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Education

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Original poster

Feel like I have to justify why we are sending DD to private school.

149 replies

yummymummy06 · 08/05/2007 20:16

Hi. Well we made the decision to send our DD to private school in september. Just spoke to my friend about it and she made me feel really bad and was questioning me. She said 'it wont make her clever' which I know it wont but I explained she will have alot more oportunities to do extra activities and be pushed that bit more further in school. Plus she was saying about all the extras, lunch, milk uniform etc is alot on top. Yes I will be driving 25 minutes there, 4 trips a day but that is the decision we have made as we are not happy with the local school. Does anyone else feel like they have to justify themselves about sending their children to private school? I didn't really know what to say to her.

OP posts:

penmack · 08/05/2007 20:58

twiglett i think having parnets support a school is essential. if your local state isnt as good as you hoped try and do something about , get involved

NKF · 08/05/2007 20:59

It is true that whatever you do, you're likely to hear some sort of disapproval. Imagine how annoying it is for people who can't afford private school to be told that someone felt they just had to go private because they only wanted what was best for their children. Thereby implying that anyone who does differently only wants the worst.

penmack · 08/05/2007 20:59

(thats parents not parnets)

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 08/05/2007 21:00

No penmack it's not.

It's unusual, but I know socialists who've done it. Their explanation (not justification because they don't give a shit what anyone else thinks) is that it's not their little Vladimir/ Rosa's fault that they live in a society which refuses to educate the working class, and s/he's not going to be disadvantaged by it because not being educated doesn't help the revolution one jot.

You can agree or disagree, but it's a perfectly rational explanation.

niceglasses · 08/05/2007 21:02

I wouldn't say you have to justify it. I'm not sure saying people are 'jealous' though is the best idea ever.

gegs73 · 08/05/2007 21:07

Good for you. I'm sure alot more people would choose to send their child private if they had the money to do so. Also completely agree with what someone else said that alot of people adamant that state schools are best live close to a decent one! Do what is best for your dd and ignore all those who think they know her better than you!

fortyplus · 08/05/2007 21:10

I wouldn't send my children to private schools, but we're lucky enough to have good state schools locally. If that wasn't the case then I would sacrifice my principles for the sake of my children's education.

This is such a personal matter that I think it's rather rude of anyone to question your decision. You are doing what you feel is best for your child.

I do wonder whether you would feel as sensitive about your friend's comments if she questioned your choice of an expensive holiday destination?

Education is quite rightly an emotive subject - your friend may simply be jealous.

aintnomountainhighenough · 08/05/2007 21:17

YM06 we are in exactly the same position as you regarding schools, we also live in a small village. We started looking at private schools last year and just started talking to our friends about it and I was very shocked at peoples reaction i.e. how negative they were. I suppose it is because if someone said to me that they were sending their children privately I would think and say 'thats great, good for you' and mean it. My DH and I have talked and thought long and hard about it and have made the decision to send our DD privately. I know that when we tell people we are going to get many many negative comments, however I won't be justifying myself because I don't feel I need to (I used to feel I had to though). I agree with other posters it is a private decision and is no-one elses business. If we do lose friends over it well they weren't really friends were they....

SparklePrincess · 08/05/2007 21:17

Im sure your friend is just jealous. I know I would be if a friend of mine told me they were sending their child to private school (& it seems to happen quite often at our school) but I would also be happy for them & not make unhelpful remarks.

dinny · 08/05/2007 21:18

yeah, total jealousy. most people I know would send their kids privately if they could afford it. good luck with it all!

duchesse · 08/05/2007 21:18

I wish we didn't have to. We'd be a lot more solvent if I had any confidence in the local schools.

Not many of us would choose to spend this sort of money if we didn't feel it were necessary. I agree wholeheartedly with what one of the early posters said about others perceiving it as a slight on their choices.

Ultimately, it's not about them, their children or anybody else but you, your husband and your children.

GiantSquirrelSpotter · 08/05/2007 21:19

I think you'd probably be more likely to be accepting of someone's decision, if it were a decision that was open to you and you'd rejected it because you felt it was unnecessary for whatever reason. If it were a decision that wasn't available to you, then perhaps you're more likely to be resentful of it.

ScummyMummy · 08/05/2007 21:20

It's not necessarily jealousy. Sorry she made you feel bad though, ym06.

duchesse · 08/05/2007 21:21

Also agree with people who believe that all state schools are good because they happen to live next door to one. My sister in law's local is Fortismere Green in Muswell Hill, full of media kids and very middle class children, and it gets good results. She can be as uppity as she likes about our decisions, that does not change the quality of our rather different local comprehensive.

NKF · 08/05/2007 21:22

It works the other way. A friend of mine was flabbergasted during a conversation with a mother of one of her son's friends. Friend was sending son to state secondary after state primary. Mother of son's friend was sending son's friend to private school. Her response? "Oh dear, that's such a shame. They won't be able to be friends any more."

I'm sure she meant it would be less practical for them to meet up but the simple and polite thing would have been to say: "I do hope they'll stay friends. They get on so well."

littlelapin · 08/05/2007 21:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Twiglett · 08/05/2007 21:24

I actually think its rather insulting to call it jealousy as though private schooling was the pinnacle of everybody's desire - it simply isn't

there are many advantages in my opinion to our decision to send our children to our local state school over local private - social, ethical, academic, experiential

are you jealous of me then .. or is it just the money / impression of privilege that you believe people can be jealous about

well really

NKF · 08/05/2007 21:24

I'd say her remark wasn't really worth fretting over.

dinny · 08/05/2007 21:26

it's the resources private schools have, Twiglett, IMO - fantastic sports facilities, on the whole, smaller class sizes, bigger libraries, more after school clubs offered....

roisin · 08/05/2007 21:27

I think it's about being sensitive, and sometimes you have to agree not to discuss topics - e.g. education - with some people.

A friend of mine chose to home-ed her children: I had no problem with that - it wasn't my choice, but I respected hers. But she used to go on and on about her reasons for it, and why she wouldn't want her children to go to the state school, be exposed to x, y, z and all the rest of it.

I actually found that quite insulting to me as someone who had chosen to put their children in state education.

My boys will be going to independent school for secondary, but I will choose my words carefully to explain our decision; and I certainly won't be discussing it with anybody.

UnquietDad · 08/05/2007 21:30

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

NKF · 08/05/2007 21:34

Or they can't help feeling irritated by the phrase "only want what's best". Because it's more than just wanting the best, it's being in a position to afford it.

Blu · 08/05/2007 21:42

What Twig and Scummy said.

Original poster

yummymummy06 · 08/05/2007 22:53

Dinny, I agree with you. Imo some people just don't look into schools properly and just send their children to the local state for ease of life. I know our school down the road isn't brilliant as I have thoroughly looked into it. Most of you on my side are right, I don't have to justify myself to anyone, I think I will just be careful who I tell. We are all different and have different views! Hope I haven't offended anyone,

OP posts:

recyclingnazi · 08/05/2007 22:59

A woman I know only vaguely (looks very leftie!) commented when she saw Ds in local prep school uniform. "Oh, that's a very expensive school isn't it? I've always found the local primary very good. You're mad, you are." to which I replied (airly)" Yes, probably . . " and wandered off.

3 years on, I'm still quite pleased with my response.

and I'm very ordinary.

Now don't get me started on the pushy and greedy parents at DS's school!

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