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Original poster

private school fees - has anyone negotiated a discount/worked out better ways to manage payments?

217 replies

redscissors3 · 30/12/2023 17:06

Hi all,

Namechanged and would very much appreciate any advice. Due to a change in circumstances ,paying school fees for our three kids is becoming a huge struggle for us. We have to pay for a family member's care and it's been a very bad few years for DH's industry.

We can just about manage to keep them there for the moment - they are at key stages in their education and it would be heartbreaking to pull them out right now. The younger two can go to great local state options for sixth form if they have to - but meanwhile, we are draining our savings and the future looks quite worrying...

Our kids have been at the school for many, many years and do brilliantly there. They love it and we love it. The bursar has been very helpful and has expressed they are keen to keep the kids at the school. Quite rightly, given we DO have some savings and own our house, we don't qualify for a bursary. They don't do sibling discounts. My understanding is that there is a fairly hefty cash reserve there to help existing pupils whose circumstances change drastically - ie in the case of parental death - but again, this doesn't apply to us. The bursar is very sympathetic and wants to look at ways to help, but I am slightly at a loss as to what might be possible or what I might suggest!

Has anyone been in this situation? Has anyone been offered help of any kind, or worked anything out with the school?

Before anyone jumps on me, yes I know we are in an extremely fortunate position already, and yes I know there are brilliant state options and this whole system isn't fair. But it's the road we have gone down and my children are having a wonderful school life where they are, so I am trying desperately to find ways to preserve that. Thanks so much for any thoughts or advice.

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 30/12/2023 17:44

If you knew you were moving the older 2 for 6th form, would that help?

Is there expectation of inheritance from the relative in care? Can their care be paid another way eg equity release?

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 17:45

and the school have made it very clear they want to keep them.

oh i have no doubt that they want to keep you there with 3 children Op!

But they don’t appear to want to put their money where their mouth is

ShanghaiDiva · 30/12/2023 17:45

Scholarships? My dd has an academic scholarship which results in a 10% reduction in fees. Sports/music scholarships?

MumblesParty · 30/12/2023 17:50

Do you work OP?
And why are you having to pay for a family member’s care?

Original poster
redscissors3 · 30/12/2023 17:52

@zigzag716746zigzag - not sure that's quite right. You couldn't really tie up funds to qualify yourself for a bursary somehow - that wouldn't be fair to those in genuine need at all!

Bursar has explicitly said 'we want to help you, let's find a way.' We have had some discussion re evening out payments, which would help a bit, but I'm wondering if anyone has been in a similar position and what they did about it?

Sibling discount - I just don't think these sorts of schools offer that? I think it can be a thing in parts of the country where you have less kids in private schools, so the schools are a little more able to help parents out - but less so for uber-competitive London schools? Please correct me if I'm wrong though!

OP posts:
zigzag716746zigzag · 30/12/2023 17:58

You didn’t ask for fair, you asked for possible. If you don’t think it would be morally right then by all means don’t do it. But don’t be surprised if you find out the bursar was able to help you if you had funds in trust, and not able to help you otherwise. The bursar just has to stick to the rules they are given, that’s all.

Original poster
redscissors3 · 30/12/2023 17:58

@MumblesParty - I do work yes.

Re they questions about care - it's quite complicated and not all that relevant to my question in all honesty. It's a combination of factors that include the care fees and also DH's work situation/income being challenging...it is what it is.

Really I'm trying to gauge if anyone has been in a position where they have been struggling in a similar way - and what help the school might have offered? Unfortunately though they are very generous with bursaries (to those eligible), they don't offer any type of scholarship discount either.

OP posts:
zigzag716746zigzag · 30/12/2023 18:00

What is your job? You don’t need to actually answer, but is there any employment the school offer that would qualify you for a staff discount?

penjil · 30/12/2023 18:00

redscissors3 · 30/12/2023 17:37

@theduchessofspork - I think if there was any possibility of a sibling discount the lovely bursar would have said. I don't know if any rival schools offer this either in all honesty - ours is among the most sought after schools in the UK (dozens of applicants per place) - they've got enough people able to pay full fees without offering discounts for siblings.

This does sting a little bit when we have paid them such an eye-watering sum so far over so many years, and our kids (without meaning to boast 😖) are very academic and really contribute to school life - and the school have made it very clear they want to keep them....

They are a business.

Love is trash. The bitches need cash.

Using your savings is your only option. At least when they're gone you will qualify for a bursary.

Hosum · 30/12/2023 18:02

Sibling discount is rare in the London schools or negligible. Tbh though if the school really wanted to keep your children they'd have offered - or they think your financial situation is fine re fees and like others you need to use savings or remortgage.

DD1 has a 20% academic scholarship at a competitive London school - gained at 11 and increased at 13. I assume although the school has never said because we fall between bursary eligible and afford - she is though someone they know they can bank of for a full suite of 9s for results in addition to music/sport contribution.

You need to talk transparently to the bursar re any options. But if you are holding savings back and your kids aren't exceptional - I doubt there is much they will add.

compactopera · 30/12/2023 18:04

zigzag716746zigzag · 30/12/2023 17:58

You didn’t ask for fair, you asked for possible. If you don’t think it would be morally right then by all means don’t do it. But don’t be surprised if you find out the bursar was able to help you if you had funds in trust, and not able to help you otherwise. The bursar just has to stick to the rules they are given, that’s all.

If they've gone to the trouble of setting asset limits, income thresholds, and examining financial history to determine eligibility, do you really think they wouldn't have rules against such artificial abusive arrangements?

Given that the point of offering bursaries is to protect their charitable status and reputation, they'd be foolish to go along with schemes like that.

Original poster
redscissors3 · 30/12/2023 18:06

@compactopera - agreed. I don't think they would allow parents to play the system like that...it would be awful if they did!

OP posts:
SausageCasseroles · 30/12/2023 18:08

Are you still going on holidays? Can you cut back?

Can you cut back in general for a few years?

Extend the mortgage would be an obvious one.

Or yes reduce the care costs burden? It is relevant as it woild free up money for school fees.

How many years left until 6th form?

Can you reduce expenditure elsewhere if its just for a few years?

zigzag716746zigzag · 30/12/2023 18:08

I can 100% assure you, from detailed personal experience (not as the recipient) that it is not at all uncommon or even frowned upon.

However OP, you have asked for experience and are just not liking the answers, so best of luck to you.

Elfon · 30/12/2023 18:09

Well do you have another way of depriving yourself of assets eg, pay a large chunk off your mortgage. Personally I would look into the trust option. Fair does not come into it. It’s about working within the rules. Find out what the rules are and then see what you can do that’s permitted.

Don’t be shy. This is purely a financial dealing. The school is only nominally a charity - this is business.

Occasional2023 · 30/12/2023 18:09

I think the Bursar knows you will do anything to keep the kids there so at the moment he /she can smile and be sympathetic but not really offer any help. What you need to do is tell them that one child will have to leave. Unless you have twins or they are all in GCSE/Level years, there must be one who could be moved. If the Bursar really believes that you will be removing a child then you might well find that some way to help might just suddenly be mentioned.

Original poster
redscissors3 · 30/12/2023 18:12

@Hosum - if we are going there - mine got straight 9's at GCSE and is doing Oxbridge entrance, so...😉Other two seem 'banked on' to go a similar way. Kind of wanted to avoid stealth bragging, but you asked. It will be the savings issue.

OP posts:
compactopera · 30/12/2023 18:14

the school have made it very clear they want to keep them

Don't take this the wrong way, but if that's not been accompanied by any actual offer then I would take it as one of the empty "nice" things people say to be polite.

Like when you have a bereavement and people say "if there's anything I can do..." before disappearing off the face of the earth. It sounds nice and makes them look respectable to others, but there's no substance behind the statement.

Ultimately, it's a competitive school in high demand, if you can't afford the places someone else can.

rochethenut · 30/12/2023 18:14

redscissors3 · 30/12/2023 18:12

@Hosum - if we are going there - mine got straight 9's at GCSE and is doing Oxbridge entrance, so...😉Other two seem 'banked on' to go a similar way. Kind of wanted to avoid stealth bragging, but you asked. It will be the savings issue.

so… why not an academic scholarship?

then you can keep your savings

HoneyMobster · 30/12/2023 18:16

Sympathies @Occasional2023 - we had 3 at one of the sought after London schools and I concur with others that sibling discounts aren't ever on offer. The schools can fill a vacancy at anytime they want at full price.

There are the 'fees in advance' schemes (you pay a lump sum in advance for a small discount) but I don't think that helps you much. You'd need the lump sum and the discount isn't great.

BumpyaDaisyevna · 30/12/2023 18:17

redscissors3 · 30/12/2023 17:21

@rochethenut - yes factoring that in. Any thoughts on when that might be implemented would be helpful too - I am hearing both that it will take at least an academic year to legislate in once Labour win, and also that it could be rolled out pretty much immediately.

@PammieDooveOrangeJoof - they have offered the option of paying each terms fees monthly. That is a teeny bit helpful but not enormously.

@TheSuggestedAmendment - yes. But we will be pretty much down to zilch in terms of savings which scares me - however, we have no debt so that is good news. I know we've got at least another 15 years of work ahead of us and can build savings up again, but it is alarming. What if one of us loses our job or gets ill, for example?

I realise it's scary to have no savings but this is how the vast majority of the country live, and with a smaller income too.

You would survive and build up savings again. 👍

Alwaystired2023 · 30/12/2023 18:18

Use your savings and downsize your house? You have the means you just need to decide how much your willing to sacrifice

HoneyMobster · 30/12/2023 18:18

Scholarships aren't worth much at these schools, mainly honorary. Those kind of results are pretty standard.

DD did have a 30% scholarship at her GDST school.

compactopera · 30/12/2023 18:18

Personally I would look into the trust option. Fair does not come into it. It’s about working within the rules.

Sure, but some people have ethical standards.

Original poster
redscissors3 · 30/12/2023 18:20

@rochethenut - unfortunately, they do not offer them. If they did it would be immensely helpful!

We are cutting back and making savings every way we can. And we can use up the savings totally, but it does leave us in a position that will be challenging and doesn't make the best financial sense for the future - the bursar totally saw this when we went through the numbers with him.

OP posts: