Parents’ WhatsApp Group vile comments

[MadeleineMummy]

i am a member of my year’s WhatsApp group and one of the parents has posted rather a vile comment about one of the teachers. The child got a bad mark and the parent said she looked at the homework and the questions were ambiguous and badly worded. She then had a rant at the (rather young) teacher and said that she told her daughter that the teacher was an idiot and to ignore her. I posted that this was not an appropriate thing to say and would undermine the discipline in the school. Then several other women started having a go at me also stating concerns with the teacher due to her harsh marking and strictness. They said the WhatsApp group was the place to discuss concerns about the teacher and if I did not like it, I could leave the group.

I think the comments are inappropriate but also find the group invaluable for school issues, last minute changes and information about trips etc. but I find a small group of women seem to have taken over the group to rant about one teacher and victimise her. My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject.

I feel like telling the teacher or the school as I have taken screenshots of the conversations, the comments are pretty bad and includes stuff about her personal life along the lines of (“she obviously needs a good shag”, “She looks like a frump”, etc). Do you think it would create a bad feeling if I share this with her? I also don’t know what it would achieve if I broach this with the school but I think that undermining a teacher is the most appropriate use of the whatsApp parents group.

what should I do?

You have a strong sense of right and wrong and so do I - so I get it. You weren’t wrong at all in what you did - but I think if you had of asked someone like me at the time my advice to you would be to notify the school and ask for confidentiality and not say anything yourself to the parent group - let the school deal with it. And that would be my suggestion if something similar ever happened going forward.
If you have joined this parent group for admin information, you yourself - no matter how well meaning and noble - have accidentally crossed the boundary of that yourself by posting an opinion. An unfortunately I suspect you are going to be in a position where you have given an opinion but neither other parents or the school are going to support you - effectively making yourself a martyr but for no gain.
Your priority is your daughter - for all school stuff it’s always better to be a messenger and let the school know if you think something is not right for them to decide how to deal with it - but don’t try and fight their battles as sadly I suspect you will not be thanked by anyone for your efforts.
I hope you are ok and that this passes soon for you.

This!! Seems crazy to me a grown women is thinking of telling the teacher on other mums for talking about a teacher!! Just leave the group simple if y don't like it like they said

It’s not just telling on someone - it’s malicious content under the law and it’s crossed a boundary and needs to be shut down. What is crazy is the parent posting the comments - not someone recognising how wrong they are. Imagine if this teacher was you or a close family member. It needs to be stopped before it spirals.

This is the met police’s description of malicious communication.
“If there has only been a single communication, it’s unlikely it would qualify as harassment, but could be considered a malicious communication. For such an offence to be committed, a message must be sent to another person, or sent via a public communications network, that is indecent, grossly offensive, obscene, threatening or menacing.”
I think the teacher might find the comments grossly offensive.

Unfortunately, it has turned into a bun fight with several people supporting the comments and stating that the WhatsApp group is the most appropriate place to criticise people who are responsible for our children’s education and they need to be held accountable for their actions.

How is moaning on a WhatsApp group holding anyone to account? If they have genuine reason for complaint they should take it through the appropriate channels. It's just cowardly to do it on the WhatsApp if they're not prepared to actually speak out where it can be heard.

And posting in WhatsApp will achieve what exsctly, in terms of improving their perceived problem? Surely the appropriate thing to do is take it up with the school? Unfortunately many teachers are unable to discipline, teach, mark fairly, feel valued by society, and maintain a sense of self worth because of this sort of thing. We're currently in the middle of s teacher retention and recruitment crisis with the average teacher's carer lasting 6 years and the head of the teacher mental health helpline (the fact we have such a thing tells its own story) describing teaching as a "tour of duty" and claiming it is no longer a viable "career" due to the long term stress teachers are put under. When did you last see a teacher over 55 in a school? You won't, they're burned out or disposed of because they're expensive, yet the pension starts at age 67. What a shame the general public don't help or support the "People who help us".

Huh? What does what grown adults think of a teacher have to do with the school or head teacher? They aren't threatening her life they are making, yes, unkind comments about her but ultimately it's a private messaging group and last I checked we still have freedom of expression no matter how childish the comments are, nothing will come of it as the school can't and honestly won't do anything about a bit of moaning in a WhatsApp group. The school and head teacher have no authority over them and would do nothing about it unless a crime is being committed like proven threats to life which is NOT happening. Just be an adult and leave the group. I think it boils down to you not liking the way they responded to you by saying you can leave and now you feel you must do something to get back which is only going to cause more issues for you and your daughter as I'm sure the classmates of the women will over hear chat of you being suspected of sending screenshots as you are the only one that kicked off. You telling the teacher will not help her especially if she is young and inexperienced you will effect her psyche and knock her confidence. And for the moaning parents, They can be mad all they want and say what they like but she is the teacher and she has the authority over how she educates their children in lessons and marks their work, so that's just tough for them. Leave in grace and not in drama.

"Peoplemakemedespair
I can’t believe you are literally going to tell the teacher on them. Are you 5 op? 🤦🏼‍♀️ do not take and send the head screenshots of a private WhatsApp group, it’s got fuck all to do with the school. What on earth do you expect the school to do about it? Give them detention? If you disagree with the discussion so much then you should probably leave the group"

Miss!! Abby’s mum said she thought you were an idiot on the WhatsApp group and the other mums agreed with her! 🤣🤣🤣 why the fuck would you ‘snitch’ on your kids mates mums 😂

___\

Blimey.

Can I be really rude @Peoplemakemedespair and @Aylestone and ask what age you are?

The headteacher does on the other hand have plenty to do with their children and with the teacher they are slagging off. This sort of attitude to the teacher is going to rub off on the children and affect her ability to teach, so it's very much the headteacher's business.

This small group are appalling and malicious, I have worked in schools for many years and their children will grow up to match them .Keep your distance,just use the sight when you have to x

How lovely that parents support bullying, no wonder there is so much in a schools when this is how the parents behave.

If the parent has a genuine problem with the teaching standard they should raise it with the school not on a petty WhatsApp group…newsflash…these groups are not private.

It’s not about “snitching”, it is about treating people with respect and following proper channels if there is a problem.

I would be worried that without the screen shots and it being carefully worded that would be taken out of context and cost a teacher their job.

I would be very careful about what you want to achieve. Now that the parents know you don't agree with them if the school were to find out (by you or by anyone else) you could be first in line for their attacks.

That being said, anything defamatory could be reported to the school, but be aware that they may report it to the police. It sounds like a new group should be created excluding these nasty parents. I personally wouldn't want anything to do with the current WA group.

OP your instincts are spot on, tell the head. It's one thing to express concern over the way homework was set but the stuff about 'she needs a good shag' etc are just vile bullying of a young teacher. There should be no place for bullying anywhere in the school ecosystem including social media and the parents need to set an example. Some parents are utterly pathetic. The head can put out a message about it. Also, don't leave the group because of these toxic parents if you find it helpful. Just use it for the updates etc and don't engage, that's what I do mostly. Couldn't care less what the weirdos who use it to constantly gripe think about me!

Parent whatsapp groups are a total minefield - I do think this is great and insightful advice from @abscinth though

Our school has a whatsapp group for every yeargroup, and so far they have all had enough "positive" parents to keep this sort of thing at bay. But there's an art to it - I find it's best to say something like you did in your post here: "My child says she is strict but likes her as she is a good teacher and she loves the subject,"rather than directly criticising. Other positive parents can then either emulate your comments or "thumbs up" your post to express their support, without it turning into a bun fight.

Every parental WhatsApp group I’ve ever been in (three schools in two countries) has been polite and used virtually entirely for questions about homework, forest school, PE kit etc. On the one occasion a parent made unpleasant remarks about school staff on a group, she was roundly reprimanded (and ended up being banned from school grounds and events for threatening behaviour towards other parents).

I imagine the Head, if someone brings it to his/her attention will say that the parents’ WhatsApp is not affiliated with the school, and nor is it a public FB, so there’s no matter of bringing the school or teacher’s name into disrepute etc. think the most that would happen would be an email to all parents asking them to raise grievances with the school, rather than bitching on a WhatsApp group.

Oh, and I’m an academic. We get far worse comments on anonymous student evaluation questionnaires. (I mean, very occasionally, but from time to time.) You get hardened.

You get worse ones if you're female. According to UCU statistics female academics, from Professorial level to Associate Lecturers, receive consistently harsher MEQ feedback than their male colleagues.

Depressing, but predicatable.

The right way to respond to this issue is to disassociate yourself from idle, unpleasant gossip.

Tell the headteacher. Last year, our class WhatsApp group were saying unkind things about teachers etc (but not as vile as the comments made by those on your group chat OP), I suspect there must have been other classes doing similar. Not too long after that all parents got an email from headteacher setting their policy on the use of class whatsapps etc and that if there are any complaints /grievances about teachers they need to be addressed directly with the school and not discussed on WhatsApp etc. Since then our class WhatsApp group have been behaving.

Absolutely it is depressing but predictable. I remember being terribly upset in my first year in my first job by a really snide comment on my clothes and a graphic sexual fantasy about giving me a ‘good shag’ in my office hour.

I should drop it. It will just go on. Support the teacher in your own way. But resist talking negatively about her or anyone. What goes round comes round...If something else happens you will know when to speak or do something..

Isn't it just mums bitching about a teacher they don't like, I no at our school there are mums always moaning about a certain teacher,,, I have voiced my thoughts about said teacher to the office myself an suggested she work in an old people's home or a library because she defenatly doesn't like children so shudnt work with them. I think every mum I no moans about a teacher they don't like a have a little bitch btwn mums, I cudnt Imagine anyone I no going to the head an saying some of the mums are picking on one of your teachers please help. Ridiculous

An can just imagine the back lash when other mums find out one of them have gone an told of them to the head

How horrible. I'm sorry that happened to you.

Malicious communication IS upsetting when you're on the receiving end, and sometimes it goes beyond malicious and into threatening territory. That should absolutely be nipped in the bud. This is just a bunch of griping parents: unpleasant but fairly easy to avoid. Having seen their BS IMO doesn't place OP under moral obligation to handle it, or to take it on as her particular issue. My own stance with the school is simply to refuse to engage with unpleasant gossip, and thankfully in all my DC's years at primary (now Y5) I've only ever come across one instance of it.

It's possible students get bogged down with survey-fatigue, as they're constantly being invited to offer their opinions on the teaching they receive and the 'student experience'. But IME when people are invited to complain, they often will.

A colleague of mine received not so covert rape threats via the module evaluation questionnaire system. This ended up a police matter. I had one seminar group, just once, get really personal with me in their MEQ. Nobody told me ahead of time that there was an ongoing issue with this particular cohort, and I could have done with the warning. They were nasty as hell - but so nasty they negated any legitimate complaints they might have made. I found I couldn't take them particularly seriously, although negative comments did used to upset me as a junior academic.

It's unfortunate, and we shouldn't have to, but educators do get hardened to this.

I think the headteacher should know, because if further down the line these parents kick up a fuss or make some kind of trouble for the teacher, at least the School leadership will know a lot of it may be driven by their personal hatred of this teacher, rather than any legitimate concern about her teaching.

I used to work in various schools,
but not as a teacher, so sometimes parents would confide in me. I recall one parent telling me her and other parents called the female class teacher the name of a well known plump balding male comedian.

The comedian’s name has escaped me, but I know the face and it definitely wasn’t a compliment to liken her to him. She saw my face expression and tried to backtrack but I was clearly appalled as it hit me that this was now normal behaviour in some schools.

This was over a decade ago and I can only imagine things have got worse. I grew up in quite a working class community with outspoken adults but I can’t imagine any of them behaving like that back then in the 90s. Vile behaviour really.

I don’t blame any of the teachers leaving the profession at all. It’s a thankless job sometimes.

I think if you’re on a large wassap group , such as a school one , you should be very aware about what you type. Not everyone on there will be a friend , you have to be careful what you say.
In any case, it’s unacceptable what has been said about another person.

I don’t blame people for leaving teaching , there’s such a underclass of people nowadays, who would want to do such a responsible job for no thanks ?