Is boarding school only for the wealthy?

[bigyellowballoon]

I am looking at secondary schools and would really like my only dc to board. She's confident outgoing intelligent all the things I wasn't and also being an only she does get lonely and I think it would suit her spending extra time with friends.
The thing is they seem to be absolutely out of bounds financially. Do 'normal' families go? We are at a prep at the moment but not at application stage for secondary yet.

It is fab but very unique. You need to visit really.

Yes, it was both an academic and prestigious school. I guess no matter how much money you spend and how you try to kid yourself Trewser, your children are aware that you have basically sub-contracted their childhood. Fine if you are comfortable with that for your children. I am not.

Well it clearly didn't teach you to respect other people's points of view! I feel sad for you that you felt abandoned. I think boarding at 13+, if the dc wants to do it, is absolutely fine.

I would question why my 13 year old wanted to leave home

Well maybe yours wouldn't.

Sorry, haven't read the whole thread, but wanted to comment to OP.
Both my dc go to boarding school, both on bursaries.
At both schools my dc fit in fine. Neither child goes on school trips, and no-one bothers. Lots of dc don't go on the trips.

Eldest asked to board due to difficult circumstances at home with dc2. It was a good call from dc1 I think.
Dc2 asked to board when she realised boarding school would be beneficial for her, so she asked to try it. It's been brilliant for her.
That's why my 13yr olds asked to board.

I think your relationship with your dc needs to be good and strong for boarding school to be a success. It's needs to be seen as a place where they go to school rather than somewhere they are sent to be away from their parents. If your dc are not secure with their relationship with you, then I can see boarding being difficult emotionally.

TreesSandSea, I think you must be trying to be goady with I loved it but would never send my own children. I love them too much

I could say I didn't "sub-contract" (to use your phrase) my children to nursery or pre-school because I loved them too much. I spent all day, every day in the company of either one or both of my children for seven years in total. Did this mean I loved my children more than my friends did who sent theirs to nursery? No: it was my choice, and it worked for all of us. Now, boarding is what works. It has nothing to do with love or lack of it (this really shouldn't need saying).

Agree with 111222 that boarding probably works best for children who have a good relationship with their parents. Then it's only ever a positive choice, not a 'sending them away' kind of thing.

your children are aware that you have basically sub-contracted their childhood. Fine if you are comfortable with that for your children. I am not.

Treesand that’s one of the most passive aggressive posts I’ve ever read on mn.

In my experience, boarding school offers our dc1 more sporting, musical and any other activities than I could possibly hope to get him to if he was a day pupil. He appreciates this fact and relishes the chance to organise his activities as he wants, without having to see if Mum can get him there. He has friends on tap and can walk to any leisure facilities whenever he wants.
It is not at all sub-contracting, it is allowing dc to experience as much as possible, whilst knowing he is loved and supported at home. He is very grateful we work v hard so he can benefit from the type of school he attends.
Maybe other dc can get all this where they live, but where we live being independent is more difficult if you can't drive.
It really annoys me when people make sweeping statements about why people go to boarding school.

would never send my own children. I love them too much

Ha Ha Ha Ha, those were my words, then I was waving her off.
"How on earth could any parent do that if they loved their kids?"
I tore a strip of some poor mum on here, who ended up being so supportive to me and other parents (HG)
You never know what's round the corner.

linnetbird where is HG when you need her?!?

When we need her rather

Quite! Her DC aren't at the same one as mine, IIRC, but she's great.

Ha Ha, hers are all grown up now, but she's here from time to time.

It really suits some kids and they thrive, we'd be fools to say it works for all kids.
Mine couldn't wait to go, but loves time at home too.
It's a good balance with the long holidays especially if you are lucky like us and can spend most of it together.

Top 13+ boarding schools cost £30-40k p.a. You need to have this spare after tax (i.e. more like £40-60k before tax). We have a household income circa £150-£180k and I would say we cannot afford this for our two children. We are looking at day schools which around us cost £15k p.a. Friends of ours send 2 kids to boarding schools and run 3 businesses and are constantly sweating about paying the fees...

Think youll find theres more than one school that is now over 40...

I have long said this:

Why doesn't anyone stop to think about the schooling system in the U.K? It was one of the nost unusual systems in all of Europe.

I read an article there, where it says children are sent to boarding schools to toughen them up emotionally from a young age - resulting in all the unkind, uncompassionate politicians that we have at the moment.

They are emotionally stunted. The man who wrote the article said that he was abused constantly at night in the dorms - people hotting him etc. and he learned never to show emotion , or he would get beaten up again.

They are a very bad part of U.K society - and this , along with private schools are NOT common in other counties. Most schools are funded by the state and are equal

*hitting.

But no one seems to question the system. Everyone goes along with an ancient , antiquated system of:

Private schools and boarding schools.
Emotionally hurting young children.
Inequality.

Again and again

Probably because they aren't like that any more, and in the main produce bright, confident, successful teens with great social skills and academic results?

Dd moved to private boarding after 2 years at state and is like a different child - in a good way. Engaged, happy, hugely popular, doing brilliantly. Was miserable at state school surrounded by bullies and kids that couldn't give a shit (some nice ones too).

You aren't going to hear many of the success stories on here because a) its Mumsnet where boarding is not accepted by the hive mind and b) people love to share misery and c) not many people like to talk about having enough money to beat the system.

@Trewser I hope most people can see past the posts that don't really relate to my OP.
If anyone wants to give experiences of boarding please give more recent ones although I have family that loved it even in the 90's so there you go.

@Raspberry123 yes absolutely looked at fees and my eyes did water a lot. As we only have one we can probably pull it off. Makes paying uni fees look like a bargain. I'll be working until 2099 minimum though

I would have thought on 100k per year you can just about afford 1 child at boarding school. Check out the Telegraph recently did a graph of fees v gcse results and you will see some private schools are charging top whack but not getting top results. Friends of ours are planning to send their child to one costing more than 35k a year which has beautiful grounds but the results are average. It depends what your motivation is. For me it's not worth the financial strain for average results.

Angell84 you should note people also have bad stories to share about state schools and bad stories are more fun to tell than good ones...

She's in the way obviously. It's not about your daughter at all. It's about you.

@Trewser have you read all the articles written by people - who said that they hated boarding school?

These articles are written very recently. Many talk about physical and sexual abuse. And the pain of being away from their parents.