Why is behaviour so hard to manage in schools? Could single child syndrome be a possible cause? Homeschooling to help?

[Paperbear]

It occurred to me today that in school today there are so many only children. In a particular class I was thinking about - almost every single one of the boys are only children. It made me wonder whether this might connect to some of the challenges schools are facing today.

After all, a classroom made up mostly of only children is very different from the classrooms our grandparents experienced, when families were larger and siblings provided natural social and learning dynamics.

Perhaps this is one reason homeschooling can offer a more natural learning curve allowing lessons to move at a child’s own pace, providing one-on-one attention, and creating opportunities for learning that feel integrated with real life, much like the learning that once happened among siblings.

There’s literally no such thing as only child syndrome.
Poor behaviour can be caused by a multitude of things. A chaotic home life, helicopter parenting, neuro diversity to name just a few.

I am an only. In my experience my parents were quite strict and the disappointment if I had stepped out of line at home or at school would have been entirely focussed on me; this was enough to deter me. As a teacher I agree that parents with no respect for education and staff cause many problems. You only need to read the many posts on MN to realise how widespread this is.

I doubt it's only child syndrome. Behaviour is just bad behaviour and schools need to be stricter about things. But certainly in our school (independent), the school is scared to do anything for fear of upsetting the parents.

@HellybellyMelly it won't be only child syndrome as that doesn't exist

100% agree with this.

I don't know where you've picked up this idea, OP, that only children have behavioural problems that are disrupting classrooms?? This type of thinking is actually 100% batshit, to be blunt. My actual experience 1 - my daughter, an only child, who has been well behaved, polite and hard working since she was very tiny - we have literally had teachers in both secondary and primary school congratulate us on our parenting skills because she is so lovely to teach and have been told, on multiple occasions that she is very emotionally mature.

2 - my DH is also an only child. He turned out pretty well, strong work ethic, did his A-levels whilst working 2 jobs and then ended up as a town centre police inspector, and he is a bloody good and decent bloke. Despite his parents being crap.

I think this idea you have that only children are problematic is epic level bullshit. Hope that helps.

Children are not taught to have any respect for their teachers in the UK. Most parents tend to just think if school issued a detention, the matter has been dealt with. Children who behave well in school tend to come from families where the parents actively support the school. So if their child gets in trouble at school, they will accept what happened and often issue a further punishment at home as well.

Parents like this, in the UK at least, are few and far between.

Careful with this. A teacher once complained my twins caused twice as many issues as other children. I asked 'between them?' She said yes, and I had to point out to a primary school teacher that two divided by two equals one. Each twin was no naughtier than any other child but they got lumped together as 'one of the twins again.' It's a common bias against multiples.

Quite right.
What an absolute load of old tosh the OP is spouting!

OP, I cannot say what I want to say to you because it will probably get deleted.

But your crass stereotyping of only children really isn't accurate or helpful. It speaks volumes about your own ignorance and prejudice and it adds zero value to the debate about what is going on in our schools.

Next time, maybe try to educate yourself a bit more before you post.

I was not generalising - unlike the OP I don’t believe twins are generally naughtier. In our case these twins are really very badly behaved (police have been called and they now only do half days each so they aren’t in at the same time). Their older brothers are also badly behaved. It is just that I was pointing out that in our case it is very clearly not the only children that are causing any issues, but those with siblings. My sister has twins who don’t cause any trouble.

Glad someone made this point!

I think I'd be questioning modern parenting, and the way children are not encouraged to respect those around them, but demand their rights.

Exactly how are you seeing chaos in schools? Are you a teacher?

I'm an only child and like a puppy should be, I was socialised with other people and situations from a young age. I don't bite or growl at people and don't go pestering them. I've always been well behaved, out going confident and happy.😀

3 things for me causing this

The. Biggest change in school now is access to social media, internet etc. people think they know everything cos google told them, or some conspiracy theorist on tik tok. Teachers, the police etc the all work for the state who are trying to repress you.

children aren’t disciplined anymore, laughed off and boisterous, big personality or ADHD/sen which I hate because 1. It dilutes the actual kids who need help and also neither of these things are excuses for bad behaviour.

also 2 parent working households, there is less time to spend with our children

Yes, personally I'm an only child and I was always well-behaved. 3 other girls in my class were, and they didn't behave notably badly either.

I think this is a bit stereotypical : maybe boys who are only children are different? But I'm not sure... I think there are other causes.

I am an only child and I also have a degree in developmental psychology and you are wrong OP.

From personal experience, I was very well behaved at school and got all straight A's. I was actually very anxious to do well in school and please my parents. I was also bullied relentlessly however by pupils with siblings.

Studies show that you are wrong too: https://cls.ucl.ac.uk/being-an-only-child-doesnt-affect-childrens-development/

Your "theory" is really ignorant and reductionist isnt it, and not actually borne out by any actual evidence or research?

God I am finding it hard to navigate. It’s a real challenge when doing play dates with these parents. And I like these parents! But it’s not good at all and creates problems for my own child imo.

A myriad of social, historic and economic reasons.
No.
No.

Next silly question?

China (along with many other countries) also has extreme poverty and a very limited benefits system, and so as education is traditionally the only way to improve your life, it’s valued more. Also Chinese parents tend to be more involved in their children’s education and push them much harder than here, generally. Parents also have a vested interest in their children doing well in life as they expect them to take care of them in old age.

The issue is caused by the cultural change towards parenting. Many children, regardless of whether they have siblings or not, are taught by their parents from their most formative age that only their needs and wants matter. No concept of responsibility either individual or collective.

Homeschooling, especially en masse, would increase this to catastrophic levels for our already deeply selfish, individualistic society.

You can use anecdotal evidence for anything. DD is an only child and we have a number of only child friends, all girls, all bright and lovely, with hobbies and talents that we as parents can invest in as we have the extra time and money due to having only children.

On the other hand the naughtiest children in dd's class are boys, most with older brothers. Having worked with children in nurseries and schools over the years I can think of loads of boys with terrible terrible behaviour, with different family set ups. Not really any girls I can recall. Maybe they all had sen, who knows, they were often too young for diagnosis.

But by your logic op, boys are entirely the problem

This has to be the daftest reason I have seen for kids not behaving in school. I have on only child and they manage to behave in school and other activities they attend. I suppose it makes a change from blaming single mums for all the problems in society😂

This post and the subsequent responses sound suspiciously like a mining AI bot, the wording, punctuation etc and 25 responses in less than 2 hours of posting? Could be wrong but I’m getting annoyed these keep popping up on MN