Tonbridge School or Winchester College

[Marshmallowtreat]

My DS has been offered a place at Winchester College and Tonbridge School for year 9.
We are finding difficult to make a decision at the moment.

Can any current or recent parents offer advice?
He is currently at a London day school so he will be new to boarding.

Oh, I see another change at Winchester with the departure of Dr Hands. I quite like him.

Yes, that is a shame. I didn't expect that he would there for the whole of my son"s time at Winchester .I was hoping he would be there for ma few years at least. Now we would be starting with a new headmaster along with all the other changes.
Is your son at Winchester already @Sw1Mummy or is he die to start? We have a place for 2023.

His work is done,the usp has been wiped out..

@nolanscrack the usp ?. I'm sorry but what is that?

Unique selling point-Boys boarding school that puts the academic life before everything else..

Thank you, I understand. I wonder if this will be now be too many changes for the boys due to join in 2023. My son still has a place at 2 other schools but many boys won't have kept places. A headmaster can retire at anytime of course but along with all the other changes this seems a lot in the space of a year.

There were too many changes before this,Im aware of several prospective 23 pupils that are looking elsewhere and others that are at the school but are looking for alternatives after GCSEs..

That's a very high number.. Also lot's of boys leaving after GCSES will be very unsettling.
Thank you for letting me know this.

Not 23 pupils,pupils that would be entering in 23..

Oh sorry I misread. I don't like the idea of boys leaving after GCSES though, it's very unsettling.
I don't think this happens very often at Winchester and that would be another change.

Those parents went out of their way to send their boys to an all boys pure academic boarding school,the school without consulting them decided to let in day boys and girls..why would they stay..if they wanted that then there are plenty of other schools which are fully co-ed ,not just a few token girls and a few token day boys ..Winchester is in danger of becoming neither one thing or the other...

nolanscrack

It is a bit of shame with regards to the USP of the school. I expect the other Big Name Boarding schools to follow suit in the not too distant future. I think they are trying to level up the systematic advantages Boys have enjoyed over centuries.

We chose Eton over Tonbridge in 2020 and are very happy with our choice.

Tonbridge is great for sporty alpha males. Winchester is great for studious types. DS is neither, but loves rowing! He is very happy socially at Eton too. It has a v positive vibe.

Will the other big names boys only follow suit?

Why would they? my understanding is that Win was having trouble attracting enough UK boys of the required standard,look at the percentage of foreign boys compared to Eton,Eton is in a position to decide how many international students to let in...was Winchester?

Eton certainly doesnt need to go coed/day pupils route,could the same be said for Win..?

We actually went to look at Win for ds3,Id been to matches etc before but never really had a look at the school and I was shocked how bad the facilities were,the boarding houses we looked at were like something from the 50s,boys that have parents paying the fees asked deserve much more than totally impersonal dorms and a personal space in the first year(could be longer ,but not sure) which consisted of a desk in a cubicle with a curtain...sorry but all the div in the world doesnt make up for totally outdated facilities...

Im very sorry to see these changes,for the right child Win was a fantastic choice,that option is now no longer available,less choice is not a good thing..

@MidLifeCrisis007 how did your son find having his own room when he started ? I was was a bit worried that my son would be lonely .My son is also not not an Alpha male type or super studious.
I am a bit concerned that he won't be pushed at Winchester. It's been described on another thread as more like a university.He might get more attention at Eton though it's a big school.

That's interesting @nolanscrack, if Winchester are failing to attract the boys from the UK who are of the required standard, does that mean that the UK boys are at the bottom of the school and the boys from overseas are at the top ? My son will not be at the top of Winchester so perhaps the focus will be on those who are. I want him to reach his potential and he will need guidance and encouragement to do that. It's a big financial commitment for us and I would expect a good outcome for our DS

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@Marshmallowtreat - he was cool about that despite not being terribly mature when he started and having all the covid restrictions. But that may be because his brother had been to Eton. He had a mate at Winchester sharing a large dorm in his first year - so no privacy at all which would be so tiring!

Eton doesn't feel like a large school to the boys as the houses are quite small with 50-55 boys each. They form very strong bonds with the boys in their house and year group - and the pastoral care is excellent.

Thank you @MidLifeCrisis007, pastoral care is so important especially when they are away from home. That is so good to know.

Another consideration is the fact that Tonbridge's day is structured to accommodate all the day boys too. Eton has orchestra practice and concerts on Sunday evenings! That means boys in the 1st XV or 8th XI can combine their sporting and music interests as they don't clash. That's not so easy when day boys have to be considered.

@MidLifeCrisis007 I think that most boys at Tonbridge go home on Saturday for the weekend.
Eton will be more of a full boarding experience , with Winchester now going coed and admitting day pupils it can't really enforce a full boarding policy. We were told the.boys do a Div essay on Saturday night, that won't work unless the school is full boarding. There are definitely benefits to the full boarding environment such as music, sports etc.

Don’t know Tonbridge at all.

When we were shown around Winchester I loved the school - wonderfully civilised - but thought the boarding houses seemed outdated. Dorms and cramped communal study areas …

E. suited our boy much more at 13. He had boarded before so embraced the ferocious energy of the place. And the theatre of their singular uniform. He was very happy with single rooms all through, and the consequent feeling of individual independence. (With all his friends on the same corridor.) And posters above are right - really strong bonds within year groups in the house. I don’t like the current leadership - but it’s a really lovely life for the right boy.

Worth saying that some Eton houses mix and match,so a corridor may consist of boys from several blocks.
I think the only people that like the current leadership are ..the current leadership,but they seem to have calmed down this academic year

I very rarely look at Mumsnet, let alone comment, but I feel compelled to do so.

We are among the current Winchester families thinking of withdrawing our son at the end of Y11. It is not the school we chose to send our son to. It is now heavily focussing on its sixth form expansion and Winchester branded online holiday courses. It seems not to care at all about the impact of going co-ed and introducing day pupils for existing boys. Not just their opinions on that matter (which has been handled in a cloak and dagger way) but on everything. It sends a message that the boys' opinions are not trusted. They are barcoded packages on a conveyor belt.

I have little time for Tim Hand. He thinks that a ruffled Boris Johnson hair do and a stammer give the impression of a learnéd and gentle academic who cares about the school's heritage. The gap between this and the way he runs the school is vast. Everything he has done has been about making Winchester more like any other boarding school. He is also extremely self-congratulatory.

There are still many good things about the school. For boys who are very bright I think it offers stretch far beyond what most schools can. Set 1 at Winchester is in the stratosphere compared even with set 2. The extracurricular opportunities in music and sport are exceptional. The setting is dreamily beautiful and my son has good friends. But he also has a few friends who are considering leaving. We haven't made up our minds. If the replacement headteacher is as woke an appointment as the replacement Senior Chaplain (who has a special interest in gender studies) then we will not be hanging around.

Thank you @wincolmum, it's good to hear from a mum who has current experience of the school.
My son won't be in the top set for any subject, I expect he would be middle of the school. I get the impression from reading threads on Mumsnet that's not a great place to be at Winchester.
As you said it's not the school you chose to send your son to , I was surprised when we were notified about the changes. Possibly as you were already at the school you had more notice.
I presume that your son is not in year 11 yet, It's very unsettling for them after two years of disruption.

We found out at the same time as the public. We were told there was a survey with just over 50% in favour but we were not asked to participate in any survey. Last week they said the school had 50 day pupils less than 20 years ago. Not true. They only ever had a handful of teachers’ children as day pupils.

I suspect we will start looking seriously and may have to make a decision before we know who the next head will be. We never planned to leave after 3 years but we need a back up. The new chaplain has no background in school chaplaincy, let alone boarding school chaplaincy. When you see a school making appointments because of identity politics, especially such a pastorally important roll, you know something is very wrong.

There isn’t an equivalent school out there. We chose a school with an emphasis on intellectual inquiry, a dress code, not a uniform, and no compulsory sport (though most do a lot of sport). The point is that the boys are trusted to make sensible choices. While the dress code and sport remain the same, the ethos that underpins them is broken.

The academic ability range at Winchester has always been larger than its reputation might suggest so I am sure your son would be fine from that perspective. Most kids are in the middle sets. I wouldn’t want a son in the bottom set at Winchester unless they had a real talent elsewhere. It is one of those places where there is always someone better than you, but as long as the boy can feel proud of his own accomplishments that is not a problem. I don’t want to put you off. There are many good things that remain unchanged. It is just that we personally would not have chosen the school for our son if we were choosing now.

Thank you@wincolmum you have been so helpful.