Epsom College tragedy

[Bambala]

I was horrified to read the story about the headteacher and family dying this morning, this poor family and I can't stop thinking about how the children at school must feel learning about this tragedy. I am sure the staff there are being brilliant at supporting them. I remember hearing that my old headteacher had died after I left school and even then being really shocked and upset.

he should have married a 20 yr old who earns less than himself!
If he could 'comandeer' a 20 year old then probably he would have, but modern young women don't want men like him.
He probably thought it would be easy to outrank an older woman because she would be grateful that a younger man wanted to be with her and have a child with her.
Instead she effortlessly outshone him so he had to destroy her and her lovely daughter.
Man the despicable primitive destroyer.

She was only 5-6 years older than him! Hardly categorises her as an ‘older woman’. They were in the same age bracket.

I agree, but I think that he would have seen himself as a catch because he is younger, his route to assuming the dominant position in the relationship would have been via seeing her someone who is past it and should be grateful.

Just because he was younger didn’t make him “a catch”. She was beautiful, intelligent, nice and vivacious. He was consumed with envy. Horrible man.

Did I say he was a catch???
No I did not!!
I just said that was how he would have seen himself... Or can't you read properly???

Lol sorry but this is pure fantasy. This is beyond conjecture, it’s fiction.

Who knew the scumbags psychiatrist was a mumsnetter.

Let’s remember that many abusive men take a greater pleasure from targeting and destroying women who they perceive to be stronger, or more successful.

As I can attest to from my first marriage, they are often also outwardly charming, making the woman feel that she won’t be believed, or gaslit into believing the behaviour is acceptable and her fault.

The only good that can come out of this horrific tragedy is if it can encourage one woman to get out, or prevent one woman from entering an abusive relationship.

We need to support and educate our young women to know these red flags, that they will be believed, and that it is not their fault. It won’t save all the women killed but it might save a few.

Say I don’t think we can educate the men to stop them being abusers.

👆

It’s not just about targeting successful women - basically professional men tend to marry professional women and some professional men are abusive just as they are from any other kind of background.

I do get a bit tired of people thinking that mental illness turns people into killers. It really doesn't.

More details from the Daily Mail just confirm the view that he didn't really work, spent money and would have felt insecure in his "role" as a husband of a successful and liked person. From personal experience I also know that events such as the rugby last Saturday gives an excuse for extensive drinking (starting at lunchtime) and anger that your team hasn't won. It's a fact that DV increases on dates of major sporting events.

They haven’t confirmed that at all. A neighbour said he seemed to work from home and they’d see him sometimes drinking a glass of red wine in his kitchen extension. It doesn’t say if this was in the evening or what.

You can’t really take from that that there’s confirmation he ‘would have felt insecure’.

I get that it’s shocking and people want to work out what happened but it’s like an episode of Poirot with people playing armchair forensic psychologist.

Please remember these are real people with real relatives and friends. The sort of gossip that this thread has descended into is not helpful.

Newsflash - this is a discussion forum. People are going to discuss and exchange ideas. And it's not compulsory attendance so feel free to carry on with your day.

Yes I find it extraordinary that people come onto mumsnet to shut down discussion

Exactly! You'd think some of these people had insider knowledge, the way they decide what's happened.

Not "think", they "know"!

It's not discussion. Discussion involves actual information, and ways of understanding the information and its implications.

This is speculation- which is also ok, if it's clearly labelled as such by a modifier, 'I wonder if.... I think that....'

Stating as fact what he was thinking or feeling is fabrication- unless you have read his diary?

At the inquest people will report conversations they had with him and any diary will have been read. That's when we find out his state of mind.