A bright child is a bullied child in state schools!!!!!!!

[TenaLady]

Your thoughts please. I just find it incredible that if a child is bright either in primary or secondary school they seem to be penalised by their peers.

Is it jealousy, what is it that makes these children that want to get on and enjoy their education such a target?

I know if it were my child I may consider private education where the motto is fail and you are doomed or does this behaviour also happen in private education?

[BadToTheBone]

Not in my son's school, he's Year 10 and plenty of his mates are intelligent and work hard, it's a very good school in an affluent area, however only 1.5miles away it's a different thing, my friends son goes there and is mercilessly bullied for being a swot!

[TalkinPeece]

It applied in the private schools I attended.
Its a nasty thread that should have gone away a long time ago.

[Parsley1234]

In my sons prep there is a general culture of being really pleased for everyone with their achievements. If someone's bright their peers are happy for them. My son is very average but he's been helped a lot to achieve higher results through very small classes - 10 pupils and a lot of confidence building and belief in him. His role models at his next school are very bright and it is very cool there to be bright and work hard.

[TisGlorious]

I know its a Zombie, but whilst this may apply to some schools, it certainly doesn't apply across the board. Some of the brightest kids i know are from state schools, ordinary comps not even Grammar. But those type of schools, where you have to dumb down certainly do exist.

[TalkinPeece]

TEN YEAR OLD ZOMBIE THREAD

[Muskey]

This is exactly why I moved my dd from state to private. Dd had a terrible time from year 2 until the end of year 4 she is highly strung and was an easy target.The worse thing about it was the school did nothing because the dc involved mothers were closely connected to the school. She has been in private school since year 5 where she has excelled. She is still thought of as a swot and uncool but because she has a group of friends who are very similar she happy having found her "tribe"

[Waltons]

ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD
ZOMBIE THREAD

[Lancelottie]

...including the ten years since this thread started, Mrz?

[mrz]

Not something that I've observed in many years of teaching

[Oliversmumsarmy]

Not state school but one girl we knew was extremely bright no real friends. Nothing to do with the fact of her cleverness she was just an obnoxious know it all who tried to boss everyone around because she put herself in charge.

Never spent more than 2 or 3 years at a school.

She was never bullied but children would give her a wide berth.

[Lancelottie]

This thread is ten years old.

[dairymilkmonster]

I'm sure it is a variable experience. Plenty of people get bullied at any school for a myriad of reasons.
I was fine at primary school but at secondary had an awful time, mainly bullied due to being a geek ☹️. It was awful. I developed anorexia during that time (i recognise that is always a complx multifactorial thing) and am still struggling, although much better almost 20yrs later.
I expect the ethos of the school and what kids aspire too is the main factor here.

[43Today]

Thanks everyone for your input, it really helps to hear other people's ideas. I think that I do need to get more info about how the secondary school would deal with her, before I rush into any big decision.. Thank goodness she's got another year before it all happens anyway..

Not 43 today anymore as it happens, called myself that when I first registered as it was my birthday, but thanks for the good wishes!

[tigermoth]

43today, is there any way you could speak to some parents of special needs children who already go to the local schools? I wonder if someone could put you in touch with any of them? I definitly think you need to research what support the schools offer for special needs students, as Marina has said. It may well be that a smaller school is better. I can see where you are coming from.

FWIW, my son is in year 8 of a large, seven-form entry grammar school. One of his friends in his class (and so far the only friend of ds's to have visited us here at home) is special needs. He is on the autism spectrum and has some problems with his social skills and sometimes has meltdowns at school. Thinking of this thread, I have had a chat with ds about his friend, bearing in mind there's a strong culture of 'coolness' at the school. Ds says that no, his friend is not considered very 'cool'(said friend is obsessed with maths and computer games and is very bright) but ds and his classmates like him. Everyone knows he is special needs and apparently, knowing this, lots of children make more of an effort to include him in things.

[Marina]

43today, what a dilemma
Have you been able to ascertain what sort of additional pastoral support she might get at the new school, even without a Statement? Would they take on board your dd's dx and maybe have some sort of mentoring or buddy scheme for her?
I think special schools at 11 plus, both private and state, do a magnificent job in preparing their pupils for life outside full-time education, IME.

[43Today]

Just a bit more - it's not the fact that a school is private that would make it suitable for her, but if it was small and individual with low pupil-teacher ratios; it's just that that sort of school doesn't seem to exist in the state sector round here (or anywhere?)

[43Today]

Thanks for your comments and support, growingbagpuss - the state schools in our area are from 11-16, then most people go to a couple of big 6th form colleges that both have very good reputations. I am thinking that maybe a private school would be appropriate until she's 16 and then if she wanted to do AS/A levels she could swap back into the state system for 6th form.

The hope would be I suppose that she would learn to cope with the 'real world' but at 16 rather than 11, when she will have done a whole lot more maturing and learning about herself and others.

Perhaps that would be the best compromise and I'll just have to accept that sometimes ones principles just don't sit with real life situations..

[growingbagpuss]

43Today - that's a huge dilemma. your DD has had to go through a huge amount already, and clearly overcome a lot of her difficulties.

I suppose what I would say, is that in the real, adult world, she is going to have to fight these battles. not to say she should have to face it at the tender age of 11, but it might help prepare you and her for the reality of life with a social commucation difficulty.

Or - in a private/ independant setting she might find she can develop more confidence in a small setting, and learn how to handle herself gradually. Or she may be cossetted and suddenly have to face it when she leaves school.

You know her academic abilities, and maybe have some vague idea about what the future holds.. what would prepare her best? What would she cope with best?

Good Luck

[43Today]

this thread hits right to the heart of my current dilemma re my dd aged 10. She has Pervasive Development Disorder (ie on autistic/aspergers spectrum) but not severely enough to put her on the special needs register. She has worked very hard over her (state) primary school career to overcome her social and behavioural difficulties - with the guidance of some wonderfully understanding and caring teachers.

Now she is able to behave and function well within the classroom but social situations (eg playground etc) are still terribly difficult for her to negotiate. She is due to go up to a very good state comp, but my worry is that it is huge - 1200 children. She has already suffered bullying and being picked on and has no proper friends, is never invited to friends houses etc and sometimes cries about being lonely.

Although I have never liked the idea of private education and swore I would support the state system, I am starting to feel that for her, a small school with very small classes and really indiviualised approach to teaching would be so much more appropriate - and of course, the only local schools like that are private. So perhaps part of the problem isn't just bright/not-bright, state/private, but also the variety of school types available within the state system - ie very little.

what do others think?

[nimnom]

My son, nearly five, is just about to finish reception at village primary. Luckily they are all very competitive and all keen to get onto the next reading stage. My son has experienced some bullying from an older girl, but him being so bright meant he had the good sense to tell a grown up straight away before it got out of hand, so it helped in this case.

[kismet1]

On a slight deviation, how do you tell if your child is bright for his age? DS, age 3, seems to whizz through jigsaw puzzles intended for 3 to 6 yr olds (without really bothering with the picture) and can read numbers and has been shown to often hide his abilities. I didn't realise he'd mastered his numbers until he suddenly reeled off a complete barcode off the cereal packet at breakfast without any prompting. Until that day I just thought he recognised the number 2. Have always been wary of being a pushy parent and just want him to enjoy his childhood but I am wondering if I challenge him enough and if any of his misbehaviour could be down to boredom with what I provide.

[drosophila]

My ds is very bright (7) but I would say that . Anyway at the last parent's eve his teacher was waxing lyrical about his abilities and at one point said that he is not in the least showy (she seemed puzzled by this) and had a friendship with a boy who was not his intellectual equal (she seem very puzzled by this). I know DS has no idea that he is very bright and will usually put himself down.

Perhaps because he is so laid back about it there seems to be no jealousy and even one of his classmates who is also bright and cries to her mother because ds can do things she can't (her mother told me) still is a good friend of his.

[growingbagpuss]

Pammi,

I'm sorry that your experinece had a less happy adult outcome.

I think this is one reason I feel so angry - i am lucky - I've come out if it reasonably unscathed - I did have supportive parents, and was lucky to hide behind academia, and music. My primary school head teacher used to say I brought it on myself, because i didn't "merge in". years later, he became a pioneer of "antibullying " stuff, and was well known in my home town for it. It amde me so MAD that he let me suffer like that.