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Original poster

Independent School - suggestions?

157 replies

Louise2004 · 31/01/2008 10:32

We've started thinking about choosing a school for our son, who is now 8, for when he's aged 11-18. Somewhere not far from London (or with good links to London) would be ideal - Surrey, Sussex, Oxford etc. - and the school should preferably be mixed/co-ed and offer weekly boarding as well as full-time boarding. Any suggestions, as well as comments on your own/your child's schools welcome! (I like the look of Charterhouse, which is being talked about in another thread, but we'd like to check out at least 5-6 schools before we make our decision - we have some time!) Thanks.

OP posts:
CountessDracula · 31/01/2008 15:02

granted

CountessDracula · 31/01/2008 15:04

my best mate at school was a boarder (I boarded a couple of times very short term while my parents were abroad and hated it)

They were allowed one exeat per half term and her parents never bothered to take her home, she used to come to my house. They were too busy sailing

dolly1 · 31/01/2008 15:07

Think it all depends on the child. My dh was a boarder as were many of his friends and you couldn't meet a more well rounded, stable group of guys. Obviously don't know them all very well, but I can tell you my own DH doesn't have any 'issues' as a result of his schooling. He loved it - as did all his friends. Having said that I'm sure there are children it wouldn't suit, but to say it is generall damaging I think is a touch unfair. I think it can do many children and families over all, the world of good. Like anything you have to do what you feel is best for your child and in many cases I'm sure boarding is just that.

CountessDracula · 31/01/2008 15:09

Really - that is interesting

My dh and db both have massive ishoos about it

OLDroot · 31/01/2008 15:10

Made his name in Brighton doing what???

cushioncover · 31/01/2008 15:11

He was the headteacher there who made it co-ed and started offering the (heavily subsidised) places to bright kids from state schools.

bossykate · 31/01/2008 15:13

my dh was the only member of his family not to board - he did one term late in his prep school career and hated it.

bossykate · 31/01/2008 15:13

it is not something i want for either of my children.

champagneSupernova · 31/01/2008 15:14

Would also say that the most unsettled children at my boarding school were the weekly boarders - they never settled and spent the whole time wishing their lives away to the weekend.

dolly1 · 31/01/2008 15:14

That's what I mean - everyone is differnt. I feel so sorry for kids who did come out feeling that their parents neglected them, but there are plenty of others who were weekly boarders and loved every minute of being with their mates and the cameradory (sp?) that comes with boarding school.
It's not always a bad thing. And it gives parents breathing space too. I think the whole family appreciates the time they have togther more, argues less and has fewer issues than those who have teenagers at day school. That's from what I've seen anyway.

cushioncover · 31/01/2008 15:21

As you say, you have to choose what's right for you.
Personally, I don't want 'breathing space' from my children. Being away from them during the day is enough for me and them. I like to think that home is a refuge from the outside, whether that be school or work. We can come home, relax, de-stress, eat together (very important IMO) and discuss anything we need/want to.

I'm not judging, it's just not for me.

Judy1234 · 31/01/2008 15:22

My view are coloured by my father, a psychiatrist. Loads of patients damaged for life. There's a boarding school survivors association even and people talk about getting through it, coping and build up a kind of hard outer shell because the people who loved you rejected you and thus it is hard to form close emotional attachments in the future. Obviously that's more likely with early boarding. Better to change jobs and move to England than live abroad and send your children to board here.

As for Wellington, not on this Times 100 which weirdly the Times did not put on line in November. Wellington has has some good PR recently, happiness lessons etc

dolly1 · 31/01/2008 15:31

Cushioncover if you don't mind me asking - what age are your children? Just that, from experience, life with an eight year old can be a lot more pleasant than with a 15 year-old! I think when they are little kids need to be at home with their parents, hence the reason we are only considering it from 12/13 onwards. But to be honest I think a lot of the issues children who feel neglected have come from their families - i.e. not the fault of boarding school.
If you have a great, loving family to come home to every weekend and have fab hols with then I don't think there will be issues/probs.

Lilymaid · 31/01/2008 15:34

Weekly boarding doesn't always give you complete weekends with your DCs as most boarding schools will have lessons until lunch time Saturday, then pupils may stay on for sports or other activities - so parents can't pick up until Saturday tea time. Then there may be compulsory chapel on occasional Sundays at some schools or DofE activities and the pupil has to be back anyway for Sunday evening or a very early morning start on Monday.

Original poster
Louise2004 · 31/01/2008 15:58

Thanks for all your suggestions. I'll check the school links and the school guides mentioned. You've all been a great help!

That's a good point about Saturday lessons and sports and Sunday chapel, Lilymaid (I thought about the Saturday stuff, but forgot about the possibility of compulsory chapel on Sundays - oops...!). Thanks!

OP posts:
Gameboy · 31/01/2008 16:19

Hmm - I tend to agree with what the others have said about boarding to be honest.

I had a boyfriend who was a boarder at a 'top 100' and (IMHO) he had serious issues with forming relationships, and also had a rather strange relationship with his parents.

We have some friends who recently moved their son OUT of Charterhouse because he disliked the boarding aspect (I don't know the full story) but I think he was a weekly boarder, so there may have been that sense of 'neither one thing or another'?
He's now at an independent grammar, and my friend says he is a 'changed child'.

I went to Uni with a lot of boys who were ex-Eton/ Winchester/ Stowe /Repton etc and they always seemed quite guarded about what they said about school life - never damning it completely, but nor enthusing. They are all amongst my 'weirdest' friends....
DH went to an independent grammar (day) school, and even he hated all the Saturday stuff.

Anyway, each to their own, and my kids are still youngish, so who knows - we threathen them with boarding school when they're naughty!

Judy1234 · 31/01/2008 17:04

There is not really the emotional closeness with most weekly boarding or time to cry or cuddle your mother or confide in your parents because you have to keep up a front when they visit you for the rather remote visit whilst you play sport on saturday afternoon etc.

cushioncover · 31/01/2008 17:14

Yes, we do that too, Gameboy!

Dolly, mine are still young so I cannot compare though I'm 100% sure that my sentiments will not change.
Even when all 3 of us were teenagers and used the house like a hotel, the one rule was being home for dinner. We talked about our day, parents about theirs. I loved it and want that for my family. Of course there were days were one or other of us couldn't make it but as a general rule, we tried to.

Personally, I think weekly boarding is the least attractive option. Children willfit into neither campand may feel excluded. Also the Saturday morning activities and chapel on Sunday to consider as others have mentioned.

AsI said, it's just not for me.

Original poster
Louise2004 · 31/01/2008 17:16

An independent grammar is an option, as we've heard good things about them - but we still would need boarding. Are they only day schools, or do some offer a boarding option? Thanks.

OP posts:
evenhope · 31/01/2008 17:34

My DD went to Kent College, Canterbury but it's had 2 changes of Head since she was there. Their rivals St Edmunds across the road have a good reputation.

Judy1234 · 31/01/2008 18:02

Independent grammar is really just any independent school. I don't think it is a particular kind. They are probably more likely to be day. Thinking of say Manchester Grammar which is all day boys.

There are also UK state boarding schools by the way which is much much cheaper. You just pay the boarding food element and not the tuition fees.

Rosbo · 31/01/2008 18:09

Cobham in Surrey is very good.
And Christ Hospital in Sussex is pretty oustanding.

I'm from Somerset..The Good boarding schools around here include Millfield [excellent for sport and wells cathedral school [excellent in music]

CowsGoMoo · 31/01/2008 18:34

Cranbrook Grammar School in Cranbrook, Kent is a 13+ grammar school (grant maintained) that offers boarding. Education is free and you just pay for boarding. Has excellent results and a place is much wanted around these parts.

One of the schools we will look at for my ds when he gets into year 7 at his prep school.

Although he would not board.

look here www.cranbrookschool.co.uk

nooka · 31/01/2008 19:33

My nephew is a weekly boarder and it works very well for him, but the school he goes to only offers daily or weekly boarding (ie no weekends). He appears to have a very good relationship with his parents (he is 15 though!). I chose to board at sixth form precisely to have breathing space from my parents!

SugarSkyHigh · 31/01/2008 19:38

Stowe?
my godson going there.
it's in Bucks - not TOO far from London