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School complaint advice

170 replies

user1483311479 · 13/12/2020 00:59

Hi everyone,

I have an eight year old DD who has always lived with me and visits her mum on alternate weekends. She is in public primary school and sometimes goes to the after-school club, which I pay for and is in my name. The club rents rooms at the school but are legally separate and have their own management, rules, staff, etc.

One day last month, DD was sent to the club at 3:15pm as usual and her mum should have collected her at 4:45pm as she has always done. The club called at 3:30pm to confirm that DD had arrived at the club. Her mum turns up at 3:40pm instead of 4:45pm and contacted the headteacher who is still on site, instead of contacting the club. The headteacher goes to the club claiming she has authority to remove children as she is a headteacher and, as no club manager was there, no club staff stopped her taking DD out and handing her over to her mum (the club later confirmed all this in writing). No-one contacts me at any point about this, not even DD's mum. The club later called to say DD is no longer at the club and that she was not collected by her mum. I call the police as I do not know where DD is, but find out minutes later that she is with her mum.

There are safeguarding issues with DD's mum. Both the school and club had agreed to contact me first if there were any changes to existing plans, particularly with respect to DD's mum. Neither the school nor the club contacted me. Club rules are that only authorised people can remove DD from the club (i.e. me and her mum) and that passwords must be used otherwise. There is nothing in school policies about school staff being able to remove children from any club or activity outside school hours.

Social Services became involved, interviewed DD who said she did not want to be removed from the club and was not happy about being taken out by the headteacher in-front of her friends, rather than being taken out of another exit by club staff as usual. The assigned Social Worker advised issuing formal complaints to the club and school and referred me on to the Education Safeguarding Team within the local authority. The Education Safeguarding Team said the headteacher had already been in contact to say that DD was at school and that she had handed DD to her mum at 3:15pm, and that the issue was about me trying to stop DD from seeing her mum. I told them that DD was actually in the club and the headteacher had no authority to remove her, and offered the evidence on this from the club and Social Services reports. I have had nothing back from them yet.

The club has since essentially admitted they were at fault for releasing DD to an unauthorised person, but only after they were told they would be inspected by the ombudsman as a result of what happened.

The school have refused to comment on the matter, stating that the incident and my subsequent complaint is not within their remit. This was followed by a complaint by the headteacher that I had threatened her job, which I had not. Part of the school complaint procedure states that they do not necessarily have to respond to staff behaviour outside of school hours. I suspect they are trying to use this to avoid the issue by claiming that the headteacher was acting outside of school and so she cannot be disciplined.

If the teacher went to the club outside of school hours claiming to have authority over them as a headteacher, so clearly stating that she was acting on behalf of the school, but the school say it was outside of school hours and so it is not within their remit to respond to the complaint, what should I do? I was thinking that if she was technically outside of school and not acting as school staff then I could contact the police to give her a warning about trying to remove children from the club as an unauthorised person. I also thought about contacting my MP or the Education Minister and basically forcing the issue that the school must consider my complaint as she said she was acting on behalf of the school. Does anyone have any advice on this, or any other ideas?

It has become worse since, as the headteacher now says that neither she nor the deputy headteacher will communicate with me anymore and that the only way I can communicate with the school is to issue formal complaints via the Chair of Governors. Emails I sent to the school have been sent to the Chair of Governors, who has said that I need to break each email down into a single question or issue and raise each one as a separate complaint. The majority are simple questions such as "what email address should I send this to?" and "Why was DD not allowed to wear trainers to her PE lesson?". I have been forced to lodge 23 'complaints' so far, and the Chair of Governors has said that he will now carry out a full investigation into each one individually and to expect a response sometime after Christmas. I have told him how bizarre this all is, but he says that he and the school are simply following procedure. However, I suspect that this is all being done as revenge because I issued a complaint and the school are simply trying to make things difficult.

Because they were not communicating with me, I have been making Freedom of Information requests each week which they have to comply with. However, the school are currently refusing to release any records with respect to DD being taken out of the club by the headteacher stating that they are unable to do so because I issued a complaint. However, I now have records which show that DD was recently unwell at school, was excluded from a school activity and was essentially punished for wearing a certain item of clothing, even though the clothing is school approved. The school had not contacted me about any of these at the time but, as we now have a Social Worker, had been sending reports to Social Services claiming that these incidents were evidence that I abuse and neglect DD. The school also sent these records to DD's mum when they were released to me who has raised concerns with Social Services that I abuse and neglect DD based on what the school says, but also raised concerns with the school that they were refusing to communicate with her also. The Social Worker has essentially said that what they are sending is not all that important at the moment. I then raised a safeguarding concern with how DD is being treated at school with Social Services, which got sent to the Education Safeguarding Team, which I am still yet to hear from.

Does anyone have any advice on where to go from here? I did start looking into whether I could take the school to court just to obtain a court order forcing them to communicate with me, but I do not really think that is possible. I also thought about going to the press to publicise it all. I could take DD out of the school, but she really likes it there and has lots of friends and she's having a hard enough time with the whole situation, being interviewed by Social Services, etc, as it is. The next nearest school with spaces is 14 miles away which is not the easiest given that this school is less than a mile. In a way, I think that the school are acting this way to try and force us out anyway which makes me all the more determined to keep her there.

OP posts:
cariadlet · 13/12/2020 07:40

Op please come back and explain why on earth it was a problem for your dd's mum to collect her on the day that she was supposed to but an hour early.

You sound a complete nightmare. I bet the head, the rest of the school staff and the after school staff are praying that you get into such a strop that you decide to withdraw your dd and change schools. If you did it next week, it would be a lovely early Christmas present for them. Unfortunately, it wouldn't help your poor dd who's caught in the middle of all this drama.

justanotherneighinparadise · 13/12/2020 07:43

I think one of the mums on here have lost their narc ex husband Hmm

NerrSnerr · 13/12/2020 07:47

Bloody hell. It's you that has put your daughter through all this unnecessary stress. Do not go to the press as that'll be worse for her too. Do not take her out of school if she loves it.

Just step back and look how bonkers it is. All those complaints.

Why is it an issue if her mum who was going to pick her up anyway gets her early. Can you tell us what the actual issue with that is?

I suspect you just like to be in control.

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 13/12/2020 07:52

@justanotherneighinparadise

I think one of the mums on here have lost their narc ex husband Hmm
Exactly what I thought!!!
nellyburt · 13/12/2020 07:54

Wow. You have completely lost perspective. I actually think you may need some medical help and I mean that in the nicest possible way to help you get some reality.

macaroniinapot · 13/12/2020 07:54

Completely batshit

SD1978 · 13/12/2020 07:55

Sorry- but you initially kicked up a bloody stink and a half when her mother picked her up an hour early from after school care- on a day she was being picked up by her mother anyway, and then proceeded to go full on with the school- I'm not surprised they won't engage with you, given how ridiculously far you've taken a non event. The other concerns regarding social services and your wife being given information is a completely seperate issue, although they also sound like only minor incidents. I think you really need to examine your motivation- is it really concern over a few minor incidents, or point scoring?.

todayIdrankmilk · 13/12/2020 07:57

My goodness op. I don't blame the school for their actions. I wouldn't have the patience to deal with you either.
You do come across as a bit of a sergeant major.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 13/12/2020 08:01

@Littlefluffyclouds13 - it went through my mind, too.

OP sounds like my controlling abusive ex who had the nerve to try to stop my formal complaint with social services (which I won) and batshit enough to complain that I didn’t ask his permission to apply for a job at the school.

Charleyhorses · 13/12/2020 08:03

I'm kinda hoping this is a reverse.
One of my oldest friends is a primary head teacher. She is on her knees trying to keep staff and kids safe, close bubbles, open bubbles, worrying herself to death over vulnerable kids being fed, covering classes and the rest. And you think 23 complaints is reasonable. There are no words

todayIdrankmilk · 13/12/2020 08:04

I think mumsnet will be along to delete this thread soon as it's really weird.
But op I do feel very sorry for your little girl. I really do.

ShameMacGowan · 13/12/2020 08:05

Op you sound like a man hell bent on revenge of some sort and willing to put his child in the firing line of scoring points over his ex. Unless there's some huge back story here - you are going to damage your child if you keep this up.

justanotherneighinparadise · 13/12/2020 08:06

It’s basically exactly the kind of crazy we read about on here. The thread where the husband was planning to go to court for residency of a child that was days away from turning 18. That was an eye opener!

teenyweenycurlywurly · 13/12/2020 08:11

Jesus fucking christ. It's no wonder they have stopped communicating with you! You are THAT parents who is basically harassing the headteacher. Do you not think she has other priorities and things to do with her day? How dare you force all this extra stress and work on a woman who is probably already on the edge four to being a head teacher at this
Moment in time. You sound absolutely fucking crazy.

Fieldofyellowflowers · 13/12/2020 08:12

There are safeguarding issues surrounding the mother of OP's DD. The club and the school both agreed to contact OP if plans changed. They both broke their agreement here.

The headteacher may not know who is authorized to take the DD from the club. Imagine if she insisted on taking her from the club and giving her to someone who wasn't authorized??? Massive safe guarding issue there.

Headteacher later lied about what happened. Why do that if she is innocent?

The school have been penalizing OP's child because of what has gone on and making untruths reports to SS. That is disgusting.

Social services have got involved on OP's behalf and told him to complain, so they must think that he has got a case.

If this post was written by a mum, I think that a lot of these responses would be different.

MaidEdithofAragon · 13/12/2020 08:13

IHateCoronaVirus is completely right about this situation.

I'm a headteacher. A very small minority of parents act like the op. It's always awful for the children, as their needs aren't prioritised at all, just the needs of the adult who wants to control and have revenge for some perceived slight against them. The school will be keeping copious notes on the op's behaviour and seeing it in terms of whether s safeguarding referral is necessary around the coercive and controlling behaviour. The school's legal team will probably be involved by now and be advising the school to have very low contact with the op due to his vexatious approach.

loutypips · 13/12/2020 08:15

OP you need to step back and look at your behaviour and the damage it is causing your daughter.

But, if you're putting in complaints and FOI requests left right and centre, then you aren't going to see any wrong in what you're doing. You believe you are right. And yes, I'd be pissed off at being contacted by the after school club to say that dd wasn't there. But I certainly find it odd that they have to call each time to say she IS there and when she arrives. Do they do this for all parents?

ChloeDecker · 13/12/2020 08:15

You have been doing an FOI request weekly!?
Oh my goodness! I have to action these at my school and just one takes hours of work alone.
Please, just make it stop!!!!!

MaidEdithofAragon · 13/12/2020 08:17

Thankfully the LA teams are very used to dealing with this kind of thing and are very good at protecting their staff legally from this aggressive approach, as are the headteachers' union.

katmarie · 13/12/2020 08:19

From the mums perspective - ex dh called the police on her for picking her child up from school an hour early, what a nightmare. Mum asked the headteacher to help her get her child from after school club, headteacher did so, and handed the child over to her mum. That is a total non issue. Op seems to be on a mission to destroy all good relations with the school, and harm his daughter in the process, and not once in that tirade has he mentioned what is best for the daughter. I feel for the child.

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 13/12/2020 08:20

@Fieldofyellowflowers - if there were actual safeguarding issues why is there not a court order reflecting this? The school cannot agree to call up a parent and tattle-tale on the other, again unless there is the appropriate court order in place saying so.

And in no universe is it a safeguarding issue for a parent to pick up their child an hour earlier from an after school club when there isn’t a court order in place saying child MUST attend after school club.

The OP is being controlling and I would imagine these ‘safeguarding issues’ are entirely in the OPs head as an excuse and reason to act with this level of control and entitlement. And I’d be saying the same if the OP were female (and they may well be, we don’t know)

cameocat · 13/12/2020 08:21

'Imagine if she took her and gave her to someone unauthorised?' Yes imagine. She didn't! You can imagine a lot of things but you cannot act on everything due to an imagined thought.

OP you need to really take a look at yourself and your DD here. This is not normal behaviour, you are either mentally unwell or fixated / obsessed. Either way you don't have an end goal except to continue to escalate problems. I would seek medical help.

MaryLeeOnHigh · 13/12/2020 08:27

the fact that you have put in 23 complaints to governors is completely unreasonable- they are volunteers- do you think they are there to serve only you

As I read it, OP has only put in 23 complaints because the governors insist that they put even basic question into the form of separate complaints.

I also don't see how the governors can claim that something the headteacher does in her capacity as headteacher at 3.40 p.m. is outside their jurisdiction. I'm prepared to bet the headteacher's contract says her working hours are well beyond her school hours and that they are very firmly within the governors' remit.

OP, if this is an Academy you need to take the issue to the Academies Department at the Department for Education. If it's a state maintained school, try the local authority.

SquishSquashSqueeze · 13/12/2020 08:33

It'd seem that OP has form for posting these long rambling posts and then not coming back again.

BerylReader · 13/12/2020 08:35

Top marks on creating an insurmountable amount of extra work for people who have had the most awful and stressful year trying to keep people safe. I hope social Services are taking good note of YOUR behaviour in all this. You need help.

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