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School complaint advice

170 replies

user1483311479 · 13/12/2020 00:59

Hi everyone,

I have an eight year old DD who has always lived with me and visits her mum on alternate weekends. She is in public primary school and sometimes goes to the after-school club, which I pay for and is in my name. The club rents rooms at the school but are legally separate and have their own management, rules, staff, etc.

One day last month, DD was sent to the club at 3:15pm as usual and her mum should have collected her at 4:45pm as she has always done. The club called at 3:30pm to confirm that DD had arrived at the club. Her mum turns up at 3:40pm instead of 4:45pm and contacted the headteacher who is still on site, instead of contacting the club. The headteacher goes to the club claiming she has authority to remove children as she is a headteacher and, as no club manager was there, no club staff stopped her taking DD out and handing her over to her mum (the club later confirmed all this in writing). No-one contacts me at any point about this, not even DD's mum. The club later called to say DD is no longer at the club and that she was not collected by her mum. I call the police as I do not know where DD is, but find out minutes later that she is with her mum.

There are safeguarding issues with DD's mum. Both the school and club had agreed to contact me first if there were any changes to existing plans, particularly with respect to DD's mum. Neither the school nor the club contacted me. Club rules are that only authorised people can remove DD from the club (i.e. me and her mum) and that passwords must be used otherwise. There is nothing in school policies about school staff being able to remove children from any club or activity outside school hours.

Social Services became involved, interviewed DD who said she did not want to be removed from the club and was not happy about being taken out by the headteacher in-front of her friends, rather than being taken out of another exit by club staff as usual. The assigned Social Worker advised issuing formal complaints to the club and school and referred me on to the Education Safeguarding Team within the local authority. The Education Safeguarding Team said the headteacher had already been in contact to say that DD was at school and that she had handed DD to her mum at 3:15pm, and that the issue was about me trying to stop DD from seeing her mum. I told them that DD was actually in the club and the headteacher had no authority to remove her, and offered the evidence on this from the club and Social Services reports. I have had nothing back from them yet.

The club has since essentially admitted they were at fault for releasing DD to an unauthorised person, but only after they were told they would be inspected by the ombudsman as a result of what happened.

The school have refused to comment on the matter, stating that the incident and my subsequent complaint is not within their remit. This was followed by a complaint by the headteacher that I had threatened her job, which I had not. Part of the school complaint procedure states that they do not necessarily have to respond to staff behaviour outside of school hours. I suspect they are trying to use this to avoid the issue by claiming that the headteacher was acting outside of school and so she cannot be disciplined.

If the teacher went to the club outside of school hours claiming to have authority over them as a headteacher, so clearly stating that she was acting on behalf of the school, but the school say it was outside of school hours and so it is not within their remit to respond to the complaint, what should I do? I was thinking that if she was technically outside of school and not acting as school staff then I could contact the police to give her a warning about trying to remove children from the club as an unauthorised person. I also thought about contacting my MP or the Education Minister and basically forcing the issue that the school must consider my complaint as she said she was acting on behalf of the school. Does anyone have any advice on this, or any other ideas?

It has become worse since, as the headteacher now says that neither she nor the deputy headteacher will communicate with me anymore and that the only way I can communicate with the school is to issue formal complaints via the Chair of Governors. Emails I sent to the school have been sent to the Chair of Governors, who has said that I need to break each email down into a single question or issue and raise each one as a separate complaint. The majority are simple questions such as "what email address should I send this to?" and "Why was DD not allowed to wear trainers to her PE lesson?". I have been forced to lodge 23 'complaints' so far, and the Chair of Governors has said that he will now carry out a full investigation into each one individually and to expect a response sometime after Christmas. I have told him how bizarre this all is, but he says that he and the school are simply following procedure. However, I suspect that this is all being done as revenge because I issued a complaint and the school are simply trying to make things difficult.

Because they were not communicating with me, I have been making Freedom of Information requests each week which they have to comply with. However, the school are currently refusing to release any records with respect to DD being taken out of the club by the headteacher stating that they are unable to do so because I issued a complaint. However, I now have records which show that DD was recently unwell at school, was excluded from a school activity and was essentially punished for wearing a certain item of clothing, even though the clothing is school approved. The school had not contacted me about any of these at the time but, as we now have a Social Worker, had been sending reports to Social Services claiming that these incidents were evidence that I abuse and neglect DD. The school also sent these records to DD's mum when they were released to me who has raised concerns with Social Services that I abuse and neglect DD based on what the school says, but also raised concerns with the school that they were refusing to communicate with her also. The Social Worker has essentially said that what they are sending is not all that important at the moment. I then raised a safeguarding concern with how DD is being treated at school with Social Services, which got sent to the Education Safeguarding Team, which I am still yet to hear from.

Does anyone have any advice on where to go from here? I did start looking into whether I could take the school to court just to obtain a court order forcing them to communicate with me, but I do not really think that is possible. I also thought about going to the press to publicise it all. I could take DD out of the school, but she really likes it there and has lots of friends and she's having a hard enough time with the whole situation, being interviewed by Social Services, etc, as it is. The next nearest school with spaces is 14 miles away which is not the easiest given that this school is less than a mile. In a way, I think that the school are acting this way to try and force us out anyway which makes me all the more determined to keep her there.

OP posts:
Varjakpaw · 13/12/2020 01:01

Why does it all bother you?

Changethetoner · 13/12/2020 01:48

I don't understand the problem with mum collecting DD from the after school club. She was supposed to do it at 4.45pm, but came early one day? Is this a big deal? (she was surely an authorised person, if she was allowed to collect at 4.45pm).

October2020 · 13/12/2020 01:54

This is insane! I'm not surprised the school have banned you from contacting staff. Read this whole post back to yourself and imagine you were looking in.....

ElfHatOnPicture · 13/12/2020 01:55

I don't understand why this is all so serious.

NovemberR · 13/12/2020 02:01

Has it occurred to you that your DD is having a hard enough time at school because of you?

Are you actually prioritising your daughter's wellbeing in any of this bizarre campaign?

You are making life hellish for her and the school yet are determined to keep her there, apparently so you can feel you won.

PassataQueenofBritain · 13/12/2020 02:05
  1. why call the police instead of DD's mum? It was her day to collect DD, so why on earth would you do that?

  2. your complaint is against the club, not the school- club messed up, not school. Why are you harassing and complaining to school when the club who mistakenly released DD made the mistake?

  3. schools all publish their complaints procedure- you need to follow these. It is laughable that you think a minister would even consider your complaint when it is still with governors. LA is next after governors, assuming your complaint is not upheld, and your appeal fails also.

  4. the fact that you have put in 23 complaints to governors is completely unreasonable- they are volunteers- do you think they are there to serve only you? I imagine school have stopped communicating with you because of the volume of contact, possibly it could be deemed harassment.

  5. how did social services become involved in a parental complaint to an after-school club?

Hercwasonaroll · 13/12/2020 02:10

WTF

How did your dd being picked up an early by someone who is allowed to pick her up, end up with social services involved?

ClearingSpaceOnTheTrophyShelf · 13/12/2020 02:11

Op, I work in primary schools and y job is liaising with parents and I'm a deputy safeguarding lead.

Some questions.
Does mum have PR?
Is the limited contact mum has court/police/social care ordered?

If the answers are yes then no then the school did nothing wrong.
If not then you are making a mahoosive hoo-har out of nothing.

23 complaints? That's insane. No wonder the head is refusing to communicate with you. Is that since September? That's 3 official complaints a week.

Even if you're right and the school/head has majorly fucked up, I'd say that your relationship with the school has completely broken down, and I can't see how it can continue. There is no trust.

What is it that you want from this situation?

SilverBirchWithout · 13/12/2020 02:19

I think you need to seriously think about your obsession over these issues and you own behaviour. This will be causing your DD harm.

All that seems to have happened is your DD’s mother arrived an hour early to pick her up. The headteacher inadvertently got involved in what appears to be a terrible relationship between the child’s parents. You now appear to have a personal vendetta against members of staff at the school, making matters much worse after a non-incident. I’m horrified.

yorkshirepuddddiiing · 13/12/2020 02:21

Wtf?!
Why does it matter this much a that her MOTHER picked her up a bit early?! Hmm

yorkshirepuddddiiing · 13/12/2020 02:23

Honestly this is crazy. Take a step back and reread your post.

Sycamoretrees · 13/12/2020 02:27

Goodness, I feel very sorry for the school and your daughter. You are coming across as very controlling and paranoid. It also appears that although obsessively detailed you have been very selective with the information you have presented, I strongly suspect the school and social service have a very different take on the situation.

You ask where you should go from here? Leave the school alone, fully cooperate with social services, and try to get this back in perspective. Perhaps your GP may be able to help organise some counseling for you.

Lofari · 13/12/2020 02:29

I'm confused 😕
She was released to her mother who was meant to collect her anyway......

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 13/12/2020 02:44

I don’t get this? She was released to mother who was going to collect anyway—is there a reason this is a major issue? Are we missing a backstory?

WyfOfBathe · 13/12/2020 02:48

She was released to her mother, who was authorised to pick her up. What did the headteacher do wrong? Walk DD across the playground to her mother, rather than telling her mother to walk to the door of the after school club?

I have two children in school and nursery, and have very rarely had to contact the school, let alone 23 complaints and FOI requests in a month. No wonder the staff don't want to deal with you anymore!

Oblomov20 · 13/12/2020 03:34

No school will accept your behaviour. The 23 complaint items is ridiculous. You have lost sight of the child in all of this. Please stop and take stock before doing anything further.

drspouse · 13/12/2020 03:41

They aren't 23 complaints, they are 23 normal questions that the school won't answer.

ClaireP20 · 13/12/2020 03:49

One of the questions to the school was "why was DD not allowed to wear trainers to her PE lesson?"

Why on earth would you concern yourself with this? This, I think, sums you up. I bet you also complain to the local council about bloody everything.

I used to work for a school. Do you have any idea how much time is spent on responding to inane complaints rather than actually doing the work one should be doing..looking after children?

Just stop. Just...stop...writing...to..the..school.

ClaireP20 · 13/12/2020 03:51

@drspouse

They aren't 23 complaints, they are 23 normal questions that the school won't answer.
There are 23 arsey questions and the OP knows it.
ClaireP20 · 13/12/2020 03:54

"Social Services became involved, interviewed DD who said she did not want to be removed from the club and was not happy about being taken out by the headteacher in-front of her friends, rather than being taken out of another exit by club staff as usual"

You mean, you phoned social services and forced then to interview your poor daughter about how her mum picked her up an hour earlier.

I feel very sorry for your daughter.

BethlehemIsInTier1 · 13/12/2020 03:58

Her mum has automatic Parental Responsibility as she is on the Birth Certificate, only a Court Order preventing her from picking her up can stop her doing so, and nothing else.

Clymene · 13/12/2020 04:19

Why on earth did her mum collecting her an hour early cause such huge drama?

If there are safeguarding issues with her mum, why is she collecting her at all?

None of this makes any sense and you sound unbelievably combative

BlackCatShadow · 13/12/2020 04:42

I’m also confused by this. Her mum is authorized to pick her up and did so. This is insanely over the top and I agree easy to understand why the school are upset.

kursaalflyer · 13/12/2020 04:54

Yikes! The club were at fault and should have requested the mother collect DD personally, back down gracefully and leave the school alone.

HappyThursdays · 13/12/2020 05:05

He called the police because the club called to say she had left but not with her mum! I think most people would have panicked in that situation

The club sound hopeless but I am also surprised that you have them calling when dd gets there and leaves unless there have been safeguarding issues around this. Perhaps they should only be calling when she doesn't get there or doesn't get picked up?

You do need to take a step back. Ultimately no harm was done and your daughter will be the one suffering in this. Mend bridges with the school for her sake.

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