Putting my child in a private school

[DaisyRaine90]

Can’t be the only one who started their child in state school and had such a bad experience dealing with the head teacher that we’re putting her in private instead? I wish I’d never put her in state school at all 😔 Grew up on socialism, but damn these schools are so bad. I already moved her from state to private nursery last year and it’s happening all over again x

No matter how often you try to change what you said in your OP when you slagged off state schools, you can't. We can all read it.

“Do the head teacher a favour” 😂 really? Because it’s better to be a parent who never engages with their child’s education and raises concerns with them?

All parents are nuts, frankly. I’d rather be called that for trying to do my best by them 🙄 than for not giving a hoot

Sorry to hear that ankleswingers it’s a really hard decision to make (never taken lightly). So I really hope your child is happier in their new setting x

You are being absolutely ridiculous here OP. She is 4. She is new to the school, UK reception use play as part of the curriculum. And pretty much every child gets described as like a sponge at that age, fwiw.

I'm seeing snippets of the rudeness you must have shown to the HT on this thread and I'm delighted they put you back in your box. There is raising concerns, and then there is being completely out of touch with standard school teaching and refusing to accept correction. You are not a concerned parent, you are that parent.

And as for safety concerns, a school can't (or shouldn't, anyway) discuss other children with you. They can talk about what they do with your child to keep them safe, but other children shouldn't be covered. Now if they were shutting you down on how to keep your daughter safe, that's unreasonable of them.

It's reception, it's not unknown for them to hit one another. It's not good behaviour by any means but it's not unusual when working with young children (who may have special needs). It can take time to crack that.

The head teacher would not have thought I was rude at al considering she would not let me speak at all. 🙄 Literally bulldozed me.

I never asked them information regarding another child. I asked what their procedures were in general and asked whether they could keep my child safe.

You politely asked them about the procedures for keeping children safe and the head teacher "literally bulldozed" you?

Why would she have done that, do you think?

I don’t know it happens to me a lot that people don’t listen to me unless I shout. Frustrating 😞

OP do let us know how you get on with the staff at whatever marvellous private school you end up in!

If you often find the same problem with other people, they aren't the real problem. You and something you are doing are.

My youngest is in year 3 at a prep school. He does nothing all day, he doesn't play with anyone and there wasn't any lunch.

I have a sneaking suspicion that none of that is true. Fair enough you're not happy with the school but do perhaps take what your 4 year old says with a pinch of salt.

I call BS. There is no way you can be that unaware if your own failings surely.

The EYFS framework is there for a reason. It works. It has been around in one form or another for nearly 40 years. A private school will teach her in exactly the same way as she is being taught now.

My dd is the youngest in her reception class, she has been able to. Sound out letters and sight read certain words for about a year. She is thriving at school and honestly I campaigned hard to not have to send her to where the council placed her as it has an awful reputation.

Instead of telling the head they are doing a shit job why not offer your time to help out by hearing kids read if you such an expert?

Sorry I don't buy it

I don’t know why it’s so inconceivable that a HT could treat parents badly. They are people. People do try and bulldoze me. I try being polite and they interrupt me, talk over me and refuse to let me get a word in edge ways. I think because I am small and young looking people treat me like an ignorant teenager and not like the grown woman I am. I don’t expect to be spoken to like a child just because I am talking to a teacher though. Or by anybody else. I won’t be bullied out of asking questions when it regards my child’s safety.

The teacher told me at parents evening they don’t “have time” to teach them the curriculum so we at home need to support them by doing daily homework with them. As I said I never got to raise this with the HT. She interrupted me repeatedly, then tried to do the same to my partner who interrupted her back and she then terminated the meeting because “she wouldn’t be interrupted when she was speaking.” Very rude woman.

That’s the issue. I don’t have time to teach my child everything, that’s why she goes to school. Otherwise I would be a SAHM. So I don’t have time to volunteer either. I never said I was an expert, but that doesn’t mean I can’t have expectations of those who are.

Ok, you do need to understand that you need to listen to your DD read and challange her at home. All parents are expected to do this and it will not be done in school every day. If there are too many children who are not ready for school, then time can be taken to settle them in every day and I agree that this is very annoying.

My DD was in a class of 66 in one large (hen and chickens) room with 2 small work rooms for YR at age 4, with two teachers, and she could read really well by the end of YR. That was before she was 5 as she is an August birthday. She was not the best either. Everyone must read every night with their children. You can get books out of the libarary that are a bit more challenging and see if she can read bits of them. Get going on it yourself. Reading to her is vital and include poetry books and nursery rhymes. A breadth of books is good so don't just stick to boring school ones. Open up the world of books to her if she wants to learn.

Our school certainly pushed brighter children (3 got places at Oxbridge subsequently, and 4 got full marks in the Bucks 11 plus system). Mine did not play excessively YR and she did not want to either. They spent a lot of time learning by doing activities, which is different. For example, measuring, weighing, counting, adding etc, writing practice, library once a week, changing reading books 2/3times a week, learning lines for an assembly to which parents were invited, being part of a Christmas play, art, music, and lots more. It was a very busy YR but not play as I would see it. We also had excellent teachers and this is key. Poor teachers are poor wherever they teach.

So, maybe you are in the wrong school but I would do a lot more yourself. Lots of parents did this and that's why the brightest children could read very early. They also understood what they were reading, were confident and could explain the story back to you and answer questions on it. As you have only just started, you cannot expect her to read already but you can do so much more yourself and build on what she is learning at school.

In addition, the school should have screened her on entry to see what she can do. Did they interview you about what she could do? Do they have accurate information? Schools usually assess progress at the first half term because they have built up a picture of a child by then, so you could ask how well she is doing after that.

I have already had parents evening they told me she is doing well at everything but that they are unable to spend much time with her as they are busy with more challenging children.

I do read with her every day. Every single day. We do learning games, word recognition, letter recognition, maths (she can add and subtract fairly well and do most, least etc.)
I have no issue with this as top up from school, but it should not be a REPLACEMENT.

Nursery worked so much more with her and she was being looked after so much better. I am very disappointed that they are unable to support her learning in that school, and that the HT would not communicate with us properly.

I know private schools are not perfect, as another state school would not be. The option is to keep her in that school, or go private as otherwise she will miss out on more of her education.

I don’t want to have to spend all the time I get with her on homework. Some of it yes, but not all of it. Otherwise when does she learn to swim, play an instrument, ride a bike, do a sport. When does she get to play board games or find bugs in the garden?

I want her to have a childhood. And that means her spending more time in active learning, and less time waiting her turn while the teacher does the job other children’s parents should be doing. It’s frustrating. I genuinely did not realise how many reception children would be unable to blow their own nose, use a fork or even use the toilet.

Maybe my expectations are too high, when schools have become crowd control and box ticking, to expect them to have the time to acutely teach 😔 They are so busy trying to fill monumental gaps in the other children’s parenting to teach mine. & I understand that that is the way that is in parts of the state schooling system now and that either I accept it, or change it.

they told me she is doing well at everything but that they are unable to spend much time with her as they are busy with more challenging children.

I find it hard to believe teacher would say this to you.

Basically, you need to move to the independent school because you are not going to feel able to support this school. Whatever you say, you are negative about state schools in general so you may as well jump to the independent school you have in mind now. I'm not even sure why you are asking on here really, as you are not open to suggestions the school might be fine.

I don't know what type of independent you have available, but it is actually possible you will get more of what you want there. My DS was in a YR class of 8 with an experienced Teacher and TA support. He read individually to an adult every day of KS1 and had a lot of additional support for his writing because it was a bit slow to develop.

However, we were still expected to do stuff with him at home- long spelling tests, reading every day, helping him learn play lines and prepare convoluted tasks for ESB etc. This was set against the fact that he spent a LOT of time playing in school. So maybe not so different to what you are currently experiencing?

It was long days too, 8am to 3.45pm from the start, so he was often exhausted and not up for board games or bug hunting after school. Now in Y3 he's at school 8am- 5pm and Saturdays and there is homework to be done on top that doesn't fit in to prep sessions at school. He has to be there for rugby matches which sometimes means he can't attend training for his chosen sport (which is definitely not rugby). It does feel rather as though school own him and I am just expected to facilitate what they want from him. We don't have much time at all for 'family life' during term time. I'm cool with that- I'm not totally sure you would be?

"I have already had parents evening they told me she is doing well at everything but that they are unable to spend much time with her as they are busy with more challenging children"

I call bollocks. The teacher did not say this.

I think that is the OP's interpretation of whatever was said. Much as the interpretation of the meeting with the Head may be a little inaccurate.

So you’ve had a parents evening in the first 5-6 weeks of a new school year?

If this is the case, I think the teacher would have more time to teach your daughter if she wasn’t having her time being taken up with challenging parents.