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New. At boarding prep school

626 replies

Willsoonbesummer · 30/01/2016 12:43

My 8 year old has just started full boarding at prep school.The feed back has been so negative so far from the school.He is not organised enough etc.Now we feel we have made a mistake and not sure what to do.Any advise from mums who have been through this type of school would be very much appreaciated.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 24/02/2016 18:17
Hmm
Summertimeinthecity · 24/02/2016 20:32

How lovely to read this,it really is such a small world where boarding preps are concerned,I hope the OP has seen this.

FlatOnTheHill · 24/02/2016 20:36

Pm1234
You say all of those things and assume its OPs DS ConfusedHmm

Pm1234 · 24/02/2016 21:09

Yes,I'm sure it was him.He was so chatty and engaging.After match teas are a lovely chance to chat to the boys from visiting school.Isn't it great to hear he is getting on so well.He is such a delightful boy.

4whatthatsworth · 24/02/2016 21:23
Hmm
FlatOnTheHill · 24/02/2016 21:54
Hmm
Canyouforgiveher · 24/02/2016 21:56

I'd say it was him. The chances of another american mother from New York actually sending her 8 year old off to boarding school in the UK is phenomenally small.

Londonmumof4 · 24/02/2016 21:57

How lovely,I must say I'm a little envious Pma1234.

Iggi999 · 24/02/2016 22:38

Pm1234 are you on glue?

4whatthatsworth · 24/02/2016 22:55

We can only wish we'd been there! How marvellous for all at the match tea!

Stillunexpected · 24/02/2016 22:58

What are they feeding the parents at match teas these days? Confused

dementedma · 24/02/2016 23:09

My friend was sent to boarding school when he was 7. On his 7 the birthday!!! Told to be a man and deal with it. He went on to have a very high achieving career in the military. He is also completely emotionally constipated and sees any emotion at all as a sign of weakness. I feel sorry for the little boy he once was.

MumTryingHerBest · 24/02/2016 23:10

Londonmumof4 Wed 24-Feb-16 21:57:38 How lovely,I must say I'm a little envious Pma1234.

4whatthatsworth Wed 24-Feb-16 22:55:57 We can only wish we'd been there! How marvellous for all at the match tea!

Is OPs DC a massive celebrity or something?

Were all the other DCs getting selfies with him so they could boast to all their other friends?

Canyouforgiveher · 24/02/2016 23:26

He's probably the only actual american 8 year old boarder that any prep school mums have or will ever encounter. It would be like spotting a white giraffe-there might be two in the vicinity but not likely.

Kind of creepy that a woman who isn't even a schoolfriend's mum is chatting to a boy and thinks she knows what his mother has written about his emotional state. Guess that is the internet for you.

Stillunexpected · 24/02/2016 23:37

He's probably the only actual american 8 year old boarder that any prep school mums have or will ever encounter. - except he is not American? His father and grandparents are British, not sure we established the nationality of his mother? Which makes PM1234's post all the more bizarre. Unless he was wearing a t-shirt with the MN logo on?!

Londonmumof4 · 25/02/2016 01:14

The OP is American from New York and the boy has a British father.His grandparents are in England and the fact he had just started is probably why PM1234 thought it was the OPs little boy.I just think it is so nice to hear he is doing so well,That's what we all wants for our DCs after all.,isn't it?

4whatthatsworth · 25/02/2016 07:40

Pm1234 is winding us all up surely?Grin

MumTryingHerBest · 25/02/2016 07:58

Londonmumof4 can I ask why you are a little envious?

Stating that you are happy for OPs DC or OP that he has settled in so well I can understand, but envious?

Iggi999 · 25/02/2016 08:41

What would a random boy from a different school have to do while serving tea that would "blow them all away"?? Did he put gin in the teapot? Not sure that one's demeanour while serving tea is truly indicative of one's overall happiness, mental health and feelings of security but there you go.

Londonmumof4 · 25/02/2016 09:04

He sounds like such an impressive little boy,although many of the boys at these schools are.Which is why we want to sent our children when they are older.

unicornspoopingrainbows · 25/02/2016 09:14

I went to boarding school at age eight. My sister shortly followed me at five. Independent girls school etc. it was the 90s. We were there until 18.

I don't want to be cruel but please seriously consider taking your child and yourself out of this harmful situation. I also remember frequently sobbing to my mother at the beginning about how unhappy I was and in the end I stopped, simply because I knew she wouldn't listen. This is painful for a child to realise.

This morphed into very unhelpful coping strategies that many of the girls around me were also doing.

It's hard to describe the deep loneliness that being treated like this by your parents can do. Even if logically the child can understand the decision 'why' at eight your emotions can't.

Fact is my parents were not part of my life from a young age. My sister and I do not have a close relationship with my parents at all now and neither of us can emotionally 'forgive' what has happened. My parents of course can't understand because they were giving us a good education. Sometimes other things matter also.

House parents are not there to 'parent' your child in my experience. They are there to just make sure nothing awful happens. The nurturing is totally optional. I had many house parents in this remained consistent throughout.

If this path is really important to you then please consider starting with the boarding when he is older.

I am not being cruel in anyway because clearly you are hurting also

4whatthatsworth · 25/02/2016 09:37

Thankyou for your post Unicorn. To be honest, I was thoroughly enjoying the mad as a brush "OPs son and the match tea scenario", but your thread reminds us that really this is no laughing matter.

The sad thing is that if the parents themselves really don't see how damaging full boarding at 7/8 would be, the child may actually be better off at the boarding school (or no worse off at least).

If that sounds judgemental, then I guess I am.

unicornspoopingrainbows · 25/02/2016 10:02

I should also that I was head girl and all the academic jazz that goes with it. I am sure I was also delightful at match teas etc.

Didn't stop me deliberately harming myself in private from the age of ten though.

Granted not the case for everyone, but one thing being at boarding school teaches you is how to put on a bloody good show.

MumTryingHerBest · 25/02/2016 10:06

Londonmumof4 Thu 25-Feb-16 09:04:46

at these schools are.

And which schools would "these" be. Do you think boarding schools have exclusive rights to impressive 8 year olds?

Which is why we want to sent our children when they are older.

Well I quite understand why you would want your DCs to mix with lots of impressive 8 year olds but is there any reason why they couldn't do the same in a school that doesn't offer boarding facilities?

Summertimeinthecity · 25/02/2016 10:07

I boarded from prep as did the rest of my family.My children are there now.We have a extremely close relationship with our parents.My relationship with my children is very close.It's always very sad to hear when people don't have that but many people who never went have difficult relationships.We knew we were adored by our parents and loved our time at boarding school.

My boys are wonderful to be around and they are thoroughly enjoying school.I couldn't be more proud of them.It seems to me that the thought of the OP's DS being such an impressive boy has upset so many of you.That he may well have now settled in so well has brought out the usual sarcastic remarks.I'm delighted for him and the OP.

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