the root cause, abuse in the home which was effecting behaviour of the child at school.Nothing to do with being an only child.

In the past not everyone ruled by fear. There were consiquences for behaving poorly.Now you can't even say a child may not get a pudding or a treat of some sort if they have misbehaved meaning refused to something normal like cleaning up after themselves, or not hitting other choldren.Everyone has to be included in treat otherwise it's considered abusive? This I have experienced from other parents, it's gentle parenting bring badly misenterpreted.
The thing is what becomes of these kids later?
As adults they are learning to be bullies or having a false views on how life must revove around them.I fear for their own children.

Yes, I've seen secondary school pupils not getting their own way starting to scream and cry as though they've jus been hit - either that or damaging property or making a show of thumping their head or fist (against something that doesn't actually hurt them).

If I saw children behaving like that I’d want to be calling their parents into school to explain why their children are behaving like babies and what did the parents propose doing about it
A few are spoiling education for the rest of the class.

The parents of those children refused to engage.

As I mention in another post, one of those children was (as an adult) charged (together with her mother) of precipitating the death of someone. There was a trial which decided that the deceased had died of natural causes. True, but there's no doubt that the stress was a contributory factor.

This is very frightening, I actually keep thinking I don't want to be near a lot of these types of children when they reach adulthood.It makes me want to stay as fit as I can,so none of them have power over me later, in a care situation.
I was thinking where I am living was particulary bad but it seems to be a problem over all. A lot of these kids have no empathy for others they don't get taught it.It's seen where I live as a weakness. It is very sad and will probably result in lots of horrible incidents like the one you mentioned in the future, I blame the padagogics from the 60's going too far and being falsely interpreted.Yes you need to put children first but the individual lives in a society and must function in a group and think of those around her/ him somewhat as well.I am just about to buy some books written by the experts so I can defend my ideas.A lot of the people who allow there children to behave in this selfish way, do not really know why they are doing it only that they don't want to be authoritarian.Which I also do not want to be, I just want to help children navigate their lives better.So no I don't think the problem it lies with only children.

Just had to mention again the aspect of fear, nobody wants to make children afraid of school, or mostly educators do not want to frighten children into compling.However perhaps there is a correct type of fear, that type where you think oh if I do that my peers will be upset with me for being so unkind.My parents will be annoyed with me, so I will be a bit more thoughtful.

The most annoying child in my son's class is a twin. He is an @rsehole.

Obviously anecdotal, but DD is an impeccably behaved, high achieving only and we are relocating partly because of the increasingly poor behaviour in her current school. In our case the issues are caused mainly by pupils with multiple siblings - frequently where the parents had more children than they could afford or cope with. In fact, DD is the only single child in her class, while the parallel class - which contains at least half a dozen onlies - is much calmer and better behaved.

I’m a governor and volunteer at the school as well as being a primary teacher by training and while I think OP’s only child theory is utter codswallop, I don’t deny the uptick in poor behaviour in schools. I think the real causes are a perfect storm of other things:
— Unmet SEND needs and a government that insists that ‘adaptive teaching’ is the cure-all for this (by far the biggest factor IMO)
— Disengaged, detached parents, both in terms of schooling and their own parenting. Sometimes the result of social and economic disadvantage; sometimes because FT working, dual income families have limited headspace for many of the mundane aspects of parenting; sometimes, frankly, because the children are regarded as tick box/Instagram status symbol rather than humans who need proper nurturing. I’d say that the majority of parents now choose the ‘path of least resistance’ when it comes to raising their children.

— An often soul-destroying dull and inappropriate curriculum, certainly at primary level. Even for my own highly academic DD it is a slog, and I’ve witnessed myself via volunteering how sedentary and utilitarian her school days are now. We are moving her to a very old-fashioned village school, which is about a decade behind her London one and which still offers much more in the way of art,
music and general movement throughout the day.

— Gaming, especially for boys. All class parties (Year 3) are now gaming ones, which consist of groups of boys staring silently at a screen, often becoming aggressive afterwards over who won.

— Lack of outdoor play and movement in general, for both sexes, especially unstructured play.

I agree with all of this.

I'm now retired.

I've mentioned that one pupil above. Another is still involved in a very high profile case here - their partner died in very suspicious circumstances. The former pupil ludicrously claimed that it was suicide and has gone abroad.

The victim's parents are still trying to have the case reopened. The local CID (incredibly) disposed of all the forensics and an English forensic scientist has written a report for the victim's family saying that he believes that the written record is enough to prove murder.

I'm told that the former pupil's relatives still in the area have been harassing the victim's family.

There's another case where I warned the school that the pupil was dangerous - they'd written a story in which the main character raped one of my colleagues. I was quite literally laughed at. "Ha, ha! What have you been teaching those boys?"

After leaving school, the pupil carried out two very serious crimes and I believe that he is now in an institution for the criminally insane. The reason - according to the newspaper report - is that he showed no understanding of the impact of his actions on others.

@TempsPerdu

Before I retired, both boys and girls were increasingly obsessed with their online life and their Snapchat streak.