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Original poster

Tonbridge School or Winchester College

181 replies

Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 11:08

My DS has been offered a place at Winchester College and Tonbridge School for year 9.
We are finding difficult to make a decision at the moment.

Can any current or recent parents offer advice?
He is currently at a London day school so he will be new to boarding.

OP posts:
TeenPlusCat · 10/03/2022 11:42

No knowledge, but suggest you kick off the discussion by listing what you perceive to be the pros and cons of each for your child?

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 12:19

Thank you, I am new to mumsnet.
Both are great schools and I think my DS should do well at either. He will be new to boarding and Tonbridge does offer weekly boarding, this might be a benefit. He enjoys a wide range of activities and both schools offer everything he could want and more.

He can be a little disorganized at times , I hope maturity will help with this..Our current school sends a number of boys to Tonbridge, the boys seem to be happy and doing well . Not as many go to Winchester but our headmaster said they settle in quickly and are doing well.

We also have an offer at Eton but have decided that it's not the right school for him. I prefer the size of Winchester and Tonbridge and they each have a lovely atmosphere.

Ultimately like any parents we want a school were DS will be happy and reach his potential. He is very happy at his current school but we did we did have a less positive experience in the early years at a different school. I want to make sure that we choose the right school , I hoping that those with experience can help. His current headmaster thinks he that he will fit in well at both schools.

OP posts:
TeenPlusCat · 10/03/2022 12:39

If you are thinking of weekly boarding, how long would it take you to get to Tonbridge? Ditto for visiting Winchester?

Winchester itself is very nice, do the boys get to go out into town much?

I don't know Tonbridge, does that have things like McDonalds for the boys to go to at weekends etc?

If sporty/musical, would you be wanting to visit for matches/concerts?

Is there a price differential? Does that matter?

Does your DS have a view?

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 13:06

We are in west London so similar distance to both.
The boys can come home on Sunday afternoon at Winchester but overnight on Saturday from Tonbridge. Apparently lots of boys stay in school on Sunday at Winchester. They can go to town or do activities at the school.

He is not musical but hopefully will get to play in matches .As the distance is almost the same we would attend when we can, work permitting.
The fees at both schools are similar.

My DS likes both schools and can't make up his mind.

OP posts:
nolanscrack · 10/03/2022 13:14

I presume that its not a coincidence that when you were looking all three schools youve named were boys schools,that of course in the case of Winchester has now changed,.
I personally think the type of boy that would thrive at Tonbridge is rather different than one that would thrive at Win,the boys I know at Tonbridge and indeed the men I know that have been are far more Alpha male type than the boys/products of Win I know.I have never really thought of them as either or schools and dont know anyone else that has..

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 13:28

Thank you for replying. Both schools were recommended by our headmaster. He said it's not unusual to an offer to both. What did you mean products of Winchester ? The boys there were very engaging when we visited. We are not from the UK so do don't have experience with such schools.
Winchester is going to have girls in the 6th form , it may be a good thing for our son. I definitely prefer boys only in pre GCSE years.

OP posts:
nolanscrack · 10/03/2022 13:34

Products-Old Boys..

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 13:35

Are the boys that you know at Tonbridge and Winchester happy and fulfilling there potential ?
My son also has a place at Eton but I think it's a very big school and I worry that he might let lost in the crowd.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 13:35

Thank you I understand.

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Flyingbymypants · 10/03/2022 13:37

Winchester is a much nicer town than Tonbridge.

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 13:40

Yes , it is beautiful and the college is breathtaking.

OP posts:
nolanscrack · 10/03/2022 13:50

Truthfully the ones I know at Tonbridge are happier than the ones i know at Winchester,the changes are very unsettling for the boys and many parents arent happy the school they signed up to isnt the school thats now being offered,I understand that last weekend one house was informed that from September their house would be co-ed and sixteen girls would be moving in..if that was my boys house Id be furious. and would be giving serious consideration to other options.I am aware of several boys that should be joining Win in the next couple of years that have now decided not to..

TeenPlusCat · 10/03/2022 13:58

People don't like change, especially unexpected change, but schools need to adapt to survive. Presumably Winchester felt it is in the overall long term benefit of the school to admit girls - slightly surprised about a co-ed boarding house though.

nolanscrack · 10/03/2022 14:18

Its a dreadful situation,but its the schools fault,you cant do co-ed half heartedly,you either plan for and get equal numbers and build the required accommodation or you show it was a quick decision(needs must?) and not really planned and bring in a few token girls and accommodate them where you can,that way you manage,I imagine, to upset both sexes..

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 14:18

That is not good to hear..t's difficult when a child is unhappy at day school and a boarding needs to be as near perfect as possible ( I know no school will be perfect all the time). I asked the question on mumsnet as I do need honest advice and it's difficult to get. I didn't realize that there would be a coed boarding house. Thank you for telling me this

OP posts:
nolanscrack · 10/03/2022 14:27

If its of concern I would suggest you contact the school to confirm,but as they dont(apparently) have enough girls to fill a boarding house and they havent built a new house,then im not sure what else they could do..

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 14:50

Ok thank you for the advice. Luckily we have other options. It's difficult for the families who are already there or starting in September.

OP posts:
3WildOnes · 10/03/2022 14:56

I know a few boys at Winchester who seem very happy. Don’t know any at Tonbridge. When I was younger the boys at Winchester were lovely and smart. The boys at Tonbridge felt a little more rough and ‘laddish’.

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 15:00

I could not describe my son as tough or laddish.
I thought the boys at Winchester were lovely and very nice to my son

OP posts:
parboil · 10/03/2022 15:08

I understand that mixed boarding houses is a pretty hot topic in the independent sector at the moment, so I wouldn't be surprised if more schools go down this path. With changes around gender identity, it becomes harder to maintain segregated spaces (as well as arguably less desirable - but that's a contentious question of course!).

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 15:14

I didn't think about it in that way. I just thought as schoolgirl I would not have liked to be a boarding house with boys. Maybe things have changed, I grew up in a less open society.

OP posts:
Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 15:15

Apologies for so many mistakes.

OP posts:
Claricethecat45 · 10/03/2022 15:23

I am fond of Winchester...my eldest did well there, loved it, he was an academic linguist...not one bit sporty but he developed into a good all round sportsman as well as having a great mind broadening education. Special mention for 'Div'....only 'taught' at Winchester....

He also had the choice of Tonbridge, which he enjoyed going to for the interview etc, but, the Head at the time, himself a Wykehamist, told us that as much as he would love to have him at Tonbridge, he would encourage him to go to Winchester...fortunately, he sat Election and was in College for his time there....wonderful school then.....unsure about the co-ed now/planned. I do recall an effort to bring girls in then ( 2004-9) and so many parents went wild with opposition that it didnt get past first base......times have moved on...

Original poster
Marshmallowtreat · 10/03/2022 15:35

Your son was very smart to gain a place in college, that must have been a wonderful experience. I don't think parents knew about the change to coed before it was announced , but I might be wrong . I would not like my son to be moving into 6th this year when it's all new. They didn't know this would happen when they joined the school.

OP posts:
nolanscrack · 10/03/2022 15:50

Some parents have claimed on here they knew about it,every parent I know in real life claims the first they knew about it was when a Governor who is not known for being publicity shy trailed it in a Sunday newspaper,the school then informed parents by a midnight email..the boys had also been kept in the dark..it was presented as a fait accompli..perhaps in Div they should study-How to win friends and influence people....