What shall I do about my kids school in this situation?

[TeaOnTheMountain]

I’m currently going through a divorce, my ex has refused to declare any of his business assets so it’s been 18 months and we are no further forward. We have our first court hearing in July.
Before we separated, my kids were beneficiaries of a trust that paid most of their school fees which he has removed them from “for tax reasons”. His dad used to top them up and pay for extras but this has now stopped. He says we can only afford to pay the school fees if it comes out of my equity in the house which would then leave me unable to afford to buy somewhere / only able to buy somewhere very small.
He's given notice to the school for one child (the eldest) who is currently in y8. We have two younger children in y3 and 5.

Heres the issue: I don’t know ultimately what the court will decide in July or how things will work out but not buying a house isn’t really an option for me. I currently pay 25% of the fees and there won’t be any possibility I can pay more in the near future. He is a high earner.

There is a grammar school ~45 mins away and my eldest is 1st on the wait list for a place. There are 2x outstanding primary schools nearby both with places for my sons.

do I:

• Try to move them for September (depending on grammar places) and move closer to there when I can, long commute for now


• Move my y5 child at the end of y6 to the grammar, leave the y8 and y3 children in the prep for 3 years which would be “natural transition” points (end of y6 and y11). Would probably mean a move half way and a small commute for both. Would reduce house equity.


• wait and see what the court says and decide then


• Some other combination / option I haven’t thought of?

I’d really appreciate any guidance- there aren’t a lot of people in my life I can turn to!

You have made the right choice. Your DD can now go into year 9 and starting/looking at GCSEs knowing that it is where she is going to stay. Her education is not going to be affected by this at all - and she got into the grammar so it sounds like the right choice

you have protected her she can be free because I imagine he could very well hold it over her as well

And presumably now you have the equity to buy somewhere.

I went to private school as did DH DD is at grammar DS local primary to comp

I think you’re doing exactly the right thing. If this is stressful now, imagine going through this in a year’s time. Friend of mine only discovered her ex had stopped paying fees when school kicked out her children! One was just about to take her GCSEs. They allowed her back to take them but her younger child had quite a few weeks out of education while she waited for a place in a local school. As others have said, the less opportunity he has to manipulate the better and while it’s tough for the children in the short term, a stressed, anxious mum who’s constantly worried about fees, keeping a roof over their heads etc is far worse in the longer term.