How to check my child’s grades at a Uni?

[Snowflake55]

I am in despair as my son refuses to tell me if he is attending Uni at all, let alone to tell me how his grades are! I tried calling his Uni and all they say “it is confidential”. Do we parents have any rights in the UK to find out how our children are doing at a Uni? Thank you

Didn't read the update, did you?

If you have genuine concerns about his wellbeing then you could contact his Uni's student support team.

They won't be able to tell you about anything but may do a welfare check or get in contact with him depending on the nature of your concerns.

Of course they can't do this for every student but if you have reason to think he's not coping, flagging him to student support is a good option.

I can't believe you all find it that easy to switch off from your DC just because (in theory) they're an adult

The OP has concerns over their DC mental health and she isn't even in this country so can't just pop to visit them

What is she to do?

Best arrow in your quiver would be to restrict money/top ups/SFE signings until he complies.

I do get it. I work in the academic skills team and know how flaky students can be. They book and on workshops and you're lucky if half turn up or they fail to turn up for 1-1 appointments. This is extremely frustrating especially because appointments are in high demand so the appointment is wasted and another student could have benefited. We also go in to lectures and deliver embedded sessions. Only the other day my colleague delivered a session and only a handful of the expected numbers turned up. So I do have some understanding of the issues you face.

But our students mark their own attendance using Qwickly. If their attendance rates aren't sufficient then there are processes in place to deal with that.

This is true, particularly in terms of continuous assessment. (Which has many advantages for UGs compared to the British system, I believe from having taught uni in both countries). But parents are not entitled to see student records there either (at least in most states).

I apologise if someone has already pointed this out as I have not RTFT

Hi, OP -

While I agree you cannot ask about your DS’ grades or anything else, you can definitely provide information.

Occasionally the parents of my personal tutees have contacted me to express concerns. I tell them up front that I will not be able to share information but I don’t mind listening. If their concerns are consistent with mine - for example if the student’s work has recently deteriorated or their attendance has badly fallen off, etc - I may ask the student to call in. If the student doesn’t and especially if attendance and turning in coursework continue as red flags, I have asked our School Student Support Officer to do a Welfare Check.

If you know the name of your DS’ personal tutor, you could email them with his name in the header. Make it clear you are not asking for information, but briefly express your worries, with evidence. I would not use the lack of discussion about marks or grades. You have seen on this thread how that can be (mis)taken. The other stuff is more important. If the evidence sounds feeble, reflect that your worry may be exaggerated. Cancel the messsge!

If the message sounds reasonable, ask the PT to reflect on whether they see concerns and, if they do, could the PT please take this forward?

If you don’t know who the PT is, you can write directly to the Student Support Officer or similar in the School, asking for a Welfare Check. That is a bit more drastic however.

I paid for my husband's master's fees... should I be able to get his grades? We have a cut off age of independence for a reason. OP is worried about wellbeing, that is different. But access to information isn't bought.

We know that, if we are parents we know how it works.

No

Although there may well be people on here who don’t have students at Uni.
Hence @User19876536484 comment
especially with comments re maintenance grants.

Snowflake needs to cut out the poor hard done by university staff who are always getting grief from Mumsnetters and deal directly with her son.Speak to your son OP, some have suggested get a flight go and see him, ask him is he attending, does he have any other problems? What is you money being spent on?

Wow such fantastic advice and that is all the poster needed going forward.

well done.

Honestly, how dare you. You have no idea what I am like with students. Like I said in my original post, in the 40% of my time where I am working with students, I spend a lot of my time in pastoral care. I get a lot of lovely feedback from them directly. That means the world to me.

However, the parents are not my students and frankly, it’s not any of my business what your financial or other relationship you have with your child. I’ve lost count of the number of times students have told me they don’t get on with their parents or that being at university is the first time they’ve truly felt free to be themselves. So yes I’m not going to break the law and potentially put one of my students at risk if the relationship is abusive.

Lots of staff here have given concerned parents very good advice which is to talk to your (adult) child, try to visit, and if you get really concerned, you can contact the student pastoral care or support team. If you think your child isn’t ready for university (fair enough, it’s not for everyone) then maybe try to encourage them to go on a gap year. But don’t expect any personal information to be released to you because that is against the law.

Well he needs to share how he's doing at Uni with you if he expects you to bank roll it, otherwise, stop paying and he will have no choice but to come home.

Well said. Universities aren't schools. They also aren't the NHS.

You don’t know if he is attending because he won’t tell you when asked, or he isn’t telling you off his own back? If he depends on you financially then take the money away see how long it takes him to fess up. Obviously the other posters are right, you don’t have any rights to know how he’s doing on his actual course.

Well said. This is exactly what my DH went through trying to sort out students with abusive parents. It nearly broke him, and he was only dealing with the students - refused (damn rightly) to speak to parents.

It is not a lecturer's job. It's enough to risk a lecturer's job.

To the posters saying University staff should be better: this isn't school. While it might be hard, some parents need to recognise that. These are adults. They're still your children, but they're adults. And just as you aren't entitled to their medical records, you're not entitled to their academic ones either.

Support them in other ways. But you cannot impinge upon their university life.

And also, considering it's not a lecturer's job, why do you think you're entitled to their time? It isn't in the job description. These are people working sometimes 60 hours a week, doing the best for their students and dealing with their own home life. When this happened to DH, he'd just gone back to work after nearly dying, had major PTSD, a wife (me) with PTSD, two young children, chronic pain, and was learning to walk again with a cane.

Why do you think people like my DH and others on this thread owe you their time? When it could rob them of their jobs and livelihood?

The point is totally being missed by those replying to my post about the role of uni staff.

I was pointing out how some uni staff have give the poster a hard time for trying to find out if her son is actually attending uni instead of offering constructive advice on how she could go about finding out, just like some uni staff on here have given her some very useful advice going forward.

Totally going off track now, who has said anything about parents expecting tutors time?

Your comment to @He11oKitty :

What uni are you at? Definitely one I would want my daughter to avoid if there are staff like you there.

was completely below the belt.

It's not a lecturer's job to give advice about that. Some universities are more open with pointing to pastoral staff with parents, some aren't. OP is worried, and I get that, but it isn't school. She can go onto the university website and find our for herself who to chat to.

Lecturers are often told not to engage or point parents to these resources, because they don't know if they're abusive.

You've had multiple university staff and lecturers telling you and others why they don't/can't help, and the responses have been rank.

Then you get posts like some of the vicious ones declaring they don't want their DC there. We keep all repeating the same thing. They're not allowed to help parents.

I am not on about it being a lecturers job to engage or point out resources to parents, I am talking about the ones replying on this thread.