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Education

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Don't worry about affording private school. My experiences as a mature uni student have convinced me private school is a waste of money.

237 replies

Joffmognum · 03/10/2023 22:09

For context: I didn't go to uni at the usual time - I was a teenage mum, didn't do A-Levels, dropped out of school and had DS unplanned aged 18. Working class, worked minimum wage jobs, rented a room, toddler and I shared one bed, etc. I was well into my twenties before I had £1000 to my name. But I decided that I wanted to go to university anyway, so, with a lot of hard work, and after waiting for DS to grow up a bit, I did. I'm now 26 and almost done with an engineering integrated masters degree at a very nice, top 10 university.

I've since befriended a lot of other students who went to private schools, including boarding schools. And they're VERY aware that their parents spent £100k+ on an education that meant they "could go" to a university like ours - which gives them A LOT of pressure - but they're going to the same place I am? Which I managed to get into with a young child to care for, an underfunded state college course, and not quite enough food in the fridge?

If you have a lot of cash to spare, then I understand paying the fees. But if you're paying for private school primarily so your kid will get into a nice university, it almost seems like a waste of money to me?

Like, if they have the drive to go to a nice university, they will anyway? And if they can't get the appropriate grades on a state-level education, they'll find it very difficult once they're there?

There's so much depression, anxiety and stress amongst students these days. I adore university and the technical internships I've done through it, but among the private school kids especially, their hearts often don't seem in it, like they're doing it because of inertia.

One told me recently that the reason he works so hard for firsts is because he can't face telling his dad he got low grades, because he knows how expensive his boarding school was. Another confided in me today that he doesn't actually want to be an automotive engineer: he'd rather be a mechanic.

OP posts:
Iloveavocadoes · 04/10/2023 22:11

Congratulations, but I couldn't disagree more. All the money I spent on school fees, I would spend again, and again, and again. My son received a good education and great opportunities that I never had. He was extremely fortunate to be able to receive a private education

eatonhouseparent · 04/10/2023 22:11

TheaBrandt · 04/10/2023 22:04

So how does that work in practice? If you meet someone who did not attend one of the “right” schools you turn on your heel and walk away? You only interact (and only want your children to interact) with an extremely narrow demographic that is the same as you? Can’t quite believe what I’m reading tbh.

One of the things that makes me proud is that my 14 year old is firm friends with both the daughter of aristocratic billionaires and the daughter of a single mother who is a cleaner.

Wow that's amazing. I am thinking the same for my school, you want to raise a child in a way that is a people's person. If parents are being snobby about people who attend a private school they have a serious mental problem. I can understand being selective and oftentimes times that depends on mothers interaction with other mothers.

eatonhouseparent · 04/10/2023 22:12

i think you were one of the lucky ones

TheaBrandt · 05/10/2023 07:35

If my teen judged others by what school they attended I would feel I had massively failed as a parent frankly.

That grown adults are dong so and boasting about it is quite astounding. Never seen such a compelling argument against private schooling.

TheaBrandt · 05/10/2023 07:39

Thankfully my teens private school friends are absolutely lovely girls and don’t give two hoots that Dd goes to a state school.

Mamagotmilk · 05/10/2023 08:13

I work somewhere where historically people will differentiate on which Oxford college you attended. Majority are seriously posh and privately educated. I went to state school got A*\As throughout and went to a great university for my subject as first in family to attend. I’ve done well at work and don’t have an issue with my colleagues many of who are friends.

My DC will go to private school because the state school where I live in London is a terrible fit for my DC. I will make sacrifices because we aren’t rich and that’s what you do for your children. I want them to be happy and successful (on their own terms). Sounds like the people you know have dysfunctional relationships with their parents rather than anything specific to private school.

Ilefttownonsaturday · 05/10/2023 13:20

Has our learned friend the op returned to the thread? @Joffmognum

TheaBrandt · 05/10/2023 13:37

Don’t see any problem with doing the best for your children - but then crowing about then being in a secret “in” club for the rest of your life essentially based only on your parents income and school choice is pretty pathetic.

Mountaineer0009 · 05/10/2023 15:50

you only have to read the oxfess, and camfess facebook pages, to see that yes there are some that achieved oxbridge due to parents etc, but then i presume there are many other people too that have used the education opportunities to do well.

Spirallingdownwards · 05/10/2023 16:04

pocketpairs · 04/10/2023 16:34

My kids don't go to private school (can't afford it), but totally disagree with your assessment. Think there two aspects to a successful career, initial educational achievement (to get you to interview) and softer skills, such as communication.

My observation is that private school kids have relatively higher level of confidence (not necessarily skill), and this self assurance combined with intellect will take them further in their careers and bring in more £££.

It's no coincidence that, while only 7% of children are privately educated, they take up a disproportionate percentage of top professions (senior judge (59%), permanent secretaries (52%), diplomats (52%), journalists (44%), actors (44%)..'

I would say that mistake those (even the judges compared to what they would get if practised) are often low paid initially or take cuts to take office and therefore it tends to be those that have access to family money who can get into them to start with.

Broccoliforever · 05/10/2023 16:18

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Lifeinlists · 05/10/2023 23:01

Ilefttownonsaturday · 05/10/2023 13:20

Has our learned friend the op returned to the thread? @Joffmognum

It was a hit and run. Disingenuous at best.

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