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Original poster

Independent School - suggestions?

157 replies

Louise2004 · 31/01/2008 10:32

We've started thinking about choosing a school for our son, who is now 8, for when he's aged 11-18. Somewhere not far from London (or with good links to London) would be ideal - Surrey, Sussex, Oxford etc. - and the school should preferably be mixed/co-ed and offer weekly boarding as well as full-time boarding. Any suggestions, as well as comments on your own/your child's schools welcome! (I like the look of Charterhouse, which is being talked about in another thread, but we'd like to check out at least 5-6 schools before we make our decision - we have some time!) Thanks.

OP posts:
SalVolatile · 01/02/2008 19:51

Nooka - yes, we all think it's great! squiffy both ds have day and boarding friends, but I am certain that the day pupils have access to wild parties and other 'distractions' that the boarders can't access so easily . Close friend of mine put son in as day boy and after year wanted him to board but he no longer wants to as he knows his movements will be more closely watched - so they are now moving into Canterbury to keep tabs on him . Socially IMO it is better for them to board as they get the most out of the school - and I've just asked eldest ds and he's texted boarding - no contest!

EllbellTheBluestocking · 01/02/2008 20:06

WiiMii... It's in a gorgeous location, and the boys my dh tutored (they used to come to our house) were sweet boys. But, as a teacher, he did despair of them!!

arionater · 02/02/2008 00:32

Might be worth thinking about your view on the A-levels/IB thing too - eg Sevenoaks has a very good IB reputation (they were one of the first schools to do it I think so now very experienced), but increasing numbers are taking them up out of dissatisfaction with A-levels.

I boarded from 15. My long-suffering mother had always said "no child of mine is going to boarding school unless they turn round and ask"! I loved it, but then I had had a really miserable time at school for years before that, and transferred to an extremely academic public school which was perfect for me at the time. I don't think boarding is necessarily problematic, and indeed can be brilliant, but I do think that the danger with it is that if it does go wrong, it has the potential to be peculiarly damaging. If you're bullied or ostracised at a day-school - as I was for years - at least you still have a life and a space outside it. There are two things you should be realistic about: once you go away to school, you have 'left home' in some sense - obviously not as completely as for university or whatever, but it is a shift, not necessarily a bad one, that you can't really undo. And don't be naive about what even quite young teenagers get up to in boarding houses - I had far much more exposure to drugs of all kinds at boarding school than I did at day school or at any point at university, even though I never experimented with them myself.

fillthatnappylittlekiwi · 02/02/2008 01:03

May I say that I think that students who are suited to boarding have a good time because they are allowed to socialise the way adults other than their own parents feel is appropriate and have that little bit more freedom. The person holding the doorkey has seen hundreds if not thousands of kiddies through and knows where the limits are whereas a parent has the one child going through the experience at a time, and may say no you're not going out tonight, whereas the school person would be more likely to say it was ok because of not having the same worry? Does that make sense?
I know we weren't allowed out even when friends of the same age were whereas the boarders were.

chocolatedot · 02/02/2008 10:44

I agree that the IB is a very imporant consideration and another very good reason for choosing Boarding.

Xenia, boarding a second rate education?? Where does that leave Winchester, Westminster, Eton, Wycombe and a myriad of others?. In any event anyone who genuinely has children at these sort of schools understands that it is all about choosing the right school for your child, not perusing league tables. Interestingly, the newish headmaster of Eton has had 3 complaints from parents about the school's position in the League Tables - all that it is too high!!.

It's just a cliche that modern Boarding damages children in a broad sense; of course it doesn't suit everybody and personally I think anything before 11 is too young. There is no evidence however to suggest that it is proportionately more damaging than any other form of education. The enduring popularity of British boarding schools is after all self evident, particularly as a large proportion of parents will have been boarders themselves. Do people seriously believe that it would continue to flourish for any other reason that for the vast majority of children, it's a wonderful experience.

AdamAnt · 02/02/2008 11:12

I agree with Xenia re: boarding. I have a wonderful, loving family who made a lot of sacrifices to give me what they thought was the best education.

I hated it, but my lovely parents had no idea. I insisted that I was fine and having a great time. I don't know why I did this.

There is a relentlessness about boarding school. There's nowhere to hide if you're having a bad time. It only got a bit better for me when I earned some kudos by getting into trouble

I would also say that many of my school mates who were apparently happy have admitted that they too hated it. And the ones who still talk fondly of their school days are utter meat-heads.

Judy1234 · 02/02/2008 11:20

I gave school placements above. Eton is 10th and schools like St Paul's North London Collegiate are above it. Westminster is 6. Most of the schools in the top 20 are day private. None are state. from my quick look it looks like 3 or 4 only are boarding. There are also many many substandard boarding schools where virtually anyone can get in and there is no competition for places. Some of those suit not so clever children of course but in general the better schools for exams (and your mental health!) are day privates.

As AA says children insist they are fine,often. How can you say not if your parent is paying and saying all the time how lucky you are? Who wants to admit they cannot cope so even people on this thread who say their children love it may be deluded. Why take the risk and at the same time not have your children around each day.

I bet adrenalin levels are higher. There is no respite. I accept some peopel think they make friends for life but it's like friends you make in extreme circumstances, under fire in a war zone, friends who shared the rejection you suffered by your parents etc. Why pay to damage your child?

Boarding is not continuing to flourish. Day pupils are being taken on. Girls admitted to boys schools. Places unfilled at many schools and although parents paying at day schools has increased it is at the expense of boarding as parents know how damaging it can be.

duchesse · 02/02/2008 21:19

Charterhouse is good and accessible to London (quick zip down the M3).

duchesse · 02/02/2008 21:19

A! A3. Not M3

duchesse · 02/02/2008 21:25

Hampton School is a pretty decent former grammar, if you decided not to board him. Not a bad place to live either. My husband went there and doesn't seem too damaged.

duchesse · 02/02/2008 21:26

(Hampton's not coed, but does have close links with the girls' school next door)

loonychick · 02/02/2008 21:29

Consider Sherborne in Dorset. It is all boys but there are close links with the girls school
(Sherborne Girls) in the town. Good train links from London and easy access off the A303.

duchesse · 02/02/2008 21:35

I don't know what Anglo-European College in Hockerill is like, but it is a state boarding school that offers the IB. You only pay the boarding fees (the teaching is sate funded).

I do also happen to know that Kings International College for Business and the Arts in Camberley does the IB as well (state kinda comprehensive but no boarding).

Camberley is not too bad a place to live.
I am planning to send ours to our local 6th form college to do the IB, free and gratis.

workstostaysane · 02/02/2008 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Quattrocento · 02/02/2008 21:42

IME they do an awful lot of drugs at every boarding school

duchesse · 02/02/2008 21:51

I used to live in the village where Wellington College is -the pupils met up with the local kids in the park across the road from the school, to swap...er substances. Also Sherborne has a bit of a reputation.

workstostaysane · 02/02/2008 21:57

no drugs of any kind at mine, but we were a quiet girls only place. its those rough smelly boys i reckon that get the illegals going

puffling · 02/02/2008 22:01

Cranleigh School is in a very pleasant setting.

chocolatedot · 03/02/2008 12:33

Overall boarding numbers have been rising since 2003. Obviously the top performing schools will always be London / big city based simply because of their cathcment areas. In any event, the latest league table suggests that Boarding schools have 5/ 20 of the top places, this demonstrates that they are in fact punching above their weight given the relative numbers of Day versus Boarding places. Without wishing to sound like a broken record, league tables are in any event broadly immaterial for parents looking for the right school for their child.

Anyway, no point debating with someone who suggests someone is deluded even if they say they loved boarding. Talk about a closed mind.

Blu · 03/02/2008 12:40

"a large proportion of parents will have been boarders themselves"

Indeed. And there are a number of conclusions that could be drawn from this.....

Judy1234 · 03/02/2008 13:41

Some children and teenagers will say they are okay at school when they aren't, that's my only point and who wants to admit they were psychologically damaged and may be people don't even realise that they are?

But obviously many people are fine with boarding. I never said 100% were hurt by it but why risk your child being within that damaged percentage? Just seems a massive risk to run.

duchesse · 03/02/2008 14:07

Actually, for my brother, boarding was far better than being at home- neither was ideal but at least he had relative peace and quiet at school and no barking parents around. It must depend on a family's circumstances and the individual child. I knew people at university who had boarded from 6 or 7, even 11 and to describe them as institutionalised doesn't quite do credit to the word. Others boarded from 13, 15 or 16 and seemed absolutely unscathed. Again, courses for horses.

Blu · 03/02/2008 14:11

I was desparate to go to boarding school - and did my best to get a scholarship to Millfield on the back of my athletics performance!

But my Mum was having none of it (not that it would have been even close as an option, financially!)

Now I am a parent, I know why.

Cam · 03/02/2008 15:34

My dd boards 2 nights per week at the moment (aged 11) She started 1 night per week two terms ago on her own request because friends did it who were in the swim team (as is she) and they attend evening training.

Swim training is now 2 nights per week and she boards both those nights. She genuinely loves it.

This is a prep school a few miles from home.

I believe she likes the independence from home and the camaraderie of being with her peers (she has no siblings at home)

chocolatedot · 03/02/2008 15:34

Out of interest, what do people think of working parents who choose to use after school clubs on a daily basis and nurseries for holiday care. This can mean that a 5 year old is in "institutional care" between 8am and 6pm 5 days a week in term time and out of term time for all but about 4 weeks of the year. Boarding School kids get an average of 14 weeks a year holiday home with their parents in addition to weekends.

Not trying to be controversial, just genuinely interested as I know a few 5 / 6 year olds in this position (Nursery stops taking them at 9). It also removes the element of class from the debate on boarding schools which always clouds things.