Tonbridge School or Winchester College

[Marshmallowtreat]

My DS has been offered a place at Winchester College and Tonbridge School for year 9.
We are finding difficult to make a decision at the moment.

Can any current or recent parents offer advice?
He is currently at a London day school so he will be new to boarding.

@Marshmallowtreat I also have a son at Winchester and I can't say that I have noticed any change since the announcement was made to admit girls and day pupils

The parents who were used to having influence and therefore have boys deemed important at the school will possibly have seen this changed a little. It must be difficult for them.

My son has received exactly the same amount of attention as he always did , very little. Not all the boys who are celebrated at the school at geniuses, far from it. It's more to do with how influential their parents are. Sometimes it's parents with connections to the school but there are numerous reasons of course.

It must be difficult for Winchester to keep these parents happy at the moment with all the upcoming changes. I'm sure as always they are doing their best in that respect. That would be a change too far.

Always nice to see brand new posters on Mumsnet....

Yes, I have just joined today. Thank you for the welcome.

Thank you all for the advice. We have decided to go with one of our other options. Winchester will the right choice for some parents/ boys but not for us

Hopefully we have made the right choice and our son will be happy there.

If you want any more feedback on Tonbridge am happy to help

Thank you @StealthToddler. That would be very helpful.

@Marshmallowtreat
From what I've known Tonbridge boys are friendly and nice, no need to be alpha male to be happy there.

For Eton, it is really depend on which house you are getting. Some houses has single room with no window so it is pretty much the same as box room. Many of my son's friends turned down Eton to go to other schools because they did not get a good house. It is a big school and some of my son's friends felt lost over there while some of them have a brilliant timer.

Winchester is going through lots of changes which can be good but many parents do not like change especially a radical change. I feel that the school is still focusing on intellectual inquiry but they are trying to be more international so the school is not as conservative as before ( DIV classes are now having topic such as African History and Meiji Restoration). I also not 100% agreed with the school ( we do not like the fact that it is turning co-ed but our son wants the school to be co-ed) but only time will tell. I hope we will get innovative Headmaster who is willing to modernise this place without losing too much of its tradition.

My son is having a great time with lot of attention and he is not a genius. I am also not one of those influential parent. However one fact is true; it is not great to be in a bottom sets at Winchester, it is the same as being in the worst sport team in a sporty schools. Being a middle sets here are fine. Many boys who always came top academically at their prep schools could not accept the fact that they are many brighter boys here, some boys lost their confident because of this. However it is good for some boys to push themselves for the first time.

Good luck with your decision. Tonbridge and Eton are both great.

I obviously dont know every room at Eton,but none of the houses I am familiar with have box rooms with no windows,nor have i ever heard this before,no idea what the rooms are like in College.

Likewise i have never heard of a single boy turning down Eton because they "did not get a good house" putting aside how you define a good house..,you are invited to look at a range of houses,i think its now three it was four when we last looked,certainly we were told if we didnt like any of those we could ask to look at others,so the thought of a single boy not being able to find a house they like is very very odd,your son however knows "many" that have turned down Eton because of this,very odd indeed..

I’ve never seen any window-less rooms there! And I wouldn’t have thought they’d play well with the various school inspections.

I do know that some boys and parents felt more fortunate in their housemaster than others - this was definitely a source of conversation amongst parents.

Not sure I know of any boys who turned down a place there - but it’s not at all unknown for boys / families to realise it’s just not for them after a couple of terms or so.

DS3,just messaged about something ,so asked him if hed heard of these windowless rooms..He hadnt, but thought cells for F block were not a bad idea...

We have already chosen a house / housemaster at each of the schools. We just have to make a final decision. I thought Eton might be too big but I've had second thoughts. By all accounts the pastoral care is excellent and the houses themselves are not large so I think he'll be fine. Eton seems more egalitarian than our previous choice and it's very important to me that my son is valued at the school where he will spend such important years.
I don't think that there will be changes at Eton ( you can never be sure of course). Everyone will be full boarding so all the boys will be in the same boat.
Thank you all for your advice , I really appreciate it.

Regarding the room. This what I’ve heard from some of the mums years ago. There are 25 houses there so it is difficult to get to know every houses in detail. It may also have changed by now.

Turning down Eton or Winchester is not that odd. It is not an offer you can not refuse. Many boys ( and parents) in our son years changed their mind and turned down Eton and Winchester to go to Westminster, Harrow and Sherborne instead ( that is quite rare in Sherborne case, two of them turned down both Winchester and Eton as well as Harrow to go to Sherborne). Many other years some chose to go to Co-Ed school such as Marlborough and Wellington College instead. My ex flat mate at Uni turned down Eton for Stowe ( he’s got a scholarship there and his father was Old Stoics) and he came out fine.

I never felt that boys at Winchester not getting treated equally. At my son’s house everybody is happy and everything seems fair but I can not speak for other house. I think at any school, the house that you are getting and your year group is very important.

Right,so you were told the thing about windowless cells box rooms years ago,you have no personal knowledge or evidence but thought it was worth repeating years later, hey ho..

You said that many boys your son knew turned down Eton because they couldnt get into a good house,but the only one you give details of is a friend of yours from uni who got a scholarship to Stowe,-the cream of public schools(personally I wouldnt be telling everyone about being an Academic Scholar at Stowe but each to their own..)that is a perfectly reasonable and normal reason to turn down a place at any school..free money..but you provide no evidence of anybody going to Sherborne(for example) because they didnt like any Eton House,far more likely to be change of circumstances,scholarship,sister at the girls school etc..

You originally stated many boys in your sons year turned down Eton and now it would seem that Winchester was also turned down by many..what a remarkable prep school he attended,I thought i knew all the big feeders but clearly not..

^^ I think Stowe has dropped down the rankings over the years. My DB was there way back (with a scholarship) and ended up getting a 1st and then PhD from Cambridge.

I think it is not appropriate to make fun of Stowe. A lot of people make fun of them just because they are not very academic and they are posh. My friend is now very successful in his his field and voted to be one of the best in the world in his chosen career. Going to Stowe does not mean you will not become successful.

My son went to one of the usual suspects all boy prep. His year was quite remarkable. I do not think 5 boys turning down Eton and Winchester are that surprising. Each person should be respected as an individual, we are not a clone who act and think the same. Few have turned down because they only allow to view 3 or 4 houses and they do not like any of them so one of them chose to go to Harrow which they got the house that they really want and another one chose to become a day student at Westminster. For Sherborne case, it was surprised to all parents but it was really the boys choice.

Nolanscrack i like your sense of humor but sometime it went too far.

Its always appropriate to make fun of Stowe,always has been ,always will be..relax..

@nolanscrack I really hope I don’t know you or have met you in real life, you really are a most unpleasant person and the epitome of the most awful boarding school parent I have ever had the mis-fortune to come across. Apart from the other schools you have slated across numerous threads you now decide to start on Stowe!
FYI my DS is in his last year at Stowe and has had the most amazing time. His academics have improved no end, the attention to detail on his academics has literally been ‘no stone unturned’ by his tutor and the pastoral care has been outstanding.
There is a girl in his year who sat GCSE Maths before she was 15 and achieved a grade 9 she took A level Maths the following year, with only the support of Stowe teachers, and passed with an A she is now sitting Advanced Further Maths and Russian, she is an EFL student and has already gained A in A level English having arrived at Stowe with very little education.
My DS is predicted an A* AA which we are delighted with. He has developed an incredible maturity and empathy for all his peers and they really care about each other. They are not allowed to be arrogant and discipline for vaping let alone anything else is severe!
Stowe is a fabulous school and is nothing like the press or parents who do not know it like to claim, I know because I was one of them!
My only regret is that all my children didn’t start at Stowe, if I had our time again I would not hesitate to choose it and I certainly can highly recommend it.
As another parent said to you on another thread, please be kind!
If you don’t have anything nice to say then please scroll on by.
The only damage you are doing is not to other schools, we can all see through you, but to the reputation of Eton parents!

I dont think this is really the place for you if those comments have upset you so much,surely you arent claiming Stowe is Academic,what is it 55% on common entrance or 50% on its own entrance exam,it does Btecs for heavens sake..name me a private academic school that does those..its results are fine for its intake but its not a school that an academic child would choose..
As for be kind,well the last person to say that to me had a post removed almost straight after for personal abuse,so ill take that with a pinch of salt..
If my joke upset you this much then in no circumstances look at the thread Stowe-Any Parents,you really wont be able to cope with the comments of staff,ex staff and ex parents..finally I am aware of a boy who recently left Stowe after the most horrendous bullying ,so perhaps your be kind should be directed in the direction of the school.

@Nolanscrack
I think you could be nicer. Your comments also have been removed afew time. I understand that sometimes you just want to be helpful like everyone else but you can not stop being too proud being an Etonian mum which is also ok but when you said something that upset other you should atleast think of their feeling. I am not sure if you have ever regret hurting other.

There you go again,talking nonsense,Ive had one comment removed,that was after I responded to the personal abuse you directed at me.straight after youd done the be kind schtick...I have said Winchester is a great choice for the right child,its nothing to do with Eton,all that Ive done with you is point out when you are talking nonsense,which sadly is quite often be that the sporting results of Winchester,Etonians living in box rooms,many boys turning down Eton because they couldnt get a good house etc etc..

I am taking about you upsetting other not me by attacking other schools. We all have heard from other parents. Like you said about 20 people are leaving Winchester this year, how do you know it is 20 people? You must have heard from other too.

Last time you made some prejudice comments against foreigner ( directed at me) so there was a problem but we have no problem now. Let’s be friend.

Here we go again, i have no idea how many people are leaving Winchester,Ive never said how many are leaving Winchester,also I made no" prejudice comments against foreigners,"that is deeply insulting and last time you made that claim without any evidence mumsnet removed your post..we dont want that happening again do we..

Well your comment and mine comments were the caused of that. You were reporting those. Stop blaming or threaten other please. Be kind.

@nolanscrack

There was one of your post on page 3 saying

‘ There were too many changes before this,Im aware of several prospective 23 pupils that are looking elsewhere and others that are at the school but are looking for alternatives after GCSEs’ you definitely posted this. You forgot what you wrote I supposed.