Feel like I have to justify why we are sending DD to private school.

[yummymummy06]

Hi. Well we made the decision to send our DD to private school in september. Just spoke to my friend about it and she made me feel really bad and was questioning me. She said 'it wont make her clever' which I know it wont but I explained she will have alot more oportunities to do extra activities and be pushed that bit more further in school. Plus she was saying about all the extras, lunch, milk uniform etc is alot on top. Yes I will be driving 25 minutes there, 4 trips a day but that is the decision we have made as we are not happy with the local school. Does anyone else feel like they have to justify themselves about sending their children to private school? I didn't really know what to say to her.

Except that ten hours of tv a day is demonstrably noxious, and reading to them at night is demonstrably beneficial on many levels, whereas the differences are completely blurred in the schools issue.

I am a school whore- I will send my children to whichever system is the best option for them at the time. I refuse to develop any firm principle that will compromise their wellbeing about where is best for them, and I really don't believe that many parents would.

Our children have attended both state and private schools, and we have in the past pulled them from schools of both kinds when it became clear that we and the school had incompatible differences.

Xenia, I don't think you put your argument too well there. Privete school = bed time stories, stater school = 10 hours TV a day? I think not. Maybe were very, very lucky to have been able to send our DS to a great state schools. How many heads of private schools, would phone a parent mid morning to ask how he behaved going to bed last night, and how happy was he to come into school this morning, like my DS's head did today?

CF, that wasn't hat I was trying to say.

I was saying there are things we do for our children which might be healthy organic food and regular meals or lots of stories or talking to them or getting them to have a lot of exercise or living in a healthy spacious house rather htan one room or paying fora private school and all those things are giving them an advantage, helping them over other children, pushign them ahead and parents who do those aren't criticised but those who pay fees sometimes are. It illustrates how wrong it is morally to criticise parents who pay because all they are doing is the equivalent of giving their children the best. It's no different from feeding them fish over burgers or rice over chips.

d, the case for private schooling is demostrably proven all over the place. It's why 47% of parents would send children there if they could afford it (about 6% do) and children at private schools in general do so much better on virtually every indicator (except perhaps for adoption of a regional accent if you see that as an advantage I suppose).

Hmmm. Well, it isn't particularly contraversial here on my road. None of the secondary school children who live on our road go to the local state sec school. They ALL went to the local state primary which is excellent. The state secondary that is our catchment is appalling - under 20% of the children come out with 5 GCSEs. Now some of you may argue that we should all send them to the local sec school and that would bring the standard up maybe. But who wants their children to be the guinea pig?

I feel sad about it because I actually am socialist and don't really approve. But if the State isn't providing a good level of education for my children....

ChocolateFace, I'm afraid that I don't think that the state sector has any monopoly on good head teachers, nor ones who are involved with their pupils!? If anything there have been accusation on here that private school heads and teachers spend too much time interacting with parents (not my complaint, but it has been said).

I went to both state and private schools, and I refuse to believe all private schools are so much better than all state schools.

What you get in private schools more than in state schools these days is a lot more parental choice and influence.

If for example you have a child with little academic potential but plenty of common sense and outdoorsyness (defo not a word), then there are private schools that can cater for such a child, whom I fear would sink without trace in the state system. I know that there are a few such schools in the state sector, but you might have to move to North Wales to get to one.

If you have a child with a lot of sports potential, there are very few state schools that can enable them to carry that skill very far.

d, I agree. My ex husband has taught in both sectors. He always thought it was the children who struggled who got most out of private schools. The very bright tend to do well anywhere. Same with special needs - see Ruth Kelly's example etc.

One of the reasons we have made our decision to send DS's to private school. DS1 has struggled since day 1 and we have watched helplessly as things have got worse. I am hoping that at least if I am paying for his education someone will have to be accountable for his learning.

Thanks for that Xenia, I'll leave bright but lazy DS in the state system for now.

Xenia I'm not sure your comment about SEN is always true - some private schools are better at addressing it than others just as in the state system while state schools have a more direct link with NHS funded therapists and support.

Anyway what happened to the OP ?

duchesse, I agree with you about sports. I do wish state schools placed as much emphasis on inter school mathces as private schools. There are two private schools in our town. One does wonders with less able children. The other is very musical. Neither of these schools would have been right for my DS.
How easy is it to get access to an ed psych in the private sector? My DS's head reckons if DS had been in a private school, he'd have been shown the door by now, due to his 'wilfulness'.

We have good enough state schools locally and I am very happy that they will be educated in the community.

Would be very sad if we had to consider going private, whether or not we could afford it, as i strongly believe that my local schools will benefit from having DC as pupils and me as committed middle class parent .

Whether or not I would go private is a question that I can not answer as although it would go against all my principles I obviously want the best for my kids.

My feeling is that if you have opted to go private the NHS sidelines you a bit, almost in the hope that you pay to have assessments etc privately in the meantime. I have heard of it being suggested that children may be better suited to other schools due to specific difficulties, and as there are private schools which specialise in conditions such as dyslexia there may be an element of truth in it. However perhaps in some schools the importance of the number of awards and success with secondary school applications may override an inclusive polciy .

If questioned, just say "it's the right decision for us" and leave it at that.

Your decision won't go down well with everyone so just get used to it!

Odd comment for a head to make imo ChocolateFace, unless wilful is code for bully. I suspect that ds1 would have had a label in a state school by now in terms of stubborn and moody behaviour. At his school an ed psych referral has been discussed, but at present the school are happy that we needn't proceed down that road yet. We have arranged a daily feedback system at morning and evening handovers with rewards. The school does have 2 staff dedicated to SEN though at present these seem to spend their time with the children who need to catch up - at least they don't seem to be with ds1 who is happily coasting, but he would be doing more extension work if he gets over his dislike of picking up a pencil. If there isn't real progress with ds2 by midway through the Autumn term , then an ed psych may be called in (at our expense I believe- oh joy!), and apparently will work with us and the school. I think that some of the academic secondary schools are very keen to use ed psychs though, in order to identify any learning issues at all that should be addressed.

There are a number of boys with challenging behaviour issues as well as other issues eg English not spoken at home. A Year 2 boy was suspended last term but that was to stop thuggery rather than learning difficulties.

But the school is good at general interaction. Eg ds2 (who won't start there until reception) got a sticker from the head this morning as it was his (ie ds2's) birthday. Later on the principal stopped to wish him happy birthday and also told him of the other staff and boys whose birthday it was. Thankfully they don't just talk to me when it is bad news!

The one thing to remember though with private schools is that parents will and do walk if they're not happy - usually more quickly than at state schools. One of the local preps has gone from 2 form entry to one term entry just because of a change in head last year which has triggered a lack of confidence. Private schools aren't always better than state schools by any means, but usually crap ones close down faster than state ones.

Ladymuck - Ds isn't a bully, but when he decides he's not going to to something he just doesn't do it! - And no one can make him.

That was a great post Ladymuck - thankyou.

Sounds as if our ds's could be similar then. FWIW I chose this school because we anticipated that we might have issues along these lines and we felt that this school would be best able to deal with them. I just wish they could have done so with a magic wand, but heigh ho! Must now go and award some stickers...

Kaz why is it against your principles? That is what I am interested in.

On special needs yes it depends on the school. Some private schools specifically for dyslexic pupils have some of the best provision. Some I think the Ruth Kelly one only take clever dyslexics, others are different.

Hi everyone. Thanks for all your replies, didn't mean to cause such a debate! I feel happy with out decision and it is the best for our child and that is all I need to say when people ask! I just hope I meet some nice people there as I am only 25 and feel people will judge me but im sure there will be nice people there!! Thanks.

I get really, really hacked off with the "you're only jealous" arguement AND the "we're only doing what's best for our child" argument. It so happens that we could afford to send our two to private school, but we have chosen instead to send them to the perfectly adequate local state primary. It's not brilliant, but our children are doing well and, which is more important, in my opinion, are learning to mix with a wide variety of people from all backgrounds. They are existing in something which apporaches a microcosm of the real world, not in a privileged bubble. There is far more to education than academic success. And, for the record, our primary has wrap-round care (8 til 6) for those that need it, 14 different after school clubs, an excellent library and and they learn French. Not Latin, admittedly. If people want to send their children to private school that's their prerogative. But I have a right to think that they are wrong to do it, without being told either that I am jealous or that I don't have high hopes and expectations for my children.

Katelyle - great to know that you're happy with your school, and I agree with you that academic success isn't everything. But I haven't understood why you think that I'm wrong to send the dcs to a private school? Is it just the social mix aspect?