Is boarding school only for the wealthy?

[bigyellowballoon]

I am looking at secondary schools and would really like my only dc to board. She's confident outgoing intelligent all the things I wasn't and also being an only she does get lonely and I think it would suit her spending extra time with friends.
The thing is they seem to be absolutely out of bounds financially. Do 'normal' families go? We are at a prep at the moment but not at application stage for secondary yet.

unless they have ridiculously talented children on 100 percent scholarships

There are such children at the school I'm talking about (including mine). However, there are also loads of children who are bright (that's expected, given the entrance exam) but not ridiculously talented - but who still have loads to offer the school, which becomes clear at the interview stage. There are means-tested bursaries available for these.

Means tested bursaries arent usually given so that the mum can stay at home and so that the parents can have a more affluent lifestyle!

I would say number of kids definitely affects it. People with lots of children at boarding schools need to have a massive income or have squirrelled cash away and there are lots of them. For only children though, there are loads of more 'normal' people, who just with extra stretching are able to do it. You might miss her more than you thing though.

@trewser 30k a year is ridiculous money what a waste.

Serious question - what do parents get out out of sending their children to boarding school.
I am thinking it is solely for two reasons ( and neither are education)
1 - something to brag about
2 - wanting their child to mix with the right (posh) people. It is a stupid system, most children are not asked what they want, and anyone that I know who has been to boarding school hated it.

My own father , went to boarding school and hated it. He became very seriously depressed in later life, and told us that it all stemmed from his abuse (I think sexual) at boarding school.

He said - there is a long standing tradition at boarding schools, for the older boys to pick out the new good looking younger boys, and sexually abuse them.

www.google.ie/amp/s/amp.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2019/nov/07/boarding-schools-boris-johnson-bullies

There is a great article here - on how awful boarding schools are , by some one who went to one.

He also talks about sexual abuse, and bullying by older boys

I went to boarding on a scholarship and actually had a very good experience. But we had quite a big group of students there who were on academic scholarships so there was a gang of us poorer kids iyswim

However I boarded for my 6th form, rather than at 13. We had 11 year old kids running feral around the school, feel like it might be a bit too young to be left to fend for themselves tbh

It's none of your business really angel. Sorry that your dad had a terrible time.

@trewser it is my business if you write it on this thread.

Apart from all the terrible stories about boarding school.

I am against boarding schools anyway, because of the elitist element.

All education should be equal. More money should not mean better education - in a developed country

Well, the thread isn't about whether people are ideologically opposed to boarding schools, but do carry on making it all about you.

I am thinking it is solely for two reasons ( and neither are education)
1 - something to brag about
2 - wanting their child to mix with the right (posh) people.

I suggest you think beyond your own prejudices in that case, Angell84

I went to a state boarding school and my mum was a mature student, my boarding fees were means tested and I think she paid about £50 a term for my board and food . The school is still going & is rated one of the best in the country. It's in Bishop Stortford if you wanted to look into it. I had an amazing time and as an only child was incredibly helpful for my social skill and confidence
www.hockerill.com/

Thanks for the school suggestions I will take a look.
Definitely not to be snobby I don't really feel we're in a position to be so even if I wanted to be (which I don't!) agree with the new money people getting on my nerves. So many people at dd current school sold flats in London to acquire gigantic houses with all the trimmings after the sales and they're much older than us but that's life. The old money people are the most likely to just hum drum along and be friends with whoever they simply like.

I'm not wondering if I can get a bursary to stay at home at all, we have no childcare ie no family, nobody so I am stuck at home. Not sure how usual it is to have two ft workers if a dc is at boarding school but I would be completely happy returning to ft work I just haven't figured out how to right now with the rather long prep holidays. At least as dd gets older I'm hoping it becomes easier to solve that problems. Dd wouldn't be the first in the family to board but last family member to board was 20 years ago and things seem a lot different since then.

The old money people are the most likely to just hum drum along and be friends with whoever they simply like this is a bit of a myth actually, they are just far better at being polite on the surface!

@EstoPerpetua if you feel comfortable would you pm me the name? I am doing all research now.

I had a discussion with a friend of mine, whom is from old money and quite a well known family in the UK.

I was talking about sending my child to private school in the future (which is also a boarding school) as I can simply afford it. His reply was.

"I was at boarding school and the day students were simply looked down upon, didn't fit in quite as much with us boarders" (yes shitty attitude as even day students are paying ridiculous amounts)
Honestly send children to a day private school and if a family isn't wealthy at all, it's better to invest in an amazing house close to a great state school where the child is more likely to fit in and not deal with class snobbery"

"I was at boarding school and the day students were simply looked down upon, didn't fit in quite as much with us boarders"

It used to be like this. Mine are day kids and absolutely thriving. Super popular and dd2 is a deputy head girl. Noone has ever made them feel bad about themselves!

@Trewser perhaps but a lot of people have welcomed me into their lives and I would consider them my friends now. Some who have simply sold a property have less interest based on the size of my own home.

@bigyellowballoon My DS at very well known boys super selective boarding school .
He is the first in our family to go to private school never mind one with such a high profile.

He fits in perfectly and is super confident even compared to some of his very wealthy friends .
He has thrown himself into all the societies and is highly competitive in the classroom. He has lots of friends some are the sons of billionaires , others well known establishment British families.
About 20% of boys are on some level of bursary.

Our lifestyle is very modest . I think the fact that he has never portrayed himself as anyone other than who he is has helped. He is very ambitious and he background has not hindered him at all. He is comfortable in his own skin and thinks that he can achieve anything he puts his mind to.

The education that he is receiving is second to none . I would say go and see some of the schools which interest you and take it from there.
My son has socials with St Swithins, Wycombe Abbey and Sr Mary's and tells me that they all have lovely girls who are smart , confident and all speak highly of their schools.
Good luck !

Well at 100k and as a prep parent you are hardly stacking shelves! No reason why you wouldn't be welcomed!

Thanks for your helpful post @Thismagicroundabout your ds sounds just like my dd. She couldn't care less who's who just waltzes and makes friends. If someone rejects her she just moves onto the next person.
She is sporty and musical but scholarships I've looked at seem more for show now than financial help ie 10% off fees a year isn't really going to make a huge dent sometimes and is subject to ultimate participation.

Not everyone is ostentatiously wealthy at all ime. Some are and there are some very rich families who lead modest lives. But many DC have grandparents helping with school fees or two hardworking parents and a lot of sacrifices. Children are aware of who flies about in helicopters or whatever but may not think that having pots of money or a jetset lifestyle is something to aspire to.

Its a myth that many boarding parents are the uber wealthy. Many parents are just like you OP forgoing luxuries to pay for their children's education. In your case you're lucky to only have one.
There are many schools that give means-tested bursaries. I am not sure you'll get a bursary with your income but you can ask. As you plan to return to work when your DD goes to senior school, that should help. You can school fee plan and that can help with budgeting.
A friend of mine who is a single mum paid £400 a term when her only child was a boarder at a prestigious boys' school. Her DS is now at university and he tells me that there was only one boy from a wealthy family that he knew at school. The rest , who didn't have bursaries, occasionally went on holiday just like he did. In essence they were all in the same boat.
Ignore the MN naysayers. Most are Londoners and their first thought is Eton when they think of boarding. The majority of independent school parents (including tha boarding ones) are in the middle.
Many PPs have already mentioned state boarding. You can find the schools at sbsa.org.uk. Two schools whose pupils are achieving better than many independents in the SE where I live, are St George's School in Hertfordshire and Cranbrook in Kent. St George's is the alma mater of 3 or 4 of the current England men's rugby team - Messrs Itoje, Farrell and co. I know the St George's head and she is fab! Boarding fees are just roughly 13,000 a year.

I think there usually needs to be a reason or boarding need for a state boarding school?

I went to a very posh boarding school on a scholarship for sixth form, it was 75% scholarship with means testing on top - my parents were on benefits. Even with the fees paid it was a stretch financially for uniform and text books. Highlights include being called a fucking peasant - which is the otherside of the oh so polished manners and confidence. It wasn’t all bad though and it was a long time ago.

Surely if your DC does lots of after school clubs and weekend activities she will see plenty of her friends that way? Plus hanging out at each others’ houses for hours which happens more as they get older.

I’m not anti boarding and can think of various reasons to consider boarding - such as parents who both work abroad, an unhappy home, or no equally good day schools near enough.

Spending more time with friends seems a bit of a strange reason though, as it’s perfectly possible for senior day school pupils to spend the majority of their waking hours with friends if they want to.

Also I’m a bit puzzled by your statement that you cannot work as have no family nearby. What about paid childcare?

I suggest you think beyond your own prejudices in that case, Angell84

I agree. Maybe try to be a bit more open minded, Angell84?