Looking for full boarding prep from Y3 recommendations

[LadyBugLovely]

Hi everyone,

First time boarding parent here. I’m looking for recommendations for full boarding preps (from age 7-13) for my DS and DD. Would prefer single sex schools for prep so would naturally need two different places... Is this going to cause me huge amounts of hassle?

Kids are bright. DS not super sporty, likes stem, tech building, individual pursuits in sport. DD more sporty and would like ponies at school, also v artsy.

I’m looking for:
Full boarding, pref 100% or a large amount of children doing full boarding.

Love international environments but don’t really want my kids to be the only ones not speaking mandarin or Russian etc. at the weekend.

Quite flexible with regards to area but would need to be ‘the south’. Quite close to Heathrow or Gatwick would be a bonus...

Schools would need to be within reasonable proximity to one another too I suspect to make this viable.

I’ve looked at Ludgrove but not sure if it is too much of a hot house and with competitive parents? I don’t drive a flash car etc. and don’t particularly entertain that type of pretension amongst parents and kids. Other options include Cothill and Horris Hill for DS. For DD I do quite like the look of Hanford but I’m not too sure if this is a bit too ‘informal’? These schools are nowhere close to each other either. I know it is much harder to find an all girls full boarding prep (and add in pony requirement to that) but would be grateful of ideas.

Are these ideas and criteria complete unrealistic?

I'll get my popcorn here we go again...

I do hope you watch the documentary ‘leaving home at 8’ OP. I went at 7 and now in my 30s I’ve been suffering from complex PTSD for years now. I wasn’t sent away for weeks on end , I was a weekly sometimes flexi boarder and got on with it for 10 years . Other women I know who started as young as me all have complex mental health issues also. I do hope you research the devastating impact early boarding has on future mental health.

I went full boarding from the age of 8 (parents abroad) and in the days where full boarder meant you didn't have any contact with your parents for at least 3 weeks at a time sometimes more if they could make the exeat. No phone calls just the occasional letter.

I do remember sobbing my heart out the first night but after that I loved it. We had so much fun and freedom and the most fun was all the activities at the weekend. I have no long term psychological damage. However I would find it too hard as a mother to let my little ones go at that age. I think I would be happy from about 10/11.

I’ve taught in several boarding schools and IME 8 is too young to board - by several years. Even if they say they want too, even if they beg.

Surely seeing your kids fortnightly or three-weekly for a day is not the same as seeing them every day?! Parents can justify it to themselves and pretend it's the same, but it really isn't.

You wouldn't get a dog and only see him every two weeks, so why do that to your kid?!

I almost feel like i would prefer it as a child if I was full boarding but I knew that my parents would love to have me living at home but they just couldn’t, for whatever reason eg working away. Surely being a full boarder but still having your parent popping in every few days for school events etc gives the impression that they actually are fairly available, and can make time to see you, but would just rather you didn’t live at home? It seems more hurtful somehow. Who on earth can go up to their child’s school for events a couple of times a week but can’t enable them to actually stay at home sometimes?

@SecondBabyGirl

I almost feel like i would prefer it as a child if I was full boarding but I knew that my parents would love to have me living at home but they just couldn’t, for whatever reason eg working away. Surely being a full boarder but still having your parent popping in every few days for school events etc gives the impression that they actually are fairly available, and can make time to see you, but would just rather you didn’t live at home? It seems more hurtful somehow. Who on earth can go up to their child’s school for events a couple of times a week but can’t enable them to actually stay at home sometimes?

You’re looking at the decision process through the wrong end of the binoculars! It’s the child wanting to board not parents making them. My dc tended to weekly board at prep but did stay in at the weekend sometimes if there was a good outing they wanted to do but even then I might collect them at lunch on Sunday so they can have a home roast in the evening. Our family choices are entirely child led. My dc chose to board because they found commuting a waste of time, liked not having to get up quite so early , liked the evening clubs (sport, chess, more sports !) , liked doing their homework in a room with friends, liked having a teacher round during homework time to help if needed (apparently I’m not as good 😂) , liked being in a dorm with friends to sleep . Of course not having mum and dad there is not the same but my dc weighed things up and made their choices. The prep school day started at 8.15 and stopped at 6pm. There is a lot going on and from a practical point of view, not a huge amount to come home for except a meal shower and bed! They had very long holidays though. 21 weeks out of 52 are spent at home on school holidays.

The love each of us has for our children is the same no matter what school any child goes to.

I don't know much about them but we played Caldicott at sports and thought they had lovely grounds (and very good cakes!). Don't be put off by their proximity to Slough, it feels quite rural.

I believe that all boys have to board for the last year or two, so you have a good selection of other boys to spend time with at the weekend.

‘Our family choices are entirely child led’ - if we did that we’d have every pet imaginable, I’d have been forced to provide more siblings and all the dcs except the first would have very unusual names. Our diet, I can’t even imagine and we’d be completely broke.

Friends kids went to the prep attached to Oakham and my dd was offered a scholarship at 11, we decided against it because I though it wasn't right for her, but friends kids seem fine. Don't know how young it goes and not near to London airports but they did used to have an airport shuttle

There's a boys prep near Oxford I would suggest avoiding, DD's ex went there and he is completely screwed up, said to the parents they implied a loving environment but it wasn't at all, boys left to cry themselves to sleep. His parents dumped him there at 7 when they split and he longer has a relationship with them

It's v easy to suggest that prep school boarding is akin to unloved pets but family life can be complicated and not all families are the same as posters should respect this. All of the yr 4 boarders shown on the tv show were army families and it would be harsh to suggest they were unloving families when they are trying to provide a stable education when they will move every 2 years. Friends of of ours had a severely disabled brother and the parents decided he would have a better more normal childhood at boarding prep rather than at home overshadowed by his brother's needs. Personally I wouldn't sign my children up for full boarding certainly not in year 3 but we need to be careful that other families may face challenges we're not aware of

Oxon here - Friends are very happy at the dragon for coed. Single sex - Headington (only from 9), summerfields, cot hill, st hughs (not sure if coed or not).
I’m afraid I am less knowledgeable on boarding preps overall.

I would go coed as logistics on two schools will be a pain, different holiday dates etc.

Try looking at Windlesham house school in West Sussex. Close-ish to Gatwick airport. Boarding co-Ed prep from year 3. Good luck.

These days parents have to produce a compelling reason why they want children this young to board. Schools expect a watertight argument before they’ll consider taking DC in.

Don’t think OP’s coming back..

How d'you mean, Supersimkin2?

As I mentioned above, the prep school I know best (and it is one of the very best) has moved from year 3 to year 4 as the lowest age for boarding. So no one can send a child in year 3. But for year 4 no 'compelling reason' is required - parents just have to believe it's right for their child, (for whatever reason) and the child has to want to board. Usually it's because they have an older child already at the school. All year 4 children are in a house together. Same with other years - so no danger of smaller children being bullied or oppressed by older ones out of school time, and all activities, etc are geared to exactly that age group.

I'll say again, I wouldn't choose to have a child board before they were ten - but, certainly at this prep, I have no reason to think they receive anything other than the utmost care and attention. They have a lot of fun. Also, at this age the family usually live not too far away, and are at school sometimes several times a week.

Oh no I’m still here! I’m contemplating whether to go for two single sex schools or one coed. Several factors to consider for that one. Thank you to everyone who has come up with helpful suggestions of schools I had not previously considered.

I was sent at 7 and I would NO WAY send a child of my own until they were 16, that is only opinion though based on my experiences. There is too much parenting that needs doing up to that point and you cannot expect even the best house parents to be able to achieve all that needs doing in those early years with so many children in their care.

If you are interested in the single sex full boarding option together with ponies, then I would urge you to take Hanford seriously (as you mentioned in your first post). I say this as someone who was there as a child, worked there as a student and whose family still have links to the school.

As for the concern about informality, it depends on what you mean. Yes, there is no uniform and it doesn’t have the all-singing, all dancing tech facilities, but there is academic rigour underneath there and what comes out of their art room is incredible too.
There has been quite a bit of modernisation in the last 10 years or so but from my experience, the soul has remained.

I’m not sure about the current situation but there certainly used to be a few Year 3 boarders but the main entry point was Year 4 or Year 5.

It is a pretty unique place but one that also allows children to flourish in their own time and to find their own strengths. I also felt that it allowed children to be children, still able to play, be creative and discover a love of whatever they were interested in, rather than feeling that they had to grow up too quickly.

Happy to give any further pointers!

@Oresome Thank you.
To be honest it’s Hanford which is making the choice harder for me- if I hadn’t have come across it and been recommended it so wholeheartedly by both current and old girls I probably would not have considered single sex. I’m really taken by their approach and I think it would really suit DD. I think it was possibly academic rigour which is my concern. DD loves outdoor activities, literally mucking in, and art so I think it would be super for her. And for prep having fun it just so important. However, she is also very academically minded and just loves learning. Still only tiddly but current day school is supporting quite a lot in terms of stretching etc etc. I’m not after a hot house at all but would love her individual needs to be met and mind to be challenged, it really makes her happy.

Still only tiddly but current day school is supporting quite a lot in terms of stretching etc etc. I’m not after a hot house at all but would love her individual needs to be met and mind to be challenged, it really makes her happy.

Only tiddly but you’re sending her away (to be in a different country to you by the sounds of it) to be a full boarder, not even seeing her at weekends, and you think this meets her needs? Unbelievable.

@MinnieMous3
You already made your point about boarding schools on AIBU, and some people agreed while others did not, everyone giving a reason.

Can you stop spamming this thread with your anti-boarding vitriol, since the OP never asked if her DC should board or not, and has already made up her mind. You have absolutely no idea what her situation is, and she owes us no explanation either.
Her question is really straightforward !

OP
Just recalled when pp suggested Sandroyd, and tying that up with possible future schools. If you say your DD is also quite artistic, another school to look at is Bryanston for future, and Sandroyd is one of the main feeders.

You may start to have to look at more seniors for your DD, as well as co-eds for both. Remember that DC may have travel mates for going home at senior boarding, so don't further north schools like Stowe. Worth a look is Wellington, Teddies etc. Mumsnet will give you a guide to a lot of schools to look into.

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*don't discount schools further north