Page 9 | Parents’ WhatsApp Group vile comments

MadeleineMummy · 2023-10-29T09:12:51+00:00

i am a member of my year’s WhatsApp group and one of the parents has posted rather a vile comment about one of the teachers. The child got a bad mark and the parent said she looked at the homework and the questions were ambiguous and badly worded. She then had a rant at the (rather young) teacher and said that she told her daughter that the teacher was an idiot and to ignore her. I posted that this was not an appropriate thing to say and would undermine the discipline in the school. Then several other women started having a go at me also stating concerns with the teacher due to her harsh marking and strictness. They said the WhatsApp group was the place to discuss concerns about the teacher and if I did not like it, I could leave the group. I think the comments are inappropriate but also find the group invaluable for school issues, last minute changes and information about trips etc. but I find a small group of women seem to have taken over the group to rant about one teacher and victimise her. My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject. I feel like telling the teacher or the school as I have taken screenshots of the conversations, the comments are pretty bad and includes stuff about her personal life along the lines of (“she obviously needs a good shag”, “She looks like a frump”, etc). Do you think it would create a bad feeling if I share this with her? I also don’t know what it would achieve if I broach this with the school but I think that undermining a teacher is the most appropriate use of the whatsApp parents group. what should I do?

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/10/2023 19:25

For the avoidance of doubt for those who aren't getting it: I'm not condoning those parents. It is harmful to their kids. It is not benign. But I just don't think there is much, if anything, that any authority can do about it. There are Head teachers on this thread who say they have dealt with it and stopped it. There are posters who say the Head at their/their child's school has stopped it. It must be possible.

ACGTHelix · 29/10/2023 19:27

MadeleineMummy · 29/10/2023 19:09

This is a state secondary school with a good reputation. Massive entry to Oxbridge last year which is why all the local people fight to get in. I am a working mother and don’t get involved in the school and don’t go to the school gates so I am a bit isolated as to what is going on. I do rely on the WhatsApp group as my daughter often forgets to bring letters home or I find them weeks later in her bag (she is in year 9 and still a bit of a daydreamer, but a wonderful child nonetheless).

i don’t know any of the people in the group and they do not know me m, which is why i got so much hate when I put my head above the parapet to call them out. I only joined recently as I spoke to a Mum during a parent’s evening who told me about the group. I thought it would an opportunity to get to know the community. I do not know the dynamic, who the leaders are or the etiquette of the group but I do know right from wrong and seemed to get so much hatred for voicing something I do not believe is right.

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you would think parent's would know better and no wonder some people disregard authority figures when behaviours like these happen etc

Ewock · 29/10/2023 19:37

Mummy08m · 29/10/2023 18:27

Yes I agree that schools can take action against defamation but I don't think this particular case in the op is anywhere near the threshold. Even saying "Ms X is a bad teacher" isn't defamation because it's subjective and unfalsifiable. Also, we teachers are entirely used to it because of websites like Rate my Teacher

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This is the problem though isn't it? We're so used to it, the government encourages it, so we're getting conditioned to just think oh well and let it go and try to ignore. But it isn't OK, these things cane seriously damage a teachers career.
I do take your point about there being a threshold though.

DepartureLounge · 29/10/2023 19:44

BlossomOfOrange · 29/10/2023 19:15

What @DepartureLounge says above makes sense to me as a next step

Edited

Though tbf, I assumed we were talking about primary aged kids until I saw the OP's update. I imagine everyone in this picture's conflict resolution style is pretty imprinted by now, and tbh slagging off teachers at home around-14 year-olds strikes me as pretty different from doing it around 8-year-olds or whatever.

As an alternative I might contact the school to ask if they can set up a decent system for making sure all the letters that should have come home and all the last-minute changes etc, are accessible to parents via, say, the school website, so that parents who don't want to subscribe to the toxic nest of vipers that is their year's whatsapp group don't need to rely on it. I'm sure the message will get through and if the SLT want any further information they can ask for it.

Mummy08m · 29/10/2023 19:49

Ewock · 29/10/2023 19:37

This is the problem though isn't it? We're so used to it, the government encourages it, so we're getting conditioned to just think oh well and let it go and try to ignore. But it isn't OK, these things cane seriously damage a teachers career.
I do take your point about there being a threshold though.

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Don't worry, it won't damage her career. If things like this could damage a career then I'd have lost my job a decade ago.

I've been called, by parents and in writing, vile, a monster, incompetent, and all sorts. I've learnt to shrug it off. I have once worked under difficult SLT who have said "the customer is always right" and in part blamed me for the abuse, which is another reason upthread I would discourage op from going to the head about it. Since then I've learnt not to give schools like that my time.

I know, and my employers know, that I'm not a monster and in fact quite competent. The thing with mudslinging, like in the op's whatsapp group, is no one takes it seriously, not even the mudslingers. It does nothing to a teacher's reputation because no one honestly values the opinion of those spitting-with-rage parents.

I agree that this country has gone too far with devaluing teaching as a profession; you could blame the government (although I personally blame a particular arm of the press and a particular past education secretary who is married to that arm of the press). But thats a separate debate and not really op's problem

CaptainMyCaptain · 29/10/2023 19:50

I must admit I assumed it was primary. I don't think my grandson's secondary school has a parents' WhatsApp group.

Bluetrue · 29/10/2023 20:06

OP, you did the right thing.

Although no-one publicly supported you on the group, you can bet your bottom dollar that most would have been punching the air that you called these bitchy women out. I for one would see you as a 'boss', as the kids say!!!

Don't leave the group and let them tell you what to do.

You stay there.

These type of women run in packs..total cowards alone.

PegasusReturns · 29/10/2023 20:13

There are Head teachers on this thread who say they have dealt with it and stopped it

they’ve emailed parents and said don’t complain about teachers on WhatsApp groups. I guarantee the parents have then formed another group where they continue to complain and the world continues to turn, un-policed by head teachers who have no authority over personal communications.

i’m not endorsing the bad behaviour of the parents concerned. It’s unhelpful, unpleasant and not in the slightest bit constructive. But it’s not illegal.

Longma · 29/10/2023 22:18

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines. at the request of it's author.

Lastchancechica · 30/10/2023 04:47

PegasusReturns · 29/10/2023 20:13

There are Head teachers on this thread who say they have dealt with it and stopped it

they’ve emailed parents and said don’t complain about teachers on WhatsApp groups. I guarantee the parents have then formed another group where they continue to complain and the world continues to turn, un-policed by head teachers who have no authority over personal communications.

i’m not endorsing the bad behaviour of the parents concerned. It’s unhelpful, unpleasant and not in the slightest bit constructive. But it’s not illegal.

Depending on the content, yes it could be illegal. The law has changed and been updated lately.

PegasusReturns · 30/10/2023 09:15

Depending on the content, yes it could be illegal. The law has changed and been updated lately

What an utterly pointless comment. Legality is always fact pattern specific and therefore dependent on content. The Op has already given examples of content and those messages are not going to reach threshold, new law or not.

Lastchancechica · 30/10/2023 15:27

PegasusReturns · 30/10/2023 09:15

Depending on the content, yes it could be illegal. The law has changed and been updated lately

What an utterly pointless comment. Legality is always fact pattern specific and therefore dependent on content. The Op has already given examples of content and those messages are not going to reach threshold, new law or not.

You would be surprised. Please see below a concise explanation:

https://www.saunders.co.uk/services/media-law/social-media-defamation-slander-libel/

Defamation, Slander & Libel on Social Media - Saunders Law

But while platforms such as Facebook, Twitter and Instagram have a huge positive influence, there is a much darker side of misinformation, “trolling” and cyberbullying. The perceived anonymity and often...

https://www.saunders.co.uk/services/media-law/social-media-defamation-slander-libel/

Lastchancechica · 30/10/2023 15:38

I have a clear summary here of exactly the legal route that the school could take and should take when dealing with parents that repeatedly abuse teachers on line. It is an offence and I hope the schools are reminding parents of legal action that can be taken.

It would be deemed more serious if the teacher was made to leave her job as a direct result, their mental and physical health was impacted. They lost their livelihood or house as a direct result of the harassment. The abuse was sustained and part of group action. I could go on.

Far too many pp on here think this is a non issue, and they are misguided in their attempts to minimise. This can and should be a police matter.

https://www.met.police.uk/advice/advice-and-information/har/harassment-on-social-media/

Haffiana · 30/10/2023 15:59

I see that some people cannot tell the difference between public social media and a private messaging group...

Walkaround · 30/10/2023 16:16

Whilst it is a private messaging group, there are clearly insufficient controls over how private it actually is, as not every member of that group is happy with the communication going on within it and there are no controls whatsoever over whether or not the material is disseminated outside the group. One thing is for sure, the remarks are certainly malicious and defamatory, even if not sufficiently so to be actionable when not communicated directly to the teacher. Any parent committing to writing that they think a teacher looks like a frump and needs a good shag is an utter idiot who deserves their own public humiliation.

Lastchancechica · 30/10/2023 16:20

Haffiana · 30/10/2023 15:59

I see that some people cannot tell the difference between public social media and a private messaging group...

It makes no difference.

WeeWillyWinkie9 · 30/10/2023 19:59

Zapzep · 29/10/2023 18:08

Does the op think that the teachers don’t have private discussions between themselves in the staff room, including criticism of certain children or the interactions of certain parents between the school? If so what is the difference?

if the school expects to see a private whats app group for parents prehaps they should put a public webcam in the staff room.

Edited

What is this staffroom that you speak of? Teachers don't have time to sit about in the staffroom in most schools, they are working all day!

Theydontknowthatweknowthattheyknow · 30/10/2023 21:04

Zapzep · 29/10/2023 18:08

Does the op think that the teachers don’t have private discussions between themselves in the staff room, including criticism of certain children or the interactions of certain parents between the school? If so what is the difference?

if the school expects to see a private whats app group for parents prehaps they should put a public webcam in the staff room.

Edited

Don't be ridiculous. I hope and think that this absolutely doesn't happen in any staffrooms. Would I expect my child's teacher to moan that I forgot her water bottle again? Or that I'm a hopeless scatterbrain that forgot to fill in her reading diary? Sure. I expect that. However I'd hit the roof if I found out they were attacking my personal appearance or making vile comments about my sex life. The 2 things are worlds apart. I genuinely don't believe that the vast majority of teachers would say anything like what the OP describes and if they did they'd deserve to be fired on the spot

PegasusReturns · 30/10/2023 21:31

@Lastchancechica Actually no I wouldn’t be surprised by what the law permits or does not permit.

either you haven’t read through your links, you don’t understand them or your are reading things into the OP which have not been stated.

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 30/10/2023 21:36

Peoplemakemedespair · 29/10/2023 14:57

I can’t believe you are literally going to tell the teacher on them. Are you 5 op? 🤦🏼‍♀️ do not take and send the head screenshots of a private WhatsApp group, it’s got fuck all to do with the school. What on earth do you expect the school to do about it? Give them detention? If you disagree with the discussion so much then you should probably leave the group

You've got a lot of growing up to do by the looks of this post. Wow

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 30/10/2023 21:38

TookTheBook · 29/10/2023 15:14

The school will say the parents' WhatsApp group is unofficial and nothing to do with them. You need to manage this yourself as an adult - either by backing down and letting it blow over, or leave the group

No they won’t! The home - school agreement will have a policy about social media and representing the school online

PabloandGustheGreySquirrels · 30/10/2023 21:44

@MadeleineMummy Please do show the screenshots to the headteacher after half term ends next week. He/she needs to know so that they can protect their Staff member.

Fozyart · 02/11/2023 06:23

I can't believe the people calling you out for reporting it. That's saying bullying is OK.

EmmaWRen2013 · 02/11/2023 06:31

Exactly that

Ohnoooooooo · 02/11/2023 07:06

MadeleineMummy · 29/10/2023 19:09

This is a state secondary school with a good reputation. Massive entry to Oxbridge last year which is why all the local people fight to get in. I am a working mother and don’t get involved in the school and don’t go to the school gates so I am a bit isolated as to what is going on. I do rely on the WhatsApp group as my daughter often forgets to bring letters home or I find them weeks later in her bag (she is in year 9 and still a bit of a daydreamer, but a wonderful child nonetheless).

i don’t know any of the people in the group and they do not know me m, which is why i got so much hate when I put my head above the parapet to call them out. I only joined recently as I spoke to a Mum during a parent’s evening who told me about the group. I thought it would an opportunity to get to know the community. I do not know the dynamic, who the leaders are or the etiquette of the group but I do know right from wrong and seemed to get so much hatred for voicing something I do not believe is right.

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Completely off topic but being disorganised, forgetting things and a bit of a day dreamer are red flags for inattentive adhd - often missed in girls I was the same and diagnosed at 50 plus.