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Original poster

Getting DS ready for boarding school, what did you do?

229 replies

smilesandsun · 07/08/2015 08:27

Hi,

I'm trying to prepare ds as best as possible for boarding school. Looking for any sweet ideas to make the transition less stressful.

I'm making a little photo book as a surprise. We're talking about it little and often in a very positive way (which it will be).

what else should I do?

OP posts:

happygardening · 26/08/2015 12:10

Your right you don't understand me, which as you've never met me or my family is hardly surprising. Why does lack of understanding have to turn into criticisms and groundless assumptions?
I don't require letters either and l know I'm a good parent, (I should do after all I spend a large part of my working life with those with poor patenting skills and unhappy children). I know my friends and family also believe this because they like your friends and family can see very clearly that our relationship with our children is very strong and that my children are happy and well adjusted. What pisses me off is that a complete stranger can state otherwise I always rise to it (I know my fellow boarding mums I shouldn't), even if the comments are meant to be personal it's inevitable that they will be, and I hate anyone criticising without any direct evidence my children and our relationship with my children and say that boarding creates dysfunctional children/families when they actually know nothing about it just groundless knee jerk opinions and out of date anecdotal rubbish.
I wouldn't mind so much if the anti boarding brigade actually read the comment put on here with an open mind and accepted that perhaps we might know what we're talking about and would meet us half way; ok it's not right for us as a family but I can see it can work for others. It's the preaching implied we love our children more than you do and know better than that you despite what you say intransigence that I find so frustrating.

Amarantine · 26/08/2015 12:20

Clearly we'll just have to agree to disagree. I will never understand a parent actively choosing to live separately from their own child. It would be anathema to me.

But I don't believe my opinions are completely unfounded, as they are based on the experience of having attended a school that had boarders and from my friendships with those boarders.

vixsatis · 26/08/2015 12:23

My child knows full well how much he is loved; and it is not in that respect that I think I can be bettered by paid staff. It also has nothing to do with sport facilities or drama (both available at day schools). It has to do with the fact that sometimes a child benefits from being able to talk to people with a slightly more disinterested perspective and a broader view than can be offered by one family. Parents aren't perfect and boarding provides an opportunity for a child to develop his/her own personality and views. Furthermore, staff have no other demands on their time: during term, their sole function, seven days a week, is to engage with and help educate the child. This is more than can be said for any parent with a job.

What boarding offers is in addition to rather than instead of familial love. Remember, they are only away for just over half the year and, as Gruach says, there is heaps of contact.

IndridCold · 26/08/2015 12:26

Aramantine is like a character from a Posy Simmons cartoon.

happygardening · 26/08/2015 12:27

Well Ararantine as I have a special loathing of speach days and my DS I don't think has been in a play since he was 10 years old I can quite honestly say that's not why I send my children to boarding school.
So you think I'm a "hobby parent" do you ? What a particularly unpleasant thing to say. Are you also unpleasant to others who don't do things the way you do? In all this quality time you have with your DC's are you also encouraging them to be intolerant and unkind to those who you know nothing about and are different from you?
What about parents working 10-12 hours a day, those who travel extensively for their work, with their children being got up and put to bed by nannies, au pairs or grand parents are they hobby parents? If I go on thread about working mums etc I hope to see you comments about hobby patents on there as well. Or do you just reserve you prejudices for parents of boarding school children?
In the quality time I've spent with my DC's which you might be surprised although I doubt interested to know is not all holidays trips to the theatre opera art galleries or restaurants (yes we're lucky in that we can do all those things and pay school fees) we like most families mainly do normal family activities, walking the dogs, eating a meal together, laughing with each other, going to the cinema shopping just flopping around I hope from an early age I've encouraged my DC's to believe that different doesn't have to mean wrong and that we should embrace and celebrate difference. After all we all bring something to the table of life.

vixsatis · 26/08/2015 12:38

happy Anyone who reads what you write on here can tell at a glance that you are an absolutely committed parent

IndridCold · 26/08/2015 12:41

Yes, it is glaringly obvious that all your sweeping generalisations are based on your experience of a handful of girls at one school.

My DS has a few friends (I can think of three) who are troubled, unhappy and have problematic relationships with their parents. None of them have ever boarded, but I don't assume that therefore all children who are forced to spend huge amounts of their time with their parents are damaged in this way, based on this tiny sample.

And I am not going to go on and say that any problems in these cases would be solved if the DCs had boarded either, although it is my opinion that one of the boys would have thrived if he had boarded.

happygardening · 26/08/2015 12:49

Are you sure Indrid I can't tempt you with the "How to look like a normal happy family" hand book?

DarklingJane · 26/08/2015 12:50

Ararantine, If you are still intimately involved with the minutiae of your children's lives as and when they are teenagers, it wouldn't surprise me if they end up begging you to let them go to boarding school .

SnakesRule · 26/08/2015 12:51

Amarantine - I am sure you are the expert in love and its degrees and intensities. I am glad you finally agree that our children ARE better off at boarding schools. However, I supect that you , just like any mother, have doubts about the choices you make for your children.
Yes , love can be different - it can also be selfish, obsessive, needy and a compensation for your own insecurities. Don't fool yoursef that you are a better "lover" of your children then OP or myself or any other boarding school lot.
If you are lucky enough not to work or not work enough that you can be there for your child every day, be there after school, help with homework, do activities, bake cakes, welcome your DC friends etc.....doesn't alone make you a good parent. It doesn't automatically give your DC the best childhood. It might give YOU a sence of purpose but believe me - this is not forever. Your children will grow up and leave - what will you do then?
OP - I hope you stopped reading this thread and found lots of useful things to pack for your DS..

happygardening · 26/08/2015 12:57

Now now Darkling apparently it's essential if you're not to be classified as a "hobby parent" to be intimately involved in every aspect of your child's lives until their 16 and there was me worried about the lack of privacy at boarding schools.

happygardening · 26/08/2015 13:02

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life longing for itself......

You may house their bodies but not their souls
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

IndridCold · 26/08/2015 13:03

That's very thoughtful happy but I think we'll just stick with Eton's handbook 'How to Be A Chap: Techniques for Repressing All Unwanted Emotions' ('you will never whimper in the rhododendrons again' exclaimed one ecstatic reviewer!)

happygardening · 26/08/2015 13:11

I want a copy of that after all as a hobby parent I need to learn to repress my emotions a bit more so that I can really fuck up my children. Im so embarrassed but I'm going to confess to other hobby parent that my DS and walked down the road arm in arm the other day, what am I going to do people might actually think I love him deeply (in an almost primeval way)? Is it available on Amazon can I download it onto my Kindle or just for parents of Etonians?

happygardening · 26/08/2015 13:13

Once I've mastered repressed emotions I think I might train to be a proof reader. I was trying to day my DS and I walked down the road arm in arm

SnakesRule · 26/08/2015 13:14

LOL Indrid. I could do with something similar on how to be a chap's mother who finally finished labelling his pants and is facing a day next week when she "spits on a handkerchief only to find there is nobody around to wipe it on" ....

happygardening · 26/08/2015 13:21

If you're still spiting on a handkerchief to wipe your child's face then thats almost bordering on a child protection issue, your child should be in a boarding school 52 weeks of the year!

DarklingJane · 26/08/2015 13:22

Happy, there's a Wincoll version , exactly the same but they deleted the word "unwanted".

Indrid's Johnny come Latelies are obviously are prepared to countenance some emotions. Wimps.

DarklingJane · 26/08/2015 13:24

Indrid - you're on a roll today.

NewLife4Me · 26/08/2015 13:25

I don't know why I'm reading this thread because it's full of the usual rubbish that people spout about how bad boarding is.

Amarantine
I used to think like you but thankfully I learned how to be a bit more open minded.
What makes you think that parents of boarders don't think the same way as you. For example why do you think we don't love our children as much as you love yours?
Do you have them at home all day? Do they never have a sleepover, visit friends etc. Do you use schools or H.ed as you are so set against not spending time away from them? Do you work and use childcare because I could never have done that to my dc.
You see, everybody is different and children board for all sorts of reasons, never from what I hear because parents don't want them at home.

SnakesRule · 26/08/2015 13:25

Ha HG - that was a figure of speech..
I am sure the matron is very good at spitting....

happygardening · 26/08/2015 13:27

Matrons go on a special course with particular emphasis on reusing the tissue on both pupils and their dogs.

NewLife4Me · 26/08/2015 13:28

Darkling

Hey, don't joke about them begging to board, this is my dd after 3 years of H.ed and being with us mostly 24/7.
It is going to be a different world for all the family and of course those who know the story realise why she is begging, but the fact still remains

NewLife4Me · 26/08/2015 13:29

Ha Ha Ha

DarklingJane · 26/08/2015 13:32

Happy, brilliant. I dried DS's hair with the towel I'd just used to dry the dog when they came in from a walk the other day. But it was OK because I turned it round and used the other side. I am prime Matron material.

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