OP, I’m so sorry to hear you find yourself in such a dilemma. I think I can understand how you’re feeling. My DS boarded at the age of ten. I remember clearly I was in two minds whether to allow him to board or not as we were in the fortunate position literally to choose any school, and I mean any school, in the UK with an almost certain guarantee that he would be accepted. This in addition to two super-selective grammar schools that DS also gained places. So-called ‘good friends’ didn’t help matters either as they tried every trick in the book to put me off boarding.
But I’ve always thought a boy’s got to do what a boy’s got to do. With a heavy heart, I went for full boarding thinking to myself if it didn’t work out, I’d take DS out within a month. My main concern was that DS was very young and absolutely pampered at home and he might find boarding totally disagreeable. No, I didn’t give him any choice as in my heart of heart, I sincerely thought that was the best route for him to take. I knew that by the time he finally comes home to me after all the schooling at prep, senior boarding and university, he would be in his (almost) mid 20’s - an adult!
No, I could not allow myself to be selfish and kept him at home. So full boarding it was. I remember distinctly even when I was driving DS to his prep school on the first day, I was tempted more than once to turn back. But then I remembered the one-month trail period mentioned above and continued the journey all the way to the prep school.
As soon as we reached the prep school, there were two boys much, much smaller than DS waiting to greet us, no doubt arranged by the school. Even before I could get out of the car, one boy offered to take DS’s big and heavy luggage for him into the dormitory. I was absolutely stunned! The luggage must weigh at least twice the weight of this very helpful boy who would be no older than 7 or 8. Any fears or uncertainties/apprehensions etc. literally went out of the (car) window at that instance. Soon, I saw more boys happily running up and down playing amongst themselves - some I guess, so young that it looked to me that they must have just got out of their nappies (diapers in American) not all that long ago. I saw boys aged 6 at the school who came from Thailand and Korea (I spoke with their parents) and they seemed well settled.
Fast forward a dozen or so years, DS now age 23 is back at home but only temporarily after having just finished one of the many electives at a distant district hospital. He hopes to fully qualify as a doctor next year. Before writing this post, I actually asked him to recall his days when he first started prep school i.e. whether he regretted it or not (NO); did I make the right choice for him (ABSOLUTELY) and would he recommend anyone to do the same as he (MOST CERTAINLY).
I am sure your DS will be fine, OP, and I’d just ignore what his prep school says about his speed at doing things etc. I haven’t told you all the negative things they said about my DS in his time. I hope this little story helps and please don’t hesitate to PM me if you need to.