Don't worry about affording private school. My experiences as a mature uni student have convinced me private school is a waste of money.

[Joffmognum]

For context: I didn't go to uni at the usual time - I was a teenage mum, didn't do A-Levels, dropped out of school and had DS unplanned aged 18. Working class, worked minimum wage jobs, rented a room, toddler and I shared one bed, etc. I was well into my twenties before I had £1000 to my name. But I decided that I wanted to go to university anyway, so, with a lot of hard work, and after waiting for DS to grow up a bit, I did. I'm now 26 and almost done with an engineering integrated masters degree at a very nice, top 10 university.

I've since befriended a lot of other students who went to private schools, including boarding schools. And they're VERY aware that their parents spent £100k+ on an education that meant they "could go" to a university like ours - which gives them A LOT of pressure - but they're going to the same place I am? Which I managed to get into with a young child to care for, an underfunded state college course, and not quite enough food in the fridge?

If you have a lot of cash to spare, then I understand paying the fees. But if you're paying for private school primarily so your kid will get into a nice university, it almost seems like a waste of money to me?

Like, if they have the drive to go to a nice university, they will anyway? And if they can't get the appropriate grades on a state-level education, they'll find it very difficult once they're there?

There's so much depression, anxiety and stress amongst students these days. I adore university and the technical internships I've done through it, but among the private school kids especially, their hearts often don't seem in it, like they're doing it because of inertia.

One told me recently that the reason he works so hard for firsts is because he can't face telling his dad he got low grades, because he knows how expensive his boarding school was. Another confided in me today that he doesn't actually want to be an automotive engineer: he'd rather be a mechanic.

As ever it turns into a private bashing thread. Many people don't appreciate what private schools have to offer and that is ok. But it is also ok to send your kids there if you want to.

Interestingly, the evidence shows that state educated kids do better at university than privately educated kids. It was noticeable how the privately educated kids at my Russell group uni struggled to self motivate after being spoon fed at school for so many years.

However, given the falling standards at most state schools I can see why so many scrimp to send their kids to private schools.

interested to find out more - could you please share a link to the evidence please? Am guessing it's a published paper?

Smaller class sizes, a calmer environment. Have a young relative with mild additional needs at a private school. Positives seem to be consistent support. A big negative is that there does not seem to have been a comprehensive assessment of what is wrong and I worry they are missing a diagnosis and the additional support that may bring. Hopefully the school won't spit them out during the transition to secondary.

https://www.theguardian.com/teacher-network/teacher-blog/2014/aug/02/secret-teacher-autism-fees-private-school-teaching

@nocantdo and adding to what @Flyingfup said

Some private schools are specifically geared towards SEN children. Not all private schools are about the Elite.

My experience is that they might not push a diagnosis (why would they? I don’t think they’d get extra money for that) but they are able to listen and support children in a way state schools don’t. From being able to spot behaviour to encouraging independence, finding (less fashionable) interest for the children etc…
And tbh as long as behaviour isn’t an issue (I’m talking drugs on school prémices, kicking doors etc…) children are rarely kicked out at my (old) dcs school.

I don’t really get this point

would make more sense if you’d identified the uni as being oxbridge, Durham, St Andrews etc

not just “my kids attend university”

I send my children to private schools and I get a perverse pleasure from the frothing!

There isn’t a single university in the UK with 40% privately educated students. You don’t have your facts straight @PegasusReturns

I’m always skeptical of a stat and the doesn’t bother to reference the source

why would you - if the source was your imagination

My kids don't go to private school (can't afford it), but totally disagree with your assessment. Think there two aspects to a successful career, initial educational achievement (to get you to interview) and softer skills, such as communication.

My observation is that private school kids have relatively higher level of confidence (not necessarily skill), and this self assurance combined with intellect will take them further in their careers and bring in more £££.

It's no coincidence that, while only 7% of children are privately educated, they take up a disproportionate percentage of top professions (senior judge (59%), permanent secretaries (52%), diplomats (52%), journalists (44%), actors (44%)..'

My ex boyfriend is a consultant at a leading UK hospital.

He's from a comprehensive school background with a drunk father who beat him.

Sorry Zone2 your toddlers on a pathway to selective schools from nursery children will have to come into contact with such people.

Always able to establish who else is private school and where they attended.

@Zone2NorthLondon seeing the number if private schools in England, it’s an amazing skill to be able to establish exactly which private school they attended.
Or do you mean only the top 5??

I don't know. I think it's gone rather well for the private school camp.

I think that the social benefits of private school (and more generally mixing in middle class circles) are a bit more complex than just "confidence".

Accent is a massive factor that people haven't picked up on here. It's also a type of social awareness, having the ability to fit in with educated and privileged people and be at ease with them. You can be very confident but completely miss the social cues that will mark you out as being not "one of us".

Yes, it was from some research done in 2015. I believe there have been other studies that have shown similar results.

https://www.cambridgeassessment.org.uk/news/state-school-pupils-do-better-at-university-cambridge-assessment-research-confirms/

Are you quibbling over 1-2%? Seriously?

Some people think that flying business class is a waste of money because business and economy class passengers all arrive at the same place. Chances are the business class passengers have a more pleasant and less stressful experience on the way though.

My DC are privately educated for the sake of the journey, not the destination.

I was a working class kid who went to a local independent selective day school on a 100% assisted place. I was bright but there were others in my class at state primary who were brighter and more confident than me. I adored my school and it gave me amazing opportunities beyond exam results.

The difference in our lives has been huge, despite me being no more able than my primary school peers. Kids in my primary school class are now mechanics, hairdressers, one local journalist. All good lives but pretty ‘safe’ and moderately achieving. In contrast, I went to a great university, have travelled, have a great network of friends across the world, have a well paying profession, and because of the circles I socialised in married an able man in a similarly well paying role. We are wealthy and my children have a very different childhood to my own.

It is clear to me that my (free) place at a private school bought me huge social, professional and economic advantages. To ignore those structural inequalities does a disservice to the many able children who under achieve in mediocre (and I know not all are mediocre) state schools.

Absolutely perfect post.

Thank you. You have articulated in the most perfect way how I feel about privately educating my children

Best post I’ve ever read on any thread by @MackenMayor in my opinion

I suspect the noticeably absent OP was just trying to stir the well worn pot. Her own story doesn't stand up to too close scrutiny anyway, but it's had the desired effect of rehearsing all the usual prejudices.

More heat than light, as they say.

School attended It’s not established by telepathy ,it’s quickly elicited by direct questioning. It is not amazing in the least just how the conversation goes when discussing what school did one attend?

Sorry. That’s not what I understood from your post.
I thought you could tell just from the way the person was behaving/holding themselves etc….

So how does that work in practice? If you meet someone who did not attend one of the “right” schools you turn on your heel and walk away? You only interact (and only want your children to interact) with an extremely narrow demographic that is the same as you? Can’t quite believe what I’m reading tbh.

One of the things that makes me proud is that my 14 year old is firm friends with both the daughter of aristocratic billionaires and the daughter of a single mother who is a cleaner.

I don't like people who are snobby to me that's a mental health problem because they are too caught in illusion but nepotism yes is where it's at. it's all that whom you know. i see some parents do this at Eaton House Manor in which the parent talks to a lot of other parents...... the child doesn't look to happy though and could do with some fun