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Private schools (!!!)

143 replies

Anthony71 · 18/03/2016 13:05

First-off, I'm a dad not a mum. I hope that's allowed.

I have become something of an expert at private schooling in the last 12 months having come to know four local private schools intimately. My kids all attended an excellent school that closed due to financial trouble last year. So many people have said to me "it can't have been that good if it had to close" but trust me it was an outstanding school. In fact its closure was really down to the fact that the school could not find a buyer because it was too expensive to buy as it owned all it's own property without mortgage/lease etc. So it was rather a victim of it's own value. (The prospective buyers instead purchased a hugely indebted school just down the road with a low-cost leasehold at a bargain price - I mean it was cheaper to buy that school than it was to buy my house...)

Anyhows, our school closed and my three kids were all effectively "dumped on the street" looking for new schools. My eldest child (DC1) is year 10 so was a GCSE priority - we immediately put DC1 into a supposedly "outstanding" school. My middle child DC2 in year 8 is dyslexic and my youngest DC3 is a bright year 6.

For DC2 we looked at all options - state and private. DC2 was offered bottom-set classes in a number of state schools though each of those schools warned us that the experience would be far removed from what they were used to. We were permitted to covertly observe the relevant classes in those state schools and identified disruptive, aggressive and disinterested children. So these schools were our last resort "back-up-plan".

We took DC2 to three (purportedly non-selective) independent schools for 'taster days'. The feedback from two of these schools was that DC2 was simply "too weak" (exact words) and, in one case, "simply the most academically challenging child we have ever encountered". Trust me, DC2 isn't that bad!

One independent school offered DC2 a place mainly because they need the numbers. Never a good reason to go to a school but families can take advantage of these schools in the circumstances if they are happy to take the risk of the school going-under.

My youngest DC3 went to a supposedly outstanding independent junior school.

The reason for my post? Frankly it boils down to the cynical and farcical way these independent schools are run. My year 10 DC1 has studied triple science quite satisfactorily for months only to be told they was no longer good enough for that in the new school. I objected and have struck a deal where DC1 might possibly study triple science if they can prove themselves in the year 10 exams and that will require me (dad) teaching and supporting her to coach her through those exams (the school will not do any more than they are doing). DC2 has been told they might not be able to do GCSE maths unless they get extra help from home (me again, dad) to get them up-to-speed. Notably, neither of these schools believe that the children are incapable of these exams, more that they won't support them taking the exams unless their results improve markedly.

Anyhow, my observation is that I pay handsomely for these kids to attend these schools, I hold down a full-time job and I now find myself having to teach them myself! I mean there are teachers whose actual job is to teach these kids to get them up-to-speed - they have the time and training to do it (especially in independent schools) yet it falls to me to do it without teacher training and with much less time.

My point is: I have got to know a lot of independent schools through this process - I mean really got to know them. I know how they think, I know how they work and I know what drives them. If we had our time again I would not use independent schools full stop. This is not an extreme reaction to a school closure, and it is not limited to any particular type of school. We are talking about small intimate schools, a huge independent grammar school, a GDST school and a Cognita school. They are all the same. I am a product of state schooling and I would definitely work hard with even the most speculative of state schools before going through this crock of crap again.

OP posts:
guerre · 19/03/2016 17:04

Well, as his wife, you're entitled to defend him, deo.

Sonnet · 19/03/2016 17:08

Interesting post. I'm wondering if you are local to me?
We had an independent school close down very suddenly near us. We have a cognito school, an Indoendent Grammar and a GSDT school too. From my extensive 16 year experience 😄 I would say the Cognito school is a waste of time (posh uniform though!), the GSDT School has a great reputation although can be rigid in its ethos so doesn't suit all girls, the Ind Grammar seems okay. There is another one though in the county which is the best by far.

deouynt2 · 19/03/2016 17:13

guerre I'm thankfully not married to him and not really prepared to defend him either

Primaryteach87 · 19/03/2016 17:22

Feel sorry for the OP. Came on here for a good rant after a set of bad luck with his kid's schools and feeling frustrated...now everyone seems to be wanting to kick him when he's down... Good luck OP. I have no experience personally of independent schools but your experience sounds pants.

guerre · 19/03/2016 17:22

You're not his wife? But you stated elsewhere that you have 3dc, two seconfary one primary, middle one dyslexic, that suffered for years in state sector, that is v happy no moved to private.
How serendipitous that you found this thread.

deouynt2 · 19/03/2016 17:25

yes I do have all those things - indeed three dyslexic children, all now in state school - but, sherlock, you are wrong. How do I prove it to you?! Christ you people really need to take something.

BabyGanoush · 19/03/2016 17:31

I agree with primaryteacher87

guerre · 19/03/2016 17:35

I apologise, deouynt2, it's obviously just a massive coincidence.
What is it Pratchett says? Million to one chance come up nine times out of ten Grin

deouynt2 · 19/03/2016 17:36

np

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 19/03/2016 17:45

What a fucking weird thread. 🤓

hmcAsWas · 19/03/2016 20:47

I agree with deouynt's post : "While he was arrogant and OTT I didn't find his remarks particularly troubling and he seemed to respond quite positively to the bitching. It's this place that is diseased."

Does that make me his wife too? Perhaps he's a bigamist

hmcAsWas · 19/03/2016 20:48

Although I didn't find his remarks arrogant tbh

Bazelle · 20/03/2016 09:20

Did not read the 5 pages of arguing, but our experience of private schools is that
if DC is academic, sporty and social, they are great, but throw in special educational needs and most will let you down and comp state schools have more resources and experience. For not so academic DCs without SEN, the jury is still out as far as I am concerned, super selective amazing private schools are out of reach, so is it better to go to a lower tier independent school, paying an awful lot for ordinary teaching or an outstanding state school, where lower sets have unmotivated potentially disruptive DCs?

LittleBearPad · 20/03/2016 09:33

Ooh I think I know which school it was that closed down. Ignores the rest of the randomness

Grikes · 20/03/2016 23:26

OP I do understand your fustration . Let me assure you not all private or state schools are the same. We were lucky and found a perfect fit for our DD .

Although we have found via a friend that there are quite a few charlatan private schools out there . Some tell you what you want to hear others will not allow you in unless your able to pass the required exam. To make the school look good. If your child is bright and I assume yours are. Then it very disheartening to see them being rejected or being forced to compromise on subject choices. Especially if you are paying fees.

It may not be the best of times for you at the moment but I wish you luck. At least your in a better position than my friend. Who sent their DD overseas to board. Only to find it was a baf school. They can't get into any other selective school. Their daughter can not go back to their good school in HK. The international schools won't take her she is not a foreign national. So she is left with the band 3 (really bad state schools) in HK. I suppose she could go to Harrow...

Londonmum12345 · 20/03/2016 23:41

What does the she could go to Harrow...mean?

WhatTheActualFugg · 20/03/2016 23:43

We're still at the pre-prep stage so don't have any experience of exams and whatnot yet, but we couldn't be more thrilled with our private school. They do everything they can for every child in their care.

On the other hand I know of 2 other local private schools who have told two different families that teaching any nursery aged child to read is "damaging". Hmm Both of those schools very much run things along a straight line IYSWIM and I wouldn't send my children to either of them.

Private schooling isn't a guarantee of quality.

SAHDthatsall · 21/03/2016 07:52

"She could go to Harrow..." ...

To do the cleaning?? Grin

Stillunexpected · 21/03/2016 08:39

I assume Grikes is referring to the international branch of Harrow which is in Hong Kong and co-ed - as the friends she is talking about are based there.

Grikes · 21/03/2016 10:57

Yes if your monied up... its ok

chuilc · 21/03/2016 16:04

I think some of you are being necessarily unkind. If someone wishes to share their experience and frustrations - so be it.

chuilc · 21/03/2016 16:04

Unnecessarily unkind!

jimmyjoejamtoe · 30/03/2016 08:17

I wouldn't chose private schools, no matter how rich I was or "bad" my local schools are. I believe they follow the same logic as doping in sport, and don't want that for my children. They are like a cancer in our society, perpetuating grotesque inequality. Thanks.

PettsWoodParadise · 30/03/2016 08:35

My friend - a staunch labour supporter for years thought that. Then experienced a really atrocious state school. That was proving like a cancer on her son's education. She ended up paying as she couldn't singly handly turn the school round in the time her son was at the school. It is amazing when it is your own child's future principles go out the window. I don't judge people soley by their choices as we don't always have the full picture of the reason behind those choices. I judge them by their actions. My friend still supports her local school by volunteering and doing assisted reading and much more but her conscience also couldn't let her fail her son. I support her in that decision as sadly there are very narrow minded judgmental people about who don't know the full story who are entitled to their opinion but are not entitled to make her life a misery which sometimes the hurtful comments do.

happygardening · 30/03/2016 09:56

jimmy we live in an area with outstanding high achieving state schools with places. But I personally don't like the education that is offered and therefore I choose to pay for what I want.
I dont deny that it's unfair that some people can afford to pay for the education they want for their children whilst others can't.. I can also understand your point that it's like "doping in sport" and I I dont salve my conscience by volunteering at my local school (I'd rather fill my pants with grit). Life is unfair I agree it shouldn't be but it is, principles do go out of the window when it comes to our own children, my DS has benefitted enormously from his expensive education because a lot of what is offered is simply not offered in the state sector (I know my other DS went to one of these outstanding high achieving state schools). I have the money so I might as well use it for something that I think is important.