New. At boarding prep school

[Willsoonbesummer]

My 8 year old has just started full boarding at prep school.The feed back has been so negative so far from the school.He is not organised enough etc.Now we feel we have made a mistake and not sure what to do.Any advise from mums who have been through this type of school would be very much appreaciated.

Hi when I applied 3 years back to our local secondary in Sheen (Richmond Borough) we were allocated a school in Twickenham (on the other side of the borough). There are 2 schools in Putney (now academies) but we did not get priority there as not in Wandsworth. Lots of faith schools around but we're not Catholic. I can't complain at all as we were lucky to have the choice to go for independents, but state options certainly seemed complicated and thin on the ground.

Maybe this is a different thread Anyway, I don't know any DC who boarded at 8!

I know someone who went to board at 7. His parents left him with his suitcases - he didn't know that he was going to be staying (for then next 11 years).

My dd wanted to board at 8, for y4.
We said she was too young and had to wait until 14 as that was the age we thought appropriate, giving her 4 years at the school.
She talked us round and went at 11 for y7, she had worked so hard and was determined we had to let her.
There are children of 8 boarding at her school, they are just the same as the others and just as happy.
Maybe in another school they wouldn't be so happy, I don't know.
If the school fits the child I don't think it matters what age they go.

Yes, sorry, v off topic.

My DH weekly boarded from age 8-10 and then from 11 it was full boarding on another continent to the one his parents lived in. He's remarkably normal, considering .

It is not a path either of us would choose for our own kids, however beautiful the school.

My DH also boarded from 7 (which he quite enjoyed, and many of his current closest friends come from that time). He didn't like his next school (also boarding) that much, but that was mainly because he had developed a strong anti-authoritarian streak by then. He emerged unscarred, psychologically speaking.

DS went to the same prep school (now transformed into a much more kindly and happy place) and begged to board from age 8, although probably for the wrong reasons. 'Mummy, if you are a boarder you get cake with white icing every day! We held off until he was 12 though, not least because of financial reasons.

Yes, there are masses of kids at our school from age 7 who board for a night a week because it's like a sleepover with friends and it gives parents babysitting for the day. Many beg to weekly or full board when a bit older because hanging out with friends doing lots of fun activities is much more fun than being nagged to do homework by your parents!

Yes, there are masses of kids at our school from age 7 who board for a night a week because it's like a sleepover with friends and it gives parents babysitting for the day.

Yes amazingly enough lots - even masses- of our children did the same with their friends from age 7 up - they liked an occasional sleepover.

What on earth does that have to do with an 8 year old boarding full time a continent away from his parents?

I boarded full time in the 80's and it wasn't all bad. After a couple of years, once the homesickness fades and the crying stops, your heart goes into lockdown and you can concentrate more fully on throwing yourself into the extracurricular activities like solvent abuse, eating disorders, sexual activity with teachers, self harm, bullying. A few of the children did try to kill themselves but they obviously just weren't made of the right stuff. I'm sure it's all very different now. For starters the duvet covers are cotton not the horrible nylon that we used to be given.

And on leaving boarding school, there's a great chance of getting a job that pays well enough to cover the cost of therapy.

Georgiesgirl

When are parents going to realise the damage they are doing. Very sad to basically abandon your child for the sake of education.

When are parents going to realise the damage they are doing. Very sad to basically abandon your child for the sake of education.

Ha Ha Ha purlllllllease are you for real Velvet

Georgiesgirl
I'm sorry you had a bad experience as many did in years gone by. There are no excuses for the type of treatment that existed for some people at some schools.
Yes, you are right it does seem a lot different now. My dd says it's like being on a permanent sleep over and the children are very close, like siblings in a way. We have found the pastoral care second to none and the school is completely transparent.
Their beds are really comfy, she has tons of fluffy stuff adorning her bed, posters, fairy lights and there are so many teddies between the four girls.

Hi if it's any consolation my ds is a weekly boarder and is now 12 nearly 13 and he is still disorganised but thankfully getting better slowly .... But 8 is really really young Imo.

Not all those things happened to me but I saw them happen. The worst thing for me was the loneliness. Despite being busy and having good friends, I missed my parents and home so desperately. You do learn to hide it but it's always there.
I have an 8 year old now and the very thought of sending him away sends shivers down my spine. I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone would do that.

for you Georgiesgirl. I wrote something supportive to you earlier but it was deleted. I think there's an unwritten rule that you're not allowed to offend the posters on this thread.

thank you kitty

Kitty

I didn't see your posts, but it isn't a case of not offending anyone, I think it's either personal attacks or another breaking of the guidelines.
MNHQ will tell you why your posts were deleted.

Apparently personal attack. I am very concerned about the child in the centre of this thread and the apparent lack of concern for and attention to his emotional needs.

The OP hasn't been back for ages now, I hope she has sorted it.
Perhaps she's over hear sorting it out now, or was here even before half term.
I think she got lots of advice, support and criticism that she could take away with her.

I boarded from 10 years old, DH from 11. did we send ours? no bloody way. I was so so homesick - but understood why I was sent (naval family, frequent moves). DH's parents had no such reason, and his sister (golden child) got to stay at home. After a while you get over the misery, and yes you can make good friends and have fun, but why would you want to put your child through the misery in the first place? Is it character-building, stuff of the empire etc?

How old were you when you went Georgiesgirl?

Apologies if I've overlooked a previous reference to this, but I've been meaning to mention, since first reading this thread, the excellent autobiography 'Stand before your God' by Paul Watkins. The son (IIRC) of a British father and an America mother, he was sent over from the States to prep at The Dragon (aged 7) and then to Eton.

It's a great book, and it was the first thing that entered my mind when I read the OP's first post.

Yes, I've read that book too. IIRC his father takes him to prep school and just disappears without saying goodbye, to avoid a scene .