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Original poster

Feel like I have to justify why we are sending DD to private school.

149 replies

yummymummy06 · 08/05/2007 20:16

Hi. Well we made the decision to send our DD to private school in september. Just spoke to my friend about it and she made me feel really bad and was questioning me. She said 'it wont make her clever' which I know it wont but I explained she will have alot more oportunities to do extra activities and be pushed that bit more further in school. Plus she was saying about all the extras, lunch, milk uniform etc is alot on top. Yes I will be driving 25 minutes there, 4 trips a day but that is the decision we have made as we are not happy with the local school. Does anyone else feel like they have to justify themselves about sending their children to private school? I didn't really know what to say to her.

OP posts:
Original poster
yummymummy06 · 08/05/2007 23:04

Thanks recyclingnazi!

OP posts:
recyclingnazi · 08/05/2007 23:35

Oh and good luck yummymummy06. i'm sure your Dd will be happy and there will be some nice friendly mums too.

There's some lovely ones at our school.

Interestingly, there are a lot of "ordinary" parents who obviously struggle to pay the fees and a few super wealthy ones who don't . . . but the parents from both ends of the spectrum are usually the nicest and most down to earth.

then there's the "wannabes" who wear all the "right' labels, drive the flashest cars, go on the swankiest holidays . . this lot are often a total nightmare!

ooo- maybe I should change my name to "private school anthropologist"

ChocolateFace · 08/05/2007 23:43

It can work the other way around aswell. Some people were puzzled when I decided to send DS1 to a state shool. (He was an only child then) But I truly believe it was the best school for him in the area.

jampot · 08/05/2007 23:48

my children dont go to private school but only because they go to very good state schools. If not they would be sent off to private and i would have to go to work - you do not have to justify your choice.

recyclingnazi · 08/05/2007 23:49

Yes, i can see that chocolateface.

I think we all try to make the right decisions but sometimes people are quite challenging about them!

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 09/05/2007 10:01

LOL at "looks very leftie"

What does a woman who looks very leftie look like? Does she wear a beret with a star in it and a Che Guevara T-shirt?

recyclingnazi · 09/05/2007 10:16

He, he! Giantsquirrelspotter.

She's got that short haircut/dangly earrings combo that often comes with an earnest face from worrying about if the cup of coffee she's drinking at a local fete has been ethically traded.

I have also seen piles of the Guardian in her recycling box

Judy1234 · 09/05/2007 10:26

No, but that's just because everyone I know uses private schools. It would be weird to find someone using a state school. Just depends who your friends are and the kinds of people you know.

dinny · 09/05/2007 10:27

God, really would love dd to go to private school esp now she is having difficulty with her reading at state school - class of 27, not much attention.

Loshad · 09/05/2007 10:30

Ds1 started school when we lived in another village, school there was pretty bad, and all the parents complained incessantly about it. We sent him private, I never once went on about improved faciltites or anything else, in fact i never raised the subject of schools at all, but there were numerous people who though it was fine to start hectoring me on sending him elsewhere. It left me in an impossible position, i couldn't advance the benefits of the private school without by implication denegrading the village school, so i just had to keep quiet about it, and mention about it being comvenient for work.
I would never pass comment on someone's choice of school, but once you start paying the world and his wife seem to think they have the right to pass judgement on you.

nogoes · 09/05/2007 10:32

We can't afford private school and I am not sure we would send ds even if we could because our local schools are fine. Where you send your child is your business and nothing to do with your friend. If people expect you to justify your decision they have the problem not you.

Lilymaid · 09/05/2007 10:34

I agree with Nogoes. It isn't for your friend to make value judgements about the way you choose to educate your DD. My DSs have been educated in both state and independent schools and I have never had any "friends" commenting to me on our choices. What they may say when I'm not around is, of course, up to them.

LIZS · 09/05/2007 10:39

I did feel the need to justify it intially, particularly because we lived a fair distance away from the school in question and ok local schools were within an easy walk. However we are certain for ds we made the right choice as he is happy and thriving and dd has fitted in well.

We have now moved much closer and although the state schools ours would now be eligible for are fine we are nearer the one they already attend. Now most of our friends' kids attend the same one (your social circle may well alter) and you may find that this so-called friend's opinion becomes less important to you.

twentypence · 09/05/2007 10:41

My mother has had the most extreme response to me going to a Private school open day. Reading between the lines I think she sees it as a criticism of her and dad sending me to state school. Which it isn't - they went to great lengths to get me in the most suitable schools they could.

If anyone says anything (should we proceed) I will probably just say that they have a registered nurse on site and a total ban on sweets(ds has allergies that would totally phase most schools).

hertsnessex · 09/05/2007 10:51

i am looking into this at the moment. ds1 will go to school from next september, so i am searching around for schools and chking out fees. can i ask what is the going rate, some i have found vary soooooooo much from 1500-3000 for a term.

thanks

sorry for the hijack!

cx

LIZS · 09/05/2007 11:13

For Reception ours was definitely under 2k a term plus we got a rebate from the LEA Nursery Grant until the term after they turned 5 (about £430 per term) which as dd is August born was for all 3

apeainapod · 09/05/2007 11:15

Jealousy?

We have just enrolled 3 of ours into private school and have so far had the same reaction!

Hope you manage to help your friend to 'understand'. Not that it is actually any of her business.

kookaburra · 09/05/2007 11:28

Agree that you don't have to justify. However we all talk about schools and which one to choose etc, so I would just reply lightly that its the best school for DD. As she doesn't know DD as well as you do, she can hardly argue against that. If she want to know more, then its up to her to ask, but don't feel you have to be defensive, or give her any more info about DD.
Like chocolate-face (love the name!)we trend to get asked why our DC are in state primary when we intend them to go to private secondary - same answer.

duchesse · 09/05/2007 11:53

I have to say that our neighbours, who are the most lovely (Guardian reading) types, asked some fairly arch questions about why we were not sending our three to the local schools.

Now that the husband has started teaching our youngest the French horn, he has realised the problem we have, and understands totally why she needs the extra stimulation of being able to do several languages and Latin on top of basic reading, riting and rithmetic. Even they have accepted our decision.

It is financially crippling on a family income of 40,000 a year, and I would love not to have to do it, both for that reason and for ethical reasons. If our local schools were aiming anything like high enough in an organised enough way, I would put mine in there in a flash. While schools continue to think it acceptable for non-specialist teachers to teach subjects (languages, maths, sciences) in a disjointed and modular way, we will not be subjecting our children to that system.

Twiglett · 09/05/2007 11:54

I am sorry to change the subject but I have to say .. don't you think the name 'recyclingnazi' could be a little offensive? Because I do, I don't think the word 'nazi' should be co-opted to become anything other than a root of evil .. It is not up to me, but I do wish you'd rethink it.

Thanks

ArcticRoll · 09/05/2007 11:56

I am proud to admit to the fact that I am a Guardianista and yes I do judge people who send their dc to private schools!

recyclingnazi · 09/05/2007 12:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Twiglett · 09/05/2007 12:08

.. not as poor taste as that comment actually

recyclingnazi · 09/05/2007 12:09

Bye now!
Never to be seen again!

Judy1234 · 09/05/2007 12:30

My brother whose oldest just got a place at their first choice private school from Sept has found their friends dividing into two camps. It's also illustrating some differences in income which weren't apparent before too more than political issues.

I thik because I was having children in my early 20s and paying private school fees in my 20s I just never was with people my age/my friends who had children at all - I was nearly 15 years ahead in a sense so it was not an issue. I never considered not paying as I went to private schools only.

It's a stupid argument anyway. It would be the same as saying - you are wrong to read to your child in bed every night as some children watch TV for 10 hours a day so to make things fair let us bring them all down to the same level etc.

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