Why is behaviour so hard to manage in schools? Could single child syndrome be a possible cause? Homeschooling to help?

[Paperbear]

It occurred to me today that in school today there are so many only children. In a particular class I was thinking about - almost every single one of the boys are only children. It made me wonder whether this might connect to some of the challenges schools are facing today.

After all, a classroom made up mostly of only children is very different from the classrooms our grandparents experienced, when families were larger and siblings provided natural social and learning dynamics.

Perhaps this is one reason homeschooling can offer a more natural learning curve allowing lessons to move at a child’s own pace, providing one-on-one attention, and creating opportunities for learning that feel integrated with real life, much like the learning that once happened among siblings.

Why do you assume I have that option?

I've been teaching for many years and not noticed any behavioural differences between only children and those with siblings.

Behaviour issues are largely down to lack of respect for teachers and authority in general.

what a crock of old shit. I am an only child, I was perfectly behaved; the fact I don’t have a sibling has no impact on that.
i have two children, they are both perfectly behaved. Again having a sibling (or not) has no impact.
I think it’s crap parenting that mean children don’t listen to teachers. Parents not being bothered to teach their children to listen and being afraid to say no to them (I’m fully behind gentle parenting but not permissive parenting!)

Which 99% of the time comes from the parents.
The amount of times parents would defend their child's poor behaviour and point the finger at me, in front of their child. I even had a child smile at the headteacher once when her parent was kicking off.

Your observations of only children doesn’t represent my experience of children at all. And I’m not sure what only children has to do with home schooling. Are you suggesting that only children should be segregated from children with siblings?

Either way, you’re talking nonsense.

Don't rise to it! My son is an only & I would argue he was better behaved than most as I had time to spend with him & I made an extra effort to ensure he was well socialised, he went through nursery & school fine and now is working & contributing to society. I was from a large family & we were badly behaved mostly down to poor parenting. The only thing that makes me worry about my son being an only child is when his dad & I get old & unable to make decisions for ourselves & he has to make tricky choices on his own (rather than have a sibling to share the load with).

What a ridiculous argument. Kids don’t behave in school (particularly at secondary level) because their parents don’t care about their education. I’m yet to see an example of a child that is disruptive in class, disrespectful to teachers or the school process, and causing trouble (excluding undiagnosed SEN children here) who comes from a family where the parents are engaged, interested and involved in their education. It all starts at home.

If someone posted something as fucking stupid as that I would think that, remarkably, they were an even bigger wind up merchant than you.

Oh great, something else to bash us OAD parents with.

Next week: cancer.

It’s usually down to shite parenting! Always and forever.
Nothing to do with only children.

I don’t think it’s anything to do with being an only child, what is does have a lot to do with is change in how we parent.

parenting is completely different now to what is was pre 90s.

there is a lot of children’s rights now, and they know them!

I agree with some of the children’s rights like the right to not be assaulted etc.

i feel that many parents are trying really hard not to damage their children and because of this rules, discipline and authority have relaxed a lot.

Honestly?!

Prob more to do with completely useless parents bringing up entitled spoilt kids.

As solo kids or with siblings - crap parenting either way

I'm a teacher and a large number of the most difficult students I have come across have multiple siblings, and, sorry, but often with multiple fathers involved (or not, as is often the case) too. Not always, obviously. I would go as far as to say it's pretty rare that an only child causes major problems, at least in my school.

The main issues are parents not valuing education, seeing teachers as enemies and wanting to be their children's friends. Probably poor attention spans partially caused by excessive screen time is also an issue.

There are three kids in my DC’s class who are major disruptors, with one becoming dangerous as he attacks classmates around the head and neck. All have siblings and unrestricted internet access/gaming. I am not an expert, but would consider the latter point.

I don’t think it’s only children who are the problem.
I think it’s poor/permissive parenting, general lack of respect for authority and screens.

Most of the behaviour issues I see at school are from children who have siblings and are in so called blended families.

I think there are lots of reasons behind worsening behaviour, bad parenting, both parents having to work, diets, screens, social media, blended families, covid, schools having less options for discipline due to inclusion (obviously that is a positive in many ways) etc.

I think the school system needs an overhaul. I don’t think homeschooling is the answer in the vast majority of cases

Example - out with friends, a 6 year old, from supposedly good parents, whacks his little brother around the head, with his shoe, so you see it and tell him to stop and his answer - you can't tell me what to do, you're not my mum!! Shame his parents continually farm out their children to their grandparents and don't parent then! Having worked in schools, I have heard every excuse from children for their behaviour, often saying they are stressed, or my parents let me do it! What have we done or not.done but should have.

I totally agree with you. There are multiple studies saying quite the opposite for only children - they're often happier and more socially adaptive.
https://cls.ucl.ac.uk/being-an-only-child-doesnt-affect-childrens-development/
Why this outdated belief persists is beyond me. It's the same as forced independence in children - outdated and poorly researched reflective more of the societal expectations of the time rather than what benefits children long term.
Eg. More children= more workers
More independence= mum goes back to work earlier/full time
Come on people.

Perhaps you aren't hearing it because it isn't true?

'It's genuine curiosity' and 'I was only wondering' is generally disingenuous bollocks.

This makes me think of the causation vs correlation issue. There are more single child families than ever. There are also higher rates of mental health, child poverty, complex social issues (such as social media), underfunding of schools, and financial pressures on families (resulting in longer working hours and less time with children). I expect some of the latter issues could cause the former (ie having fewer children) as well as cause declines in behaviour. I doubt being a single child family is causing declines in behaviour.

I am an only child, I am mum to an only child and only have 1 grandchild and non of us are delinquents so it hit a nerve with me too.

Unusually IHRTWT, but as usual the very early posters have nailed it.

I dunno, my dad’s two siblings dicked off elsewhere and left all the decisions & caring responsibilities to him as he lived closest to my grandparents so “knew what was best needed”.

What a delightful mother in law you have. Her notion of homeschooling would be ‘unschooling’ though. There’s plenty of it about with these anti-education families.

I don't have young kids but have a lot in my life with nieces and nephews, and the various stories I hear.

Absolutely nothing to do with being the only child. What would that have to do with it?

Rarely anyone in my days at school (80s) behaved badly, and if they did, it was a really big deal. Everyone would talk about it for days. This is primary as well as secondary. I do see a lot of parents excusing kids from showing adults respect, which is the opposite of what I was taught. Eg two kids on electric scooters came barrelling at me in the street in London, and the mother shouted to them "DO NOT MOVE FOR THAT LADY". I was stunned. There are hundreds of similar examples. One woman on a bus in London screamed at me when the bus braked very sharply and I lightly touched her daughter's shoulder as I fell, and even though I apologised, she just screamed and screamed at me. I shut her down but the daughter stared at her mother the entire time.

Along with kids being asked what they want to do all the time, asked where they want to go on holiday, etc. We weren't asked, we were TOLD. We HAD to respect adults.

I just think it starts with the parents.