Page 16 | Nursery form teacher handed us a bag of poo

cannynotsay · 27/09/2024 20:19

Woah! Get her out of this setting now!

Gurla · 27/09/2024 20:21

Please remove her and report this nursery.

I am a teacher in a primary school in UK and have taught many children up to the age of 8 that have had toileting accidents. It's completely normal.

As a teacher we would always return the soiled clothes, I know it's odd but it's so you can see it, but the wipes were unnecessary.

Goldengirl32 · 27/09/2024 20:22

Get her out of there and don't take her back!!! That is horrific treatment of a young child!! They are clearly traumatising her!!! Please please please find a new nursery provider. One that puts care before conformity

strawberryshortcakescat · 27/09/2024 20:36

OP look for a new setting for you DD.

I am a nursery teacher and it's just a part of the job.
I always bin pants that are badly soiled. Nobody needs that sending home.
I would never send home a pair full of poo. If I can salvage them I will.

I would never ask for a child to be put back in nappies. It sounds like their facilities are inadequate for young children.

NavyBee · 27/09/2024 20:48

This is not the right place for your daughter. When I started school (yes actual school although very small) at 4 1/2 (so sixty years ago) I had been fully potty trained for ages but I was afraid of falling in the toilet. My mother spoke to the principal and the school allowed me to have my own potty beside the toilet which I managed (emptied after using) and within a few weeks I had decided of my own accord to master the big toilet. Anyway back to your daughter. What an awful uncaring attitude towards both of you. I would look for a different nursery and think twice about this school even when she reaches school age. Also I would consider putting her back in pull ups for a while just to defuse her anxiety. But I absolutely would not send her back to that environment.

joolsella · 27/09/2024 20:49

Strongly recommend a nursery which is answerable to ofsted so they are accountable and advised by early years professionals

Not this Dickensian nightmare

Velvetandgold · 27/09/2024 20:57

That's a really positive meeting OP. I'm glad they're changing her too, that's a weight off your mind not to have to worry about what's happening to her while she's there or if she'd get an infection from being left. Maybe DD was caught in a vicious cycle of being so worried about messing herself that the anxiety brought about the thing she was dreading and now she's got pull-ups she's less stressed out about it? As the pre school doesn't now seem to be as awful or lacking in facilities as you first thought, it's quite good you're on a waiting list for her old place. When her turn comes up you'll have had more time and be in a better position to make a decision about what's best for DD. Good luck with the toilet training.

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 20:58

ButterscotchWhip · 27/09/2024 20:15

I wasn’t expecting any washing. I was expecting the bag to go in the bin. And that was where they were intending it to go, I’ve since discovered.

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Bloody hell glad the person you were replying to doesn’t work at my child’s nursery!

surreygirl1987 · 27/09/2024 21:07

ButterscotchWhip · 27/09/2024 17:07

Hi all,

Thank you to everyone who replied. Your responses were really useful. I do realise now that I was being a bit of an idiot assuming that a preschool setting would be akin to a day nursery in terms of 'hands-on' time, and attitude, from staff.
I have put DD on the waiting list for re-entry to her old nursery (which also is attached to a private school, and isn't perfect but is a lot more chilled out).

As it happens, I spoke to a mum who has kids at DD's new setting this morning. One of her children is struggling with something totally separate and she said the school have been totally great - really kind, really collaborative, supportive etc. That surprised me, but obviously in a good way.

This afternoon DH and I met with DD's form tutor. The first thing she said was that DD has been saying she needs the toilet today, even in pull-ups which she's now been in for 2 days. They are also giving her props (toys) for the toilet which are working well; they are treating her as if she hasn't got nappies on at all (ie taking her to the toilet as usual). I am of course still a bit concerned about the mixed messaging but I do see that she can't just be in pants in school if she's not actually toilet trained. I am going to get some training pants too, so hopefully she registers being wet / dirty in a way she wouldn't in nappies. We have put a date in to meet again in a fortnight to assess progress.

So, the binbag. DH said 'We have been quite sad about receiving that bag' and the teacher was completely blank and baffled. We explained about the poo-bag and its unsavoury contents and she genuinely reacted with complete horror. She said: 'That was meant for the bin' and put her head in her hands. I really don't think she was faking it, either. She said she was extremely sorry and was totally mortified. They do have a biowaste disposal, and that's where her nappies are going now - and yes, they are changing her, and they've started recording those digitally so I can see what the nappy sitch is during the day.

DH and I said that they need to include toilet training policy in the literature for prospective or new parents from now on and she made a note.

She has also made DD two copies of a really nice star chart.

So, that's where I am. Do I think I made a mis-step in my choice of nursery/school? Probably. But they've redeemed themselves pretty well for now. If toilet training in training pants doesn't work (and I know it might not) then I'll do what some of you have suggested and take her out for a few weeks (perhaps tagging a week onto the end of the half term). Then we can get toilet training done properly and send her in with a fully formed skill.

Lovely update. So glad the meeting went well.

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 21:17

Glad your meeting went well. Sometimes face to face with a person who genuinely had your child’s best interests at heart clears up a few misunderstandings. I work in education and there is normally a middle ground between school and parents views :)

Juleslovesmaths · 27/09/2024 21:28

This whole thread is horrifying and tantamount to child abuse - move your child to somewhere that treats your daughter with respect - I cannot believe this is happening in 21st century uk

Doubledenim305 · 27/09/2024 21:31

Awful. Id never go back. Ur poor DD and all the drama and stress over potty training and a poo. Just never heard anything like it.
If never set foot in that place again. Awful.

JustAnotherDadOf2 · 27/09/2024 21:31

Why are you sending her to nursery when she isn't toilet trained and you have a nanny? She's just not ready yet. Give her 3 or 6 months and she'll likely be fine. They aren't there to wipe bums and clean up shite. The occasional accident is one thing, but if let's say half the children aren't toilet trained, then that's a lot of bum wiping to do.
How about looking at it from the other perspective.
If your little'un was toilet trained and the staff were spending half their time on bum wiping duty for others, would you be happy that your little'un was missing out?

Jorge14 · 27/09/2024 21:36

ButterscotchWhip · 26/09/2024 14:25

Right. I'll try to keep it short, but I don't think it will be.

DD has just turned 3. A couple of weeks ago she started in the nursery class of what I've now realised is quite a formal and strict girls' independent school. It is highly regarded locally, and me and DH loved it when we looked round, but I now fear I've done myself and DD up like a kipper sending her here.

She's fully potty trained but (my fault) I don't think I got her onto actual toilet training quickly enough. September has rolled around and she's just not 100% there on toilet training. I tell the staff this and they seem ok with it at first. I offer to send in her carry potty (which she loves and uses well) - they say no. The class is large, and the way they do toilet trips is to take a group to the loos and then the teacher stands nearby. It's just not enough support for DD, and she's had a lot of accidents there (for which we receive intense FIRST AID NOTIFICATION emails as they have to change her). Anyway, she's now never telling them when she needs to go, and she is running away from the loo at home saying she doesn't like the toilet (and started crying about it yesterday too).

We get an email from her form teacher this week saying she must now be in nappies during school time. DH emails back and says we certainly don't support this idea, she's on the right path but in a brand new environment, nappies will confuse her and send her learning backwards etc. He suggests that if this issue is one of a lack of resource / low levels of staffing, then that's a worry. He's not rude, just quite straight up.

The next morning at 9am, I receive a call from school saying DH must be collected and taken home for a bath as she's soiled herself AND they will not allow her back in school unless she's in pull-ups. I am not free to get her, neither is DH, but our son's carer/nanny is and happily collects her. She finds DD just needs a good wipe, not really a bath. Upon arriving at reception to receive DD, our nanny is given a binliner. It transpires this contains DD's soiled knickers, THE ENTIRE TURD, and all the wipes they have already used on DD's guilty bum (barf).

I haven't said anything in response to any staff yet as we already have a catch-up meeting, face to face, with the form teacher tomorrow. But presuming that they have a rubbish bin in school, I think the sh*t-bag might have been a thinly veiled message of hostility, no?

I am boggling from all this. Would genuinely love to hear what other MNers would do now!

Sounds awful to be honest, i would take her out. We had a similar experience when my son was potty training & wet himself a few times, i got a bag of wet clothes thrown at me. My husband made a complaint & then of course they were fully supportive of potty training. In hindsight i would’ve removed him from the nursery, its not good enough, they are babies who have accidents, its part of their job.

JuniperKeats · 27/09/2024 21:38

Reaping what you sow, sending to independent .

FTMaz · 27/09/2024 21:39

Juleslovesmaths · 27/09/2024 21:28

This whole thread is horrifying and tantamount to child abuse - move your child to somewhere that treats your daughter with respect - I cannot believe this is happening in 21st century uk

mumsnet is full of people with perfect children that’s why….eye roll!

honestly I’m bewildered by some of the responses.

Weedoormatnomore · 27/09/2024 21:41

BCSurvivor · 27/09/2024 19:31

OP admitted in her original post that they weren't quite there with toilet training, so she started at pre school in regular pants while OP knew she wasn't quite toilet trained.

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Still a big difference in fully potty trained as op stated to having regular accidents that her child nerds to be changed.

BoldAmberDuck · 27/09/2024 21:52

Disgusting. Sounds very snobby and a very stressful environment to put a three year old in. This borders on abusive to me

Laura95167 · 27/09/2024 22:21

ButterscotchWhip · 26/09/2024 14:25

Right. I'll try to keep it short, but I don't think it will be.

DD has just turned 3. A couple of weeks ago she started in the nursery class of what I've now realised is quite a formal and strict girls' independent school. It is highly regarded locally, and me and DH loved it when we looked round, but I now fear I've done myself and DD up like a kipper sending her here.

She's fully potty trained but (my fault) I don't think I got her onto actual toilet training quickly enough. September has rolled around and she's just not 100% there on toilet training. I tell the staff this and they seem ok with it at first. I offer to send in her carry potty (which she loves and uses well) - they say no. The class is large, and the way they do toilet trips is to take a group to the loos and then the teacher stands nearby. It's just not enough support for DD, and she's had a lot of accidents there (for which we receive intense FIRST AID NOTIFICATION emails as they have to change her). Anyway, she's now never telling them when she needs to go, and she is running away from the loo at home saying she doesn't like the toilet (and started crying about it yesterday too).

We get an email from her form teacher this week saying she must now be in nappies during school time. DH emails back and says we certainly don't support this idea, she's on the right path but in a brand new environment, nappies will confuse her and send her learning backwards etc. He suggests that if this issue is one of a lack of resource / low levels of staffing, then that's a worry. He's not rude, just quite straight up.

The next morning at 9am, I receive a call from school saying DH must be collected and taken home for a bath as she's soiled herself AND they will not allow her back in school unless she's in pull-ups. I am not free to get her, neither is DH, but our son's carer/nanny is and happily collects her. She finds DD just needs a good wipe, not really a bath. Upon arriving at reception to receive DD, our nanny is given a binliner. It transpires this contains DD's soiled knickers, THE ENTIRE TURD, and all the wipes they have already used on DD's guilty bum (barf).

I haven't said anything in response to any staff yet as we already have a catch-up meeting, face to face, with the form teacher tomorrow. But presuming that they have a rubbish bin in school, I think the sh*t-bag might have been a thinly veiled message of hostility, no?

I am boggling from all this. Would genuinely love to hear what other MNers would do now!

I think as well the nursery can't chuck out the undies. Some parents would want to wash them/can't afford to replace them after every accident. And if the trach doesn't have time or cover to take kids to the loo 121 then she doesn't have time (nor is paid enough) to separate a poo from the knickers and wipe them down or clean them. Even if she did there likely isn't the facilities to do it hygienically.

If you say to the nursery in future please just bin everything and they still send a poo home maybe you could feel it was passive aggressive, but as a one off I'm not surprised.

Maybe accept a slight back step to pulls and try at home in half term to focus on using a toilet

Julimia · 27/09/2024 22:26

Please get her out of there and into a normal nursery. Ridiculous ,barbaric and inhuman.
Do not revert to pull ups at all costs. Hope shes not distressed by this. Understand perfectly that you are.
I experienced this 30+ years ago on arrival as the new teacher at a nursery. Send it home.! It didn't hsppen again in my practice. Ugh!

ThisQuirkyPeachHare · 27/09/2024 22:33

As you said... Done her up like a kipper... Get her name down elsewhere and hope they have a pre-school place for her.
That school is damaging.

Julimia · 27/09/2024 22:33

It's not really about the practice here but about the attitude and insensitivity. New term environment, expectation etc. Give the poor child a break, Consult with mum as to next steps ,not Tell her in such a fashion. Way forward.

ThisQuirkyPeachHare · 27/09/2024 22:38

Currygirl · 27/09/2024 18:42

Nursery nurse here....bag with poo & the soiled pants...where exactly do you expect them to wash them???
In the bathroom sink?
The cleaner's cupboard?
Or maybe the kitchen sink?

Or on your magical mystery tour around the setting when you first visited did you perhaps find a sluice or a secret poo washing sink hidden away somewhere??

The majority of nurseries don't have a set up to be able to wash shitty knickers therefore they're sent home for the parents to deal with.

Ps...it's also normal for (some) children to regress with their toileting at some point...especially if there's a change in routine, starting somewhere new etc.

Good luck going forward

Sorry, no. It's just common courtesy to plop as much of the poo as possible into the toilet... And dispose of wipes. We don't have a
I always bag up soiled underwear unless a parent has said they don't want them returning. Then they can throw if they choose.
We don't wash them, we don't have the facilities to do that either, but a shake in the toilet gets rid of most of the poo and who wouldn't do that at the very least?
I can't believe I'm even having to say that 🤣🤦🏽‍♀️

specialsen · 27/09/2024 22:49

Even though you're feeling better after your meeting today, I think all the mess up until now makes me think you're going to have more problems in the future.

MellersSmellers · 27/09/2024 22:54

And you're paying through the nose for this service? I'd be looking to move...