A bright child is a bullied child in state schools!!!!!!!

[TenaLady]

Your thoughts please. I just find it incredible that if a child is bright either in primary or secondary school they seem to be penalised by their peers.

Is it jealousy, what is it that makes these children that want to get on and enjoy their education such a target?

I know if it were my child I may consider private education where the motto is fail and you are doomed or does this behaviour also happen in private education?

[fircone]

Dh went to one of the first comprehensives and was mercilessly bullied. He was clever and committed the worse crime of turning up in the correct uniform. Even some of the teachers joined in to curry favour with the tough kids, one teacher even calling him 'Poof' to his face. I went to an all-girls top grammar school, and I was a bit shy and VERY bad at sport. When I was fourteen there was a petition signed by all the form to send me to Coventry because I was 'letting the form down' with my lack of athletic prowess. No-one spoke to me for a month! At all! It never occurred to me to tell my parents.
I'd like to hope times have changed...

[speedymama]

A few years ago I was bullied by my colleagues and the ring leader was a pompous prat who had been privately educated. He thought that a black female educated in the state sector should not be on the same level as his over-privileged self and because he was popular, he was able to influence his minions to think likewise. When I complained to my boss, I was told that I was over-sensitive. Well, I don't believe being called a bitch to your face and being upset by that is being over-sensitive!

He would have been the ring leader of bullying others amongst his peer group at his school. He did it because he was arrogant and it appears that neither parents or teachers had managed teach him to respect others.

IMO, bullying in either state or private schools says much more about the bully than the school because surely, much of a child's attitude is influenced by the home environment? IMO, schools and more so parents, have a duty of care to teach children to respect others and to provide the environment where a bullied child knows that they will be supported and the bully will not get away with their unacceptable behaviour.

[expatinscotland]

And therein lies the problem, speedy. So few people have any sense of personal, much less social, responsibility these days, so how can they teach such concepts to their children? Also, that takes time away from other, more enjoyable activities. Discipline is tough, even for the parents, because then they have to tow the line, too.

So what we end up with is a generation of bullies who don't give a rat's ass about anything but themselves.

[speedymama]

FioFio, I wish the private vs state altercations would disappear too. How well a child does in life is influenced by far, far more than whether they are privately or state educated. Most of the influence actually happens in the home environment, imo.

[expatinscotland]

I couldn't agree more, speedy.

[growingbagpuss]

At last!! I'm glad to hear it ladies!

Living in Knet, DH and i are surrounded by pretentious gits who think the only schools to go to are the private ones...when there are prefectly good state grammars on the doorstep.

I went to a state comp - did v well thank you (despite the bullying), and DH went to a state grammar (but he is v old) - neither of us would dream of sending our child to a private school when there are so many good state ones around us.

It fascinates me that people think that being in a selective environment has any postitive influence on bullying - if anything, it probabl;y simply transfers the problem further along the line to adulthood where you get adults who think they are special becuase of their education (?)

[Freckle]

I don't think people are saying that selective education eradicates bullying in toto. Just that, if you attend a grammar school, you are less likely to be bullied for being bright.

Although it has to be said that the very, very bright and often "nerdy" children still come in for some stick at a grammar, although I'm not sure it goes as far as to be termed bullying.

[Freckle]

Mostly, although I do believe there are some independent grammars. All the grammars in Kent are state-funded.

[fircone]

But the op talked about being bullied for being bright. Of course there is bullying in all walks and at every stage of life, I've been there! (Not as the bully, I hasten to add!) but in SOME schools SOME kids feel obliged to dumb down to fit in with the pack.

[doggiesayswoof]

Only read OP.
Not always.
I was bullied for years, but I was also v. quiet, shy, awkward, speccy, taller than average, "uncool", etc etc - ie there were lots of reasons for my being a target. I knew other 'clever' kids who were not bullied at all.

Sociability and personality have an awful lot to do with it.

[doggiesayswoof]

Speedy, great posts.

[BonyM]

Only read op but I haven't found this. DD1 (9) is consistently at the top of her class and is also one of the most popular girls in it. She is very modest though and never boasts about her achievements.

[FioFioJane]

I dont think children at primary school are aware of how bright each other are. I think its something that happens, if anything, at secondary level

[katelyle]

Please don't think bullying doesn't happen in private schools - just think of Tom Brown's School Days!

I have two bright children in state schools and they have never been bullied for being bright. DD had a bit of trouble with an Alpha girl in year 4, but that was nothing to do with being bright - in fact the bully was brighter than dd, which was one of the reasons she picked on her!

[speedymama]

A mother at DTS nursery is currently looking at private primary schools for her 2yo DS. At the one she is currently favouring, she asked the head about bad behaviour and bullying. The head said that it was not a problem because by the time they got to 7yo, they had weeded out all the trouble makers.

The same mother asked me about what I planned to do about my DTS schooling. I proudly told her that they will go to one of the state schools that is less than 10 minutes walk from our house because that is my main criteria for choosing a school.

DH was picked up from the airport recently by a Nigerian taxi driver. This guy has 3 sons and all 3 are at state grammar schools. They went to state primary schools in one of the deprived boroughs of London with widespread social problems. The father use to get them to spell words to him, learn their timetables, encouraged them to read, do maths problems with them etc. In other words, he did not just leave their education to the school. Home environment, home environment, home environment - that is what matters.

[Anna8888]

speedymama - I totally agree that the home environment is critical when it comes to children's education - all those complex conversations at the dinner table, reading of stories, adding and subtracting of change etc etc etc

But don't you think that sometimes busy parents make a decision to pay for private school in the belief that those schools will do for the children what the parents do not have the time/inclination to do at home? Ie with great parental commitment you can get excellent results at state school, OR you can "purchase" an equivalent at private school, freeing the parents up for other things (like work)?

[FioFioJane]

Its MORE than just learning your times tables though. Its about feeling loved and secure and having that inner confidence a nice family home life gives you. Thats worth just as much as a formal education.

[speedymama]

Anna, people can spend their money on what they like so if they want to buy private education, let them. I'm just saying that just because you pay for it does not necessarily mean you will get something better than what is provided by the state which is the logic that seems to be purveyed by many on MN.

DH and I went to state comps that many on MN would not consider for their DC and we both have PhDs and good careers. SIL also has PhD and is currently doing research at Harvard. I know many privately educated people and for the money spent on their education, we have surpassed them in terms of career progression, pay and overall performance.

[fircone]

Of course home environment is vital. But you can have the best home environment in the universe and find that at school you stand out like a sore thumb. Then survival instinct kicks in and you try to blend in.

[Marina]

Whatever type of school you attend there will be parents who make the time to pay close attention to the children's classroom learning and make them feel loved and valued, and those who expect the school to do it all, IME.

[FioFioJane]

It makes me wonder whether the parents on here who worry about bright children in state school have even been to a state school themselves tbh. A stick with what you know mentality