Parents’ WhatsApp Group vile comments

[MadeleineMummy]

i am a member of my year’s WhatsApp group and one of the parents has posted rather a vile comment about one of the teachers. The child got a bad mark and the parent said she looked at the homework and the questions were ambiguous and badly worded. She then had a rant at the (rather young) teacher and said that she told her daughter that the teacher was an idiot and to ignore her. I posted that this was not an appropriate thing to say and would undermine the discipline in the school. Then several other women started having a go at me also stating concerns with the teacher due to her harsh marking and strictness. They said the WhatsApp group was the place to discuss concerns about the teacher and if I did not like it, I could leave the group.

I think the comments are inappropriate but also find the group invaluable for school issues, last minute changes and information about trips etc. but I find a small group of women seem to have taken over the group to rant about one teacher and victimise her. My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject.

I feel like telling the teacher or the school as I have taken screenshots of the conversations, the comments are pretty bad and includes stuff about her personal life along the lines of (“she obviously needs a good shag”, “She looks like a frump”, etc). Do you think it would create a bad feeling if I share this with her? I also don’t know what it would achieve if I broach this with the school but I think that undermining a teacher is the most appropriate use of the whatsApp parents group.

what should I do?

So teachers are fair game? Wow

I would leave the group, but I wouldn't report it as they will now all know it's you

Yes I agree that schools can take action against defamation but I don't think this particular case in the op is anywhere near the threshold. Even saying "Ms X is a bad teacher" isn't defamation because it's subjective and unfalsifiable. Also, we teachers are entirely used to it because of websites like Rate my Teacher

We had class work where the teacher was mispronoucing a word of the reading material. OH, she did NOT like being corrected,

i dont see how calling someone a frump and she needs a shag is helpful to their kids education its just nasty and bitchy and nothing t do with how she teaches

how are you the vile one for pointing it out

The parents saying these inappropriate things are vile and probably thick as shit. They probably don’t realise or care that wassap groups can be used in evidence

We have to be careful with work WhatsApp messages because they are discoverable. Same as emails.

I wouldn't be committing that sort of shit to social media. Not that I would anyone. It's pig ignorant and nasty.

Parents laying into teachers and bitching about the school without directly communicating with the teacher or school are demonstrating their avoidable nature, if they want to exhibit it in public, make it public.

they said shes is frumpy and needs a shag is that the same as saying shes a bad teacher

What an idiotic comment.

You literally edited your thread to add that last bit.

Have a word with yourself.

You sound about 4.

Besides there's always a member of school staff that gets included on these groups in some way. I work at a school but my child is there, there's a lot of non teaching staff who are some sort of relationship to parents or teachers. Always gets out

You sound as if you condone this behaviour.

It's just bullying. It's vile and frankly chavvy behaviour. Just leave the group and state why and say that it's a shame as you think the reminders about trips, charity days etc are useful. It gives other people who feel the same as you a chance to approach you and you may end up with another group starting up which is more "professional" and not a bitchfest.

@MadeleineMummy
is this for a state school or a private school ?

No it's not the same. It's dreadful and disgusting but it's not defamation.

I'm not sure why I'm bothering to try and explain this because some people can't separate morality and legality.

The parents' behaviour in that whatsapp group is extremely deplorable. It does not follow that it's legally actionable.

For the avoidance of doubt for those who aren't getting it: I'm not condoning those parents. It is harmful to their kids. It is not benign. But I just don't think there is much, if anything, that any authority can do about it.

It’s more likely that the parents could be charged with a malicious communication offence. This covers social media, and depending on the severity of harm or potential harm it might fall under other communication offences. We are seeing many cases now.

The school are obliged by law to protect their staff from harm, so I would expect a robust response. The days are gone when you can post what you like, whether some are aware of this change to the law or not.

https://www.cps.gov.uk/legal-guidance/social-media-and-other-electronic-communications

You sound as if you condone this behaviour

@adriftinadenofvipers why?

I think if you’re old enough to be part of a parents WhatsApp group you need to understand that you will read things you disagree with.

As an adult you can chose to call out bad behaviour or not.

As an adult you can chose to participate or not.

As an adult you can remove yourself
from situations or not.

What you cannot do is expect everyone to behave as you would like them to and what you absolutely should not do is copy those messages outside of the group. What would you even be trying to achieve in doing so?

Other people’s opinion of you are generally none of your business. No one has the right to live criticism free and bringing this to the teachers attention would achieve nothing.

@MadeleineMummy

It’s the fact that the group has a large audience and is for class communication. You are absolutely right to call it out. Yes, they will try and defend their actions and try to make you feel bad. No, don’t leave and let them ‘win’. It is cyber bullying, and you have to consider the impact of those words on all members of the group - and ultimately the welfare of the children of the class.

It’s quite a large public group. Horrible snide comments are - perhaps - for one to one conversations.

I think you should inform the headteacher. The ‘needing a good shag’ is way out of line. Bully’s win by trying to silence others.

We have instructions on how to interact with each other on the class what's app group. Sent to all parents by the head. I found the these ridiculous because why do adults need to be told to be respectful of each other and not to gossip.

This thread has taught me otherwise. The school needs to be made aware of what is being said about the teacher so that it can be addressed via appropriate channels. Speak to the head.

This is not a malicious communications matter 🙄

but perhaps OP could log it with 101

Lord help me.

I don't see why you should leave the group if it's useful to you, and personally I would stand my ground and say that I had no intention of leaving (if you don't). But I would also say that I agree it's OK to discuss potential problems with teachers as long as it's constructive. So, fine, in my book, to say, "Am I the only one who thinks Miss X sets too much homework?" but not fine to say, "Miss X is a complete cow and needs to go." Fine to discuss, not fine to slag off. Because these are the more grown-up ways we're hoping our children are starting to learn about frustration and conflict, right? I'd have thought the silent majority will agree with that, which means you'll have back up at the school gate/PTA etc and your kid won't get ostracised by the mean mums.

Better than flouncing imo. I wouldn't involve the school if it stops after that, but I might if it escalated.

This is a state secondary school with a good reputation. Massive entry to Oxbridge last year which is why all the local people fight to get in. I am a working mother and don’t get involved in the school and don’t go to the school gates so I am a bit isolated as to what is going on. I do rely on the WhatsApp group as my daughter often forgets to bring letters home or I find them weeks later in her bag (she is in year 9 and still a bit of a daydreamer, but a wonderful child nonetheless).

i don’t know any of the people in the group and they do not know me m, which is why i got so much hate when I put my head above the parapet to call them out. I only joined recently as I spoke to a Mum during a parent’s evening who told me about the group. I thought it would an opportunity to get to know the community. I do not know the dynamic, who the leaders are or the etiquette of the group but I do know right from wrong and seemed to get so much hatred for voicing something I do not believe is right.

Would you consider class whatsapp groups set up by parents to be akin to conversations between parents off school grounds? How would you respond to this if you overheard it in the local park?

What @DepartureLounge says above makes sense to me as a next step

This happened in a school I know. Head was notified with screen shots and a letter was sent out. It simply stated that if comments continued action would be taken. They said that if it came to a parents attention that a teacher was bad mouthing a parent, that parent would want a robust response. So expect teachers to want the same robust response. The letter then told parents how to actually make a complaint to gain an actual resolution.