How to check my child’s grades at a Uni?

[Snowflake55]

I am in despair as my son refuses to tell me if he is attending Uni at all, let alone to tell me how his grades are! I tried calling his Uni and all they say “it is confidential”. Do we parents have any rights in the UK to find out how our children are doing at a Uni? Thank you

Uni staff members you could learn from greyrocked post and show a little compassion.
I really am shocked at some of the replies from uni staff members on here.

I agree. I work in a university, I'm not a tutor but I work in support services and I've been bit 😮 at some of the responses. Most tutors are lovely but some awful. I dealt with a lad once where the tutor had told him university wasn't for him because he was failing. Turned out the lad was dyslexic.

they are the least sympathetic people in the world, even on topics actually related to their job.

I do think it is madness that you have no rights and they are treated as independent adults....... (All fair enough) Apart from when it comes to paying/loans in which case it is assumed parents are responsible.

Maybe there is a more professional member of uni staff on here who could offer the worried poster some constructive advice. After all if my child wasn’t attending uni I would want to know the reasons why and check on their wellbeing.

There are several highly experienced university staff on this thread, all responding with the same information and advice, as are many parents. It's pretty clear that however worried she is @Snowflake55 cannot ask the university for her DS's marks & attendance. That would break the law. She needs to sort out her concerns in the context of her relationship with her son. She can contact her son's department and let them know of her concerns. The university will then have a process to check up on her DS and offer support if he wants it.

What you are asking is that university staff break the law. Excuse us for preferring not to.

OP mentioned being abroad, so not only will she be paying fees as well as maintenance, but the higher International fees. If he needs a visa to be here that would be at risk if he doesn’t attend too,

Is he coming home for Christmas? that might be an opportunity it’s to talk to him properly.

What or who exactly is a Karen?
Its a form of abuse is it not.
Being a mother is the hardest job in the world.Yes some of the mothers who have their children at university at the moment might be called Karen, or Sharon or Samantha, because they were born sometime in the early 1970's.I remember wishing I had a name like karen.Good on ya Karen.

I really feel for university staff as well. They have been under enormous pressure over the last 5-10 years. They are generally blamed for everything by everyone so I understand why they are short on compassion.

I had lunch with my lecturer friend on Friday. He's getting an average of 10 students (out of a cohort of 60) turning up for his lectures. And he really does put his heart and soul into them. It gets him down. His students are paying a lot of money for this education and just not turning up.

This is the kind of advice I felt could be given to the poster rather than uni staff attacking her.

Uni staff here and I said virtually the same thing pages ago. As have others.

@Lbet if you read through the thread, you'll find that those giving advice are university staff, plus experienced parents.

I don't think any PP who's identified themselves as university staff has simply said "No you have no rights.' These posts seem to be coming from other parents.

Identified university staff have all suggested - in quite some detail - what @Snowflake55 could do. And I imagine that, if the OP wanted to tell those experienced university staff posters which university (either on thread or by DM) I'm pretty sure that we could point her to the specific services at that particular university.

But keep to your tired prejudices about universities.

@potatocakesinprogress yes it's in the job criteria usually. You won't get a job in most UK universities if you're not willing to kick a kitten or trip over a blind person.

You need a trip to the UK and to see him face to face.

Yes no doubt they have but some of the replies from uni staff have been quite concerning.

That was the reply from the first poster stating they are uni staff.

Ok this poster was stating the facts but a little advice of what she could do would’ve been more constructive.

Their roles don't involve looking after students, does that help? They are practical based roles, marking papers or lecturing or finding books or serving food or being a security guard or whatever.

They aren't school teachers. Most of them can't recognise the students by either name or face, even when they're their personal tutor. I saw mine twice in a year, and I had to make an appointment both those times, which was only given in their specific office hour once per week, so if you had a class at the same time you were out of luck.

Exactly this

Wow.
My daughter was very independent before uni, both travelling and working on her own. However, anyone can become mentally unwell at any age and she did so at uni and they didn't give a shit. There was no follow up, no request for feedback about her experience but they'd had their money by then hadn't they?

I'd still like to know how drop out rates are measured eg in which year of study, was pastoral care given etc in order to measure the effectiveness of the 'spend a lot on counselling, well-being etc. Is any feedback requested from students/parents about their experience and if so is that info utilised?

For info, when my girl left uni she came home, got treatment and then applied for an apprenticeship. I noted that her interview for this was much more challenging then her one for a RG uni but then they were investing in her weren't they. She loved it and after 18 months wanted to try living away from home again which she did happily. Her employer offered her a great salary and package on completion and she's now bought her own house with a partner.

Most parents prepare for their children to separate and go on to live their own lives - it's the right thing to do - we should give them roots and wings etc. However, I think parents of teenagers should remember that unis are businesses first and foremost and that they should consider other options too.

You wouldn't say that if you'd lectured through covid and seen scores of students fail to engage with their studies. They attend week 1, skip week 2 because they can listen to the recording. Then don't, so skip week 3, and then it snowballs and they fail multiple modules. Recordings were an absolute disaster for the vast majority of our students. I teach the cohort with the highest entry standards in my uni, most years they're very engaged and dedicated.

One year during covid I had a quarter of the class back in August.

We don't particularly care about recordings (although I don't love them I admit), but it turns out they didn't work in students' favour at all.

Most of us do actually want what's best for our students, despite the prevailing view on MN.

Indeed @whyschoolwhy But university staff are always useful whipping boys for the upset parents of MN.

No one is asking them to look after the students.

I am saying some of the replies on here from uni staff have been unhelpful and a bit of constructive advice would of helped.

That is not all uni staff because some have been very helpful.

If the fees are paid the Uni are getting paid and they can attend, of course.
The Uni are only concerned about getting their fees paid

My DH used to lecture at universities. One year there was one absolutely batshit mother who kept turning up demanding this kind of information. If I remember correctly, she was escorted off the premises. DH spent a lot of time helping that student find support services to free themselves from their mother's clutches. It was incredibly toxic, and even though the OP may not be like this woman, this is just one reason why this information is restricted.

OP has absolutely no right to any information whatsoever. If she keeps pushing, she's going to create a massive wedge (and make herself look bloody odd).

Let your adult child live. There are other ways to offer support; I know it can't be easy, but this will just be seen by DC as smothering.

Exactly!

Maybe there is a more professional member of uni staff on here who could offer the worried poster some constructive advice. After all if my child wasn’t attending uni I would want to know the reasons why and check on their wellbeing.

I don’t claim to be more professional than anyone else. However, I did once have to deal with a very similar situation to this. The student had specific learning differences and was from overseas. Their mother was worried about their welfare. I agreed to meet with the mother to listen to her concerns. I explained beforehand that I would only listen and could not give her any specific feedback. Following the meeting with the mother, I met with the student and discussed their mother’s concerns and their welfare (this was with the mother’s consent).

I must stress that the only reason that I agreed to meet the parent was because of the student’s specific learning differences and I had already been introduced to her by the student at a university event. Based on what the OP has said, I wouldn’t have agreed to meet with the OP. However, if I knew she was concerned I would probably have a chat with her son to reassure myself about his welfare.

I have had to personally drag a student to student welfare after their parents told them to “Just pull yourself together” after a mental breakdown.

Parents please don’t do this.

Woah! Back off momma bear. Your kids a grown up, treat them that way and they might open up to you more.