Tonbridge School or Winchester College

[Marshmallowtreat]

My DS has been offered a place at Winchester College and Tonbridge School for year 9.
We are finding difficult to make a decision at the moment.

Can any current or recent parents offer advice?
He is currently at a London day school so he will be new to boarding.

Yes, I think that is right. Perhaps parents who know.the headmaster or governors personally knew. I don't think most of the parents knew.
It was in the newspaper on the same day as I received an email. I think current parents received the same email me.

@Marshmallowtreat

Your son was very smart to gain a place in college, that must have been a wonderful experience. I don't think parents knew about the change to coed before it was announced , but I might be wrong . I would not like my son to be moving into 6th this year when it's all new. They didn't know this would happen when they joined the school.

Thanks Marshmallowtreat:

Son was very enthusiastic about Latin and Greek as a little boy in a local prep..he had a great Classics teacher who encouraged him hugely....and it was him who suggested he sat Election (and it was a wow 50% discount back in the day).

He wasn't particularly strong in Maths and the Sciences but - and this is part of the 'good' of Winchester, he was simply inspired to work at it. It was potentially the best day ever, hearing he was 'on the roll' in fact 8th of 16 places! I recall he did all of his GCSE's a year after starting there and then it was all prep from thereon in to choose AS and A levels ( usually 4+) Oxford followed and a good degree...Son still cites Winchester as the best place in the world and the friends made then are still friends now.

Its a special place for sure, and I can only recall one boy of the year roll in College who really did not flourish and enjoy it...they certainly seemed a very diverse but happy crowd. I hope very much that it still just that for all future pupils.

My goodness that's incredible , you must so proud.
I'm not surprised that it was such a day to remember. The 50% discount is wow but of course your son was such as assett to the school.

This is a very inspiring to read. My son will probably be average for Winchester but such boys may inspire him.

Asset

My eldest son is at Tonbridge and I have more sons joining. I also have nephews who only recently left Winchester.

All the boys were/are very happy at their respective schools. They are very different schools.

From my own Tonbridge experience I think the view that it is very alpha male and very sporty is outdated. I have a not very sporty son who hated rugby at his prep who loves rugby Tonbridge as he has been able to find his level, and after the first term of novi they don't have to play rugby again if they don't want. I on the flip side have a super sporty son who is looking forward to being there too. I have found it a very supportive, caring school.

I would put great emphasis on ease of getting to the school. Realistically you are not going to collect your son for just a Sunday afternoon if you have 2 hours each way.

At tonbridge the majority come home after their sat matches, but bear in mind they may be returning from an away match so you may or may not collect from tonbridge depending on your preference.

Thank you this is very helpful. I did find Tonbridge a very warm place . I felt very comfortable there as did my husband. They really liked my son, he is not a good rugby player but will join in. I saw lots of different types of boys there, so yes I think it may be an outdated image. The results are also very high so I think they have lots of very studious boys. They want the boys to be happy and the boys we spoke to said that bullying is not accepted, no matter what a boys background is.

Pre-covid I got the impression that a lot of boys were "out" on Sundays at Winchester. In particular I heard of London boys catching a train home straight after morning chapel, then dropped back in the evening.

My impression regarding girls coming into 6th form, is that they will only offer day places until a new girls' boarding house can be built (? plan for 2-3 years time IIRC). In the mean time, they do need house spaces for a base during the day. I don't know much else about plans for next year though.

I understand that they have often had one or two girls in 6th form in past years, as daughters of staff had this option. That was the case when DS was in first year I think. So it's not completely novel.

Congratulations, Winchester and Tonbridge are both great but they are very different type of school. My DS faced the same difficult choice as your son and finally chose Winchester. He is currently having a great time.

At that time we liked Tonbridge because It is good in both sport and academic. The size was also smaller than some big school like Eton and many boys we know are nice and humble. Those boys also told us that the school nurture the kids well. The school is innovative and has collaboration with NASA. However it suits more for extroverted boys.

My DS is very sporty and I thought he would choose Tonbridge so it came to my surprise that he chose Winchester. My son is an introvert and it seems he fits in well at Winchester. For once he is doing his homework properly and getting better in academics, moving up sets ( he was an average to begin with but he wants to keep up with his friends). He made many good friends and seem to become more extrovert boys among introverts. The only down point is for team sport he has to carry the team weeks by weeks in matches but that also help him to develop leadership skill. His housemaster and house tutors are also brilliant.

Winchester is becoming co-ed but they will not be any girls boarding until they finish a girl boarding house (which has not yet started a construction). It is more like they have to belong to some houses so they could develop a stronger sense of belonging during house competitions and other activities, they just need somewhere as a base.

During weekend after services on Sunday boys can go home or meet up with their parents but most boys are staying at school or just go to town.

Thank you for replying. I'm pleased that your DS is enjoying Winchester. May I ask what year he is in ?
Does Winchester set all the boys for the start in all of the subjects ?. I thought it was just maths and Latin.

My son is confident and not really an introvert. He enjoys some spots but not the A team by any means. He likes the idea of debating at senior school, at his current school they do it in an informal well. He hopes to join that society and learn from the older boys.

Sports not spots😀

I have sent you a message @Beyondthesea123
I hope that is ok ?

@Marshmallowtreat

That’s fine. I am asking my son about it now. I will get back to you in the message may be tomorrow.

Thank you very much @Beyondthesea123.

I’m one of the parents that pulled out of Winchester places because of the co-ed decision. This was less about the fact of being co-ed eventually than the disruption and psychodrama that would affect the next few crucial years of schooling. FWIW, if your HM is recommending two schools it’s worth considering why, particularly if your DS has multiple offers. For prep schools, securing places at Winchester and Eton are very good for business because ambitious parents look to onward destinations when choosing their prep. Tonbridge is a great school but doesn’t have equal cachet with W & E. So recommending Tonbridge is disinterested on the part of your prep HM, and perhaps worth attaching extra weight to. There’s also much to be said for moving to senior school with a ready-made friendship group. It’s a tough transition to make and that’s one way to create a softer landing. Good luck with your decision, OP.

We also have a place at Eton which my Headmaster thought would be a good fit for my son. We prefer the size of Winchester but maybe we do need to rethink Do you think the disruption will be that great?. I am a little puzzled to be honest as to why Winchester have decided to do this. It has such a lovely atmosphere I thought.
It must be difficult for the boys and parents in year 11 because they didn't expect this change. At least we know before we join.Where did you decide on for your son ?

Yh Winchester is going in the direction of Westminster and King's Wimbledon. They'll still remain firmly all boys but with a coed
Sixth-form. A number of grammar schools have gone in that direction too and I expect a few more all boys school to take that route. Oddly enough it does not look like the All girls schools are following suit so I'm guessing the pressure is all on the All Boys school.

@Marshmallowtreat I do think bringing girls into the sixth form will create disruption, as will the introduction of day pupils. The leadership will be focused on the change, parents and boys who chose one type of school are being presented with something different. This is bound to cause resentment against the incomers. A higher number of boys will be off-rolled before sixth form because a proportion of places will now go to girls or day pupils from other schools. Plus the manner of reaching and announcing the change dented our trust in them. It’s a solution to a problem that didn’t exist. In 10 years time none of this will be an issue but you can’t put DC into suspended development while change works its way through.
We were originally advised by our HM to pursue E and W. Our very academic DS had a strong preference not to go to Eton because of its size and setting, so we thought we were going firm with W. Eventually we decided to send DS to a school in a country town with a broader selection of boys and close ties to a local girls’ school. I’m very happy we did this and know for a fact we were not alone: there must have been a lot of movement on the W waiting list last summer.. My only regret is that most of the prep school friends went to E and W and DS had to start again nearly from scratch, hence my suggestion about your very clever DS moving on to Tonbridge with his friends.

That's a good point.@Vaughan32. Do you think that boys will be asked to leave after the GCSES?
I thought Winchester were just expanding the 6th.form , but you may be right. I agree the manner of the announcement was not ideal.
You had to make a very last minute decision , I think it should have been announced years in advance . The current year 11 are in the most difficult position , possibly some have decided to make a change for 6th form. I also think that year group have suffered the worse disruption due to covid.
Having friends to go on with is also a consideration.It would be a shame if Winchester changed too much , it's such a lovely school.
May I ask are the boys that you know enjoying their time there so far ? Of course it's bound to feel different next year.

I am pleased that you are happy with the decision in the end .Your son sounds like a lovely boy and I"m sure they were delighted to have him. It's such a big decision and as parents we just want to get it right, it would be awful to be part way though the school at regretting your choice. That's what I worry about.

@Marshmallowtreat I’m sure they are. The boys from DS’ school who went there are all overseas pupils so we don’t get much visibility now…

Oh I see thank you @Vaughan32.

Winchester is unlikely to off roll more boys before sixth form but they are planning to increase the size of the school with girl boarding house (s) instead. It will be a larger school ( but not massively) especially in the sixth form.

The number of girls will gradually grow when they have their own boarding house which will take another 4-6years . They are starting with small number of girls next year.

Next year I mean this coming September ( academic year)

Thank you @Beyondthesea123. I think the girls came for the induction day last week. They will be from the Winchester area to begin as they are day girls . The boarding house will probably have more international girls when it comes. I know a few boys join at 6th form in the boarding houses but I think the house stays the same for the most part.