Putting my child in a private school

[DaisyRaine90]

Can’t be the only one who started their child in state school and had such a bad experience dealing with the head teacher that we’re putting her in private instead? I wish I’d never put her in state school at all 😔 Grew up on socialism, but damn these schools are so bad. I already moved her from state to private nursery last year and it’s happening all over again x

She is always happy so that irrelevant, but much more so before she started school

That’s * gosh I hate using the IPhone I am not used to the spell check

Yes and obviously there’s a place for “learning the words” as not all words can be read by phonics but you haven’t explained what’s “nonsense” about phonics, ie the means that trained and experienced educators use to teach young children to read

I never said I wanted her to be drilled times tables (though that is one of the few redeeming moments of my state school experience). I just said that she should be pushed to her ability. If she was going to be gifted she’d be there already 😂

I think phonics works for some kids excellently. But what you do with children who learn a different way? And the way they do it at school they learn one new one a WEEK!

But she's four. Play is the work of children.

Maybe have a read of this and the research that it is based on www.cam.ac.uk/research/discussion/school-starting-age-the-evidence.

I know you know your daughter but seriously she’s 4. She’ll learn to read whatever way they teach her. It does take time though. I am not sure what kind of reading prowess you were expecting a few weeks into term?

Just so you know OP, my DS was whacked round the head with a large stick last week at his country prep school utilised by a mix of local landed gentry and expatriated hedge funders. Don't jump to private because you think there will never be an issue like that again.

Oh, and pre-prep was basically a free range chicken farm in terms of learning. Thoroughly play based and most of that play seemed to involve mud and hanging upside down.

I don't think you know education particularly well. I would just stay put as your DD is happy, leave the school to it and re-evaluate at the end of KS1.

She’s actually gone backwards from where she was in nursery. Don’t patronise me I know perfectly well the reasons for play. We all need it, but especially children. That doesn’t mean there’s no place for book learning for a child who is actively seeking it. But mud and fun sounds brilliant too, just so long as no-one laughs in my face when I try to raise any concern we will be fine 😂 & she’s ready for the next stage at 11 or 13 x

My son is in reception and he's my second child so I've seen it all before.

Firstly - your Dd isn't behind because she can't read yet.

In ds's class here is one fluent reader, one self taught fluent reader (which means he can read really well but his unobservant parents didn't notice and so he doesn't know phonics such as "sh", "ch" and "th"), several who are blending the odd word and then a complete range down to a few who don't know any phonics or letters at all.

(Mine is the self taught fluent reader btw - which is how I know this as I've had conversations with his teacher about whether to group him with the fluent reader or the "blenders".)

They do start them off very slow with sounds. If it is the same as ds the. They will be doing "SATPIN" and they do spend a lot of time on each letter. Ds has been "blowing out a candle" (P) for days. But the reason is that once they get these down pat then there is a huge number of words that they can blend. So they will then be blending in groups as well as learning more phonics.

I do understand your concerns about free flow - I remember being very concerned about how Dd would learn to read and write - she was in a free flow of 90 - but she did! They all did! I have no idea how - they have no desks! - but friends also have kids in free flow reception and they all learnt to read and write over the year as well. It is like magic.

Re:- wanting to do learning when she gets home - that's fine - means she is enjoying learning whilst not realising. Some days ds wants to read and read when we get home, some days he wants me to read to him, some days he wants to plays games / toys, most days he wants to watch Thomas the Tank. I just go with it. (Although I do limit Thomas telly watching!)

Re:- violence in the classroom and the school not taking it seriously - that is an issue and I would be concerned about that. Have you been into school and tried to discuss just that with them. (If you turn up with a list and start talking about your dd's aspirations then the real issue -the violence - may get lost in the middle.) I would move my child if there was repeated instances of violence and no proper action taken by school.

However, as other people have said, don't expect perfect behaviour from a private school. Dd goes to tennis lessons and happens to be the only one of 8 there not from a particular local private school. The standard of behaviour from 2 or 3 of the others is really really bad. I was really shocked. (Not least because our current plan is to send Dd and ds to that school at 11!)

It isn't the teachers that concern me in dd's state primary (they're excellent), its the class sizes.

Its inevitable that some activities are required for crowd control rather than development. Everytime its raining during break/lunch, the kids watch CBeebies as there simply aren't the facilities and resources for them to play supervised indoors. Visits to the school library are limited to once a fortnight. Dd has 10 mins one on one reading time with her teacher, once a week. Reading and maths that challenges her is done at home with us.

It inevitable that the teacher (rightly) focuses on the pupils who are lagging behind. Dd spends much of her day in Yr 1 sitting at a table doing worksheets. More able pupils are partnered with less able ones. Dd spends time waiting for her partner to finish work. She would probably benefit from being partnered with someone as or more able.

If I'm honest, if there had been a co-ed private school with small classes and a half decent rep nearby we would have chosen that.

Actually am less worried about state secondary as they stream into smaller groups. Just hope it isn't too late by then.

You're disappointed that your 4 year old child who presumably started school 5-6 weeks ago can't read??????

The only concern I raised with the school was my child’s safety. I had other concerns, but that was what I went in to discuss. I did not go in with a list (though there has been one formulating unfortunately). I barely got to say a word the HT was very condescending and ask bulldozed me every time I tried to speak. She tried to do this to my partner, and he interrupted her (only way to get a word in edge ways) so she terminated the meeting. I asked if we could speak to someone else instead and she refused.

I’m not disappointed she can’t read. I’m frustrated that nobody is helping her to learn and that her progress with it has actually gone backwards. I will be home schooling her for a couple of weeks and hope that she will get back to where she was and start progressing again as she was in nursery.

She is like a “sponge” according to the teacher and really wants to be taught. But they just don’t have the time due to numbers.

They are all like sponges at 4! Have you checked how they teach four year olds at the private school? I doubt they are sitting at their individual desks facing the teacher whilst using their fountain pens to write the alphabet. They will be playing too.

Don’t underestimate the importance of children learning to like going to school. They are in education for so long and need to be happy in school. For me, this is the most important aspect of reception. The reading will come and your support will ensure she will thrive wherever she is.

Find me a 4 year old that isn't a "sponge"!

If your child is ready to learn to read, she will learn to read. I never thought this was a thing until I had my own children, and somehow they learned to read just by playing with words, and also by watching me read a story to them each night.
You are being unfair by setting this up as a state vs. private thing. It isn't. I understand that you want the best for your child, but that means so much more than reading. If she is bored with playing at school(and it does sound like she is from your posts) that is a bigger problem than not being able to read at 4. Children absolutely need to learn to play.

I just want the best for her. It’s so hard to know what that Is. I KNOW they will not be sat at a desk all day, I don’t want her to be. I am so excited for her to be able to be supported to do that, to play. I am a massive advocate for child lead play, however it needs to be in an environment where she is safe and being looked after. I think the numbers are the problem. Class sizes should be restricted to 20 I think. If I could find a state school that could offer that I would be very happy (and I know there are some who have and who’s children thrive as a result).

Of course you just want the best for her OP. Move to private if that’s what you want to do, but maybe don’t go around slagging off state schools (as you did in your OP) based on your experience (which really, honestly doesn’t sound that bad).

I didn’t slag off all state schools at all. I said there are some good ones but not in my area or are oversubscribed. By “these schools” I meant overcrowded state schools not all state schools.

God do the poor headteacher a favour and move school.

One less nutty parent to deal with

We are in the process of trying to move DS aged 6 from one state to another.

If I could go private, I would.