Why is behaviour so hard to manage in schools? Could single child syndrome be a possible cause? Homeschooling to help?

[Paperbear]

It occurred to me today that in school today there are so many only children. In a particular class I was thinking about - almost every single one of the boys are only children. It made me wonder whether this might connect to some of the challenges schools are facing today.

After all, a classroom made up mostly of only children is very different from the classrooms our grandparents experienced, when families were larger and siblings provided natural social and learning dynamics.

Perhaps this is one reason homeschooling can offer a more natural learning curve allowing lessons to move at a child’s own pace, providing one-on-one attention, and creating opportunities for learning that feel integrated with real life, much like the learning that once happened among siblings.

I work part time in a school. I do think only child syndrome is real, along with youngest child syndrome. But the kids causing the problems aren’t necessarily only children. There’s quite a few factors, but most common in the naughtiest …..

The real issues are mostly caused by boys. From talking to them, they play video games or watch TV almost every day. Not enough physical activity outside of school. Their parents normalise poor behaviour from a young age… ‘oh he’s only X’. No or inadequate consequences or expectations for poor behaviour. Parents tend to laugh it off. I think having both (or one if from a single parent family) working full time plays a factor, parents are too tired to deal with it and therefore minimise it.

Definitely, I get that culturally the UK is not geared up for big families- cost of living etc, community connections - It's rare to see families with more than 3 children these days. We shouldn't force anyone to have children under any circumstances.

Behaviour is difficult to manage in schools because some parents aren't parenting, instead they make constant excuses for their child's behaviour.

That's the real issue!

I agree with this. I think there is something missing for boys today which desperately needs filling.

What year group are talking about here OP? If it’s reception, they might not be only children for long. I taught secondary and I have met very few only children. I am one myself and the mother of one. Both my offspring and I were mildly disruptive at school but said to be articulate (from lots of adult company?). He’s very gregarious, I’ll walk an extra mile to avoid interaction if I can. Does any of this prove anything? Nope!

This is interesting. Why can't parents parent in the same way as before? In our grandparents generation? Are parents being buddies with their kids instead of being parents? Why? Why don't parents develop the same skills are grandparents have....

Honestly I have taught for many years and haven't seen any correlation between only children and poor social skills.

If anything I see the other end of the spectrum more - families with lots of children (like 4 or more) with poor behaviour. I assume because parenting so many is harder, more behaviours are 'let go' and screens play a much larger role. Of course this isn't always the case, I just see a correlation there that I haven't seen with only children.

Too much time gaming is definitely a problem for me as a swimming teacher. Parents seem to tick the swimming box, but then it’s straight home in the car via McDonald’s ‘for a treat’ (?!) and then allowed to game the rest of the night as ‘they’ve done swimming today.’ How this manifests in swimming is their strokes are absolutely fine, but they can’t climb out of the pool or tread water, because they’re not spending the hours per day outdoors climbing on stuff etc that kids used to do. 30 seconds of tread and climb out has become the skill I have to spend the most time on now. Sorry, I’ve digressed, just responding to the gaming point.

I do think only child syndrome is real

Not according to most research it isn’t. More likely to be confirmation bias.

Agree 100%

I agree with this - much more needs to be done to get our kids outside.

“Thousands of daytime clubs”…? When do people actually work then if they drive their kids around for day time clubs?! Has that become some kind of forgotten concept? How is a parent supposed to provide a child with a proper education AND still earn enough to support the household? Unless only one parent works, but how many families today can realistically live comfortably on a single income?

I’m an only child, and I certainly wasn’t a naughty kid at school because of that.
Maybe, just maybe, the real issue is bad parenting. Children become rude and entitled when boundaries aren’t set. Add unlimited social media into the mix, along with parents who have no idea what their kids are watching or reading, and it’s not surprising things turn out the way they do.

And when you say school feels “confining,” I have to wonder how will these young people cope when they enter the workforce one day? By that same definition, many jobs are even more “confining,” whether it’s being at a desk, on an assembly line, or in any structured workplace.

The issue with schools is a lack of respect.

Governments don’t respect schools, school staff or pupils enough to fund them, or services around schools and families (sure start, CAHMS, specialist services).

Oh yay, let’s bash parents of only children.

Juat thinking about the kids in my daughters class who have behavioural issues, they all have siblings

School behaviour has nothing to do with being an only child or being one of a large family. It’s down to poor parenting and parents not supporting teachers. Schools need more power to exclude pupils from lessons and ultimately the school

single child “syndrome”

really?

Anecdotally from my 7yr old DD's class, the children with behaviour issues are not the children without siblings!

Bashing people with one or no kids is the new version of bashing single mothers without considering where the fathers of those kids are. Very unoriginal.

We don’t get to make connections on our own terms in life. We need to be able to get on with people we find tricky or don’t particularly like, we need to be able to function in work settings that might not suit us, within systems we feel are pointless or downright obstructive.

Behaviour in schools is directly down to parents not setting expectations for their children. My kids know I will advocate for them when school is hard going, they also know that I absolutely expect them to turn up with the equipment they need, on time and ready to work. They also know that being rude or disrespectful to teachers or school staff will rain a world of pain on them.

It’s possible to recognise that school settings aren’t ideal while also expecting your child to behave well in school. An increase in individualism isn’t going to help social cohesion.

I was an only child and I was the quietest in my class and achieved a lot academically and managed to pass all of my tests and exams and earned a lot of Good Conduct badges and certificates and was made a prefect.
Adding more information to your nonsensical and inflammatory (and downright bloody ignorant) theory, I was also - shock, horror - living with my single mum on a council estate because my parents had divorced and had to leave their nice house in a posh area of town.

Incidentally, my DH (as much as I love him) is the eldest of 4 and was a complete horror at school! He admits himself that he was an utter nightmare and he got expelled from two schools.

There are lots of businesses now that operate homeschool only sessions and they do fill up. Perhaps one parent works whilst the other is schooling their parent. I know lots of parents are taking advantage of remote working.

Perhaps bad parenting is the answer but why are parents worse at parenting? Could it be, especially with smaller families, adults become their child's friend? Rather than an authorities figure.

These are all speculations. I don't have the data. All I know is there is something very wrong at the moment and parents are taking children out of school more and more and its disheartening to see.

A large part of the problem is time. So many households have no time because of the need to work more hours than previously just to get by.

A HT I used to work with was always convinced that behaviour started slipping in children when “you’re grounded” stop being a useful tool in a parents arsenal. It’s useless now because so many kids don’t go out. Whereas when I was a kid it was the worse thing ever to be kept in!

Also not playing out, with other kids, has massively changed the way kids learn and mature. They’re not used to creating fun for themselves, they don’t learn to resolve conflicts, and they’re used to adults planning everything and telling them what do constantly. They don’t know how to be bored, problem solving skills have decreased and interactions with others have changed.

one of the naughtiest kids when I was at school was one of about 8 siblings.

I'm not a fan of planning to have an only (think it's nicer for children to have siblings, reduces the parental focus) but living in an area where there are very few onlies (suspect a lot of them are at private school) I don't think bad behaviour in school is linked to children being onlies.