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School complaint advice

170 replies

user1483311479 · 13/12/2020 00:59

Hi everyone,

I have an eight year old DD who has always lived with me and visits her mum on alternate weekends. She is in public primary school and sometimes goes to the after-school club, which I pay for and is in my name. The club rents rooms at the school but are legally separate and have their own management, rules, staff, etc.

One day last month, DD was sent to the club at 3:15pm as usual and her mum should have collected her at 4:45pm as she has always done. The club called at 3:30pm to confirm that DD had arrived at the club. Her mum turns up at 3:40pm instead of 4:45pm and contacted the headteacher who is still on site, instead of contacting the club. The headteacher goes to the club claiming she has authority to remove children as she is a headteacher and, as no club manager was there, no club staff stopped her taking DD out and handing her over to her mum (the club later confirmed all this in writing). No-one contacts me at any point about this, not even DD's mum. The club later called to say DD is no longer at the club and that she was not collected by her mum. I call the police as I do not know where DD is, but find out minutes later that she is with her mum.

There are safeguarding issues with DD's mum. Both the school and club had agreed to contact me first if there were any changes to existing plans, particularly with respect to DD's mum. Neither the school nor the club contacted me. Club rules are that only authorised people can remove DD from the club (i.e. me and her mum) and that passwords must be used otherwise. There is nothing in school policies about school staff being able to remove children from any club or activity outside school hours.

Social Services became involved, interviewed DD who said she did not want to be removed from the club and was not happy about being taken out by the headteacher in-front of her friends, rather than being taken out of another exit by club staff as usual. The assigned Social Worker advised issuing formal complaints to the club and school and referred me on to the Education Safeguarding Team within the local authority. The Education Safeguarding Team said the headteacher had already been in contact to say that DD was at school and that she had handed DD to her mum at 3:15pm, and that the issue was about me trying to stop DD from seeing her mum. I told them that DD was actually in the club and the headteacher had no authority to remove her, and offered the evidence on this from the club and Social Services reports. I have had nothing back from them yet.

The club has since essentially admitted they were at fault for releasing DD to an unauthorised person, but only after they were told they would be inspected by the ombudsman as a result of what happened.

The school have refused to comment on the matter, stating that the incident and my subsequent complaint is not within their remit. This was followed by a complaint by the headteacher that I had threatened her job, which I had not. Part of the school complaint procedure states that they do not necessarily have to respond to staff behaviour outside of school hours. I suspect they are trying to use this to avoid the issue by claiming that the headteacher was acting outside of school and so she cannot be disciplined.

If the teacher went to the club outside of school hours claiming to have authority over them as a headteacher, so clearly stating that she was acting on behalf of the school, but the school say it was outside of school hours and so it is not within their remit to respond to the complaint, what should I do? I was thinking that if she was technically outside of school and not acting as school staff then I could contact the police to give her a warning about trying to remove children from the club as an unauthorised person. I also thought about contacting my MP or the Education Minister and basically forcing the issue that the school must consider my complaint as she said she was acting on behalf of the school. Does anyone have any advice on this, or any other ideas?

It has become worse since, as the headteacher now says that neither she nor the deputy headteacher will communicate with me anymore and that the only way I can communicate with the school is to issue formal complaints via the Chair of Governors. Emails I sent to the school have been sent to the Chair of Governors, who has said that I need to break each email down into a single question or issue and raise each one as a separate complaint. The majority are simple questions such as "what email address should I send this to?" and "Why was DD not allowed to wear trainers to her PE lesson?". I have been forced to lodge 23 'complaints' so far, and the Chair of Governors has said that he will now carry out a full investigation into each one individually and to expect a response sometime after Christmas. I have told him how bizarre this all is, but he says that he and the school are simply following procedure. However, I suspect that this is all being done as revenge because I issued a complaint and the school are simply trying to make things difficult.

Because they were not communicating with me, I have been making Freedom of Information requests each week which they have to comply with. However, the school are currently refusing to release any records with respect to DD being taken out of the club by the headteacher stating that they are unable to do so because I issued a complaint. However, I now have records which show that DD was recently unwell at school, was excluded from a school activity and was essentially punished for wearing a certain item of clothing, even though the clothing is school approved. The school had not contacted me about any of these at the time but, as we now have a Social Worker, had been sending reports to Social Services claiming that these incidents were evidence that I abuse and neglect DD. The school also sent these records to DD's mum when they were released to me who has raised concerns with Social Services that I abuse and neglect DD based on what the school says, but also raised concerns with the school that they were refusing to communicate with her also. The Social Worker has essentially said that what they are sending is not all that important at the moment. I then raised a safeguarding concern with how DD is being treated at school with Social Services, which got sent to the Education Safeguarding Team, which I am still yet to hear from.

Does anyone have any advice on where to go from here? I did start looking into whether I could take the school to court just to obtain a court order forcing them to communicate with me, but I do not really think that is possible. I also thought about going to the press to publicise it all. I could take DD out of the school, but she really likes it there and has lots of friends and she's having a hard enough time with the whole situation, being interviewed by Social Services, etc, as it is. The next nearest school with spaces is 14 miles away which is not the easiest given that this school is less than a mile. In a way, I think that the school are acting this way to try and force us out anyway which makes me all the more determined to keep her there.

OP posts:
Clymene · 13/12/2020 05:19

But she left with the head teacher. Not a stranger. And surely you would call the mum first? Confused

Ijustreallywantacat · 13/12/2020 05:19

'Authority to remove children?' Do you imagine the school locks in the children and that after school clubs are enforced by law? Bizarre!

The headteacher did not 'remove' the child. The mother removed the child, and the head teacher fetched her, which they are both wont to do

Ijustreallywantacat · 13/12/2020 05:20

And the school have stopped communicating with you because you are either:

  • unhinged and aggressive
  • plain fucking irritating with your constant remarks.

Well deserved.

DryRoastPeanut · 13/12/2020 05:25

Wow! You’re that crazy parent that everyone avoids for a bloody good reason.
Your poor daughter.
Please read the comments, they tell you everything you need to know, but no doubt you’ll think everyone answering you is wrong.

VashtaNerada · 13/12/2020 05:25

OP - are you able to tell us why there’s a safeguarding risk with DD’s mum collecting early but not one with her collecting on time? This seems to be the part we’re just not getting.
In terms of your complaints - pick your battles, seriously. If you have a genuine concern for her safety then this needs to be the one and only thing you focus on, forget about the sodding trainers. And I hope you’re not saying bad things to DD about the school and/or her mum. IME as a teacher, the children who have the worst time at school are those with parents who want to work against the school and not with it.

FecktheBoss · 13/12/2020 05:44

I'd love to see the other 22 complaints 🤣

SquishSquashSqueeze · 13/12/2020 05:45

Neither the school or DDs Mum are the problem here. Your poor daughter.

DonLewis · 13/12/2020 05:48

So there are safeguarding issues.

But I don't understand why you'd be concerned about DD being removed by the headteacher and handed to her mum.

The headteacher is in charge all day at school. If she pulled your DD out of class to talk to her, you wouldn't be worried, would you? And her mum picks her up every week, so her coming to get her wouldn't worry you.

So why did it worry you that the headteacher took your DD out of the club and gave her to her mum on the usual afternoon?

I think that's the key bit we're not understanding. Is the mum a flight risk?

SnuggyBuggy · 13/12/2020 05:53

Are their additional reasons for social services to be involved with your child?

SquishSquashSqueeze · 13/12/2020 05:53

Is the mum a flight risk?

Only before 4:30pm

RememberSelfCompassion · 13/12/2020 06:09

OP this isnt exactly a normal way tk deal with school life, or helpful for your daughter.

Are you working with social services? Do you have any other issues yourself goung on?

Littlefluffyclouds13 · 13/12/2020 06:18

I'd love to hear the Mums version of all this, I'd also be very interested in her description of you as a person.
You sound horrendous, I'm sorry but please take a good look at what you've written. Your poor dd.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 13/12/2020 06:23

It sounds like you are being very vexatious and unreasonable and you sending multiple freedom of interests requests is unreasonable. Threatening to go to your MP or the papers is just a way of harassing staff. Please consider getting your own mental health checked and treated because what you are doing does not sound like you are mentally well.

RaymondSpectacles · 13/12/2020 06:23

This is an extremely frightening post, because you come across as horrifically controlling.

Your DD's HT is in loco parentis and can take her out of after school club, case closed.

For your DD's sake: stop.

FrozenCharlotte · 13/12/2020 06:36

Ask yourself, How is any of this benefitting my daughter?

LaLaLandIsNoFun · 13/12/2020 06:58

You sound at best a bit unhinged abd at worst abusive manipulative and controlling.

Your daughters mum’s ‘safeguarding issues’ can’t be that bad (or are entirely imagined by yourself - desperately clung into so you can tell yourself you’re the better parent and lord it over your ex-partner) because you’re daughter LIVES WITH (go on, say it - it’s not a ‘visit’) her mother every other weekend (I’d love to hear her side of the story)

There was NO safeguarding issue with mum picking daughter up after school instead of after club (unless club is delivering some sort of life saving medical treatment?)

Understandable that you called the police if club called you and simply said that your daughter wasn’t there.

Is there even any CAO for this childcare arrangement? Because if there is and your so determined (or in some safeguarding scenario I cannot imagine it is IMPERATIVE) that mum should only have contact at the weekends and it has to be followed TO THE HOUR, why have you not got a prohibitive steps order laying this out?

You sound awful. Truly.

TW2013 · 13/12/2020 07:03

Unfortunately it does sound as if you like to be in control, is this one of the reasons you are not with her mother anymore? It is really hard when a parent micromanages all aspects of care as no one else can live up to these expectations. I suspect even the parent themselves couldn't maintain that control 24/7 without severely curtailing the child's freedom. This could become far worse as your dd grows up and wants more of her own freedom.

To my perspective the after school club were at fault for not following their own procedures. I imagine that they see the school as an extension of their domain and they recognise the head as an authority figure which is why they trusted the head. The head probably didn't even think that although it would be fine for them to see your child off the premises at 3.30, ten minutes later it is wrong.

I think that you need to consider that now the school are considering that you are controlling and are concerned that you are also controlling with your daughter. I would try to ease off in terms of the school, you have probably achieved a tightening of procedure in the club. The more you dig in the more they will be considering that if you are like this with them that you might be controlling with your dd. If you get this concerned about these fairly minor issues that the head has done then what your reaction will be if your daughter goes against you when she is older, and there almost invariably will be issues as it is natural for children to find difference with their parents in teenage years.

LincolnshireYellowBelly · 13/12/2020 07:09

There is more of a back story than this. I know schools that have introduced reasonable communication policies due to the behaviour of harassing parents. This has resulted in parents not being allowed to make contact with school. You are that parent aren’t you?

OverTheRainbow88 · 13/12/2020 07:10

I really think you need to let it be now, you’ve made your point 23 times and now you are potentially damaging your child’s education.

Is the club in the school?

I very much doubt the club called you and said DD has gone, we don’t know who with, they just have told you it was with the Headteacher.

You are wasting your time, the teachers time and the polices time.

Dowermouse · 13/12/2020 07:14

Your poor daughter.
The after school club apologised. You can stop now.
Is your daughter happy at her current school? You can leave her there.
And STOP NOW.
And leave her mum alone.

Sunshinehousexo · 13/12/2020 07:17

What do you want from this?

It’s quite excessive that you’re applying for FOI requests each week. Is there a mediation route you can go down? Is it just an apology or something more that you're wanting? Do you have an allocated social worker or is this just a duty social worker who picked up this on the day? Unless there are safeguarding concerns you would not have an allocated social worker for a school related issue.

IHateCoronavirus · 13/12/2020 07:19

I’m also from an education background.
It sounds as if you feel the NEED to be right, and respected. You object to mum collecting early as you pay for that time (you see it as disrespectful).
Instead of contacting mum to see if she knows what has happened you jump straight to the police (this makes you feel shame which you find incredibly challenging).

You feel you must raise your feeling of validation by proving you were right they were wrong.

This NEED to be right is making you come over as controlling and vindictive. You would rather heads roll than say “You know what, I panicked in the moment and overreacted. DD was with her DM no harm done.”

Instead many many hours of everyone’s time is wasted validating you.

Cantchooseaname · 13/12/2020 07:23

Hideously unreasonable behaviour on your part.
Schools are extremely stressful places and head teachers are trying to balance health and welfare of pupils staff and families. This headteacher was clearly trying to be helpful and make life easier.
You have blown it out of all proportion, and are now harassing them.
Sadly the only person who will suffer is your daughter. For her sake- back the fuck away.

Onadifferentuniverse · 13/12/2020 07:32

Blimey.

I’m intrigued now why her mum is a risk.

CallmeAngelina · 13/12/2020 07:35

This is an absolutely ridiculous state of affairs. The poor school.
Regardless of who runs the after school club, if it is on the school's premises and one of the school's own pupils is attending, it surely has to be acceptable for the Head Teacher to accompany that child from a to b. Can you imagine the alternative?
As someone else asked, what exactly do you want from this? I doubt you're going to get it.
Just step back and leave it be. Schools are under intolerable pressure at the moment and the last thing they need is to have to be defending themselves against insane vendettas.

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