thinking of sending ds to a private school - advise needed please!!!!!

[jinna]

my ds is 5 and has been in a state school since reception - we are now thinking to send him to a private prep school - the reasoning being that hopefully he will be able to get into a good grammar school later on . This grammar is heavilky oversubscribed and we feel the only way he would be able to get in is if he gets a lot of support. He is doing well at the state school but with more personal attention at the prep school he should progress well.

My husband and myself went to see the prep school and were surprised and the differences in the schools - the class size was smaller and the sports facilities were great - but the atmosphere felt very disciplined and formal - is this the norm for prep schools - we want our DS to do well but don't want him to lose his personality.

Also the prep school has its own curriculum and also have their own inspection - how do you tell if they are teaching to the right standard. We have no experience of private education and independent schools - so please any advise would be great

No Twinkie, because if they are really G&T rather than just "above average" or have just been taught to read and write early by their parents, it shows in other ways.

Thanks Dinosaur - I'm relieve that I'm not that out of date!

150percent - I suspect you're younger than me!

I found your post interesting - what difference would it have made if my parents had "considered other school options"? I could hardly have done any better academically, and I was happy at my school for most of the time I was there.

Lots of kids seem very bright when young and it all evens out later on (apart from the odd few). I don't think they should be treated any differently, I think if they are unhappy at school the issue should be addressed the same as any other kid.

I do think that if your child is exceptionally "gifted" it is a shame to bandy it about esp in front of the child and make them feel different, I wonder how many of the probs they have at school relate to them feeling that they are different in some way.

I have met children who seem fairly average to me in most ways but maybe can read or write early and it makes me cringe when the parents start raving on about it in front of them about how "gifted" they are. Surely it's just development of different skills at different ages.

Have you read "The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time" ks? The narrator (a 15-year old with AS) points out that "Special Needs" has become a term of abuse - that is what other kids shout at their school bus. I know it's fiction, but what you said just reminded me about it.

It was the school that put the G+T tag on my son, to me he was just an exceptionally bright, funny, happy all round special kid, as is any other child to a parent. My son with all his G+T ness has thrived at school until now, they have catered for his education very well, even when he attended a failing school. It is not the standard of education so much as how hard it is for him to fit in with his peers due to his different way of evaluating and reacting to things. Also he is not interested in the same things his peers are, he hates sports, physical contact and machismo.
This is leading to him being excluded at his current school and we need to find him somewhere to learn with more focus on him as an individual.
I have a younger daughter who has a genetic syndrome and will be delayed at everything. I see it from both sides trust me. If my child would thrive in the state system then there he would stay.

why do you all have to throw personal insults at one another? I think it is a tad uneccessary. So what if people send there kids to private school, its their choice. If their kids are being bullied and this is the only option for them to fit in and they can afford it, why not?

Dino
My son has just read that and so have I
FAB u lous book

and even if they can't afford it but do it anyway

do you think g and t is the same as SN? I don't really. Mainly because g and t need guidance, or direction to be streched (maybe - some very very able people I know did that by themsleves anyway without any tuition type help-such as the friend I had who was a word expert on water beetles (!) by the time he was 15). He was at a rough school, probably was bullied but seems a happy enough adult- top first in his year from Oxford- and got there without any special labelling.

Anyway I digress - no the difference I think between g and t and SN is that g and t need encouragement SN have to be taught in order to overcome their difficulties. No amount of encouragement will give my son langauge, but a lot of one on one has given him nouns and hopefully he'll acquire more language in the same way.

I would assume other SN such as dyslexia are similar- they need teaching to overcome reading difficulties, not encouragement.

agree

kiwisbird does make a good point. Any child - for whatever reason can struggle at school to reach their potential whatever the reason. Surely then we just swap schools, add tutoring whatever.

We've sent a fortune trying to teach ds1 langauge - still are- easily equivalent to private school fees. If he was miserable at his state school because he was bullied for being bright or whatever, and we could afford it - of course we'd move him. I can't believe that would be controversial. I don't find that a strange thing to do at all.

I must say IME it does not 'all even out', even ignoring the hot G&T topic, within the normal ranges of ability the gaps between the children in a class get wider, not narrower.

DS2 (3) is certainly G&T. he can strip down to his pants in a pub restaurant and shout "I'm being Tarzan!" in a split second. Not sure how this can be nurtured in school though...

thanks for that roisin I will sleep easier tonight

don't fio2- don't even think about age 8! Don't think about next month. Always look back (although not too babyhood!) Never look forward, or you will go mad!

Dinosaur, I'm not necessarily thinking of you in particular - I would just worry that a child is forced to conform to a social "norm" in order to avoid being bullied for being bright. If you were happy, then great, but presumably not all children are so adaptable. What about the bright children who don't want to drink or smoke or party, would they have been so happy at school? Surely not all children want to do the trendy social thing - shouldn't we encourage the independent thinkers without setting them up for ridicule/bullying?

I guess regardless of my childrens' academic ability I do hope that wherever they are schooled, they can become themselves and be happy in that.

I know

jimjams!

Soupdragon, have you considered stage school?

just got to the original question

jina - jeremy vine on radio 2 had an experiment a few months ago where a state and private school pupil swapped places. Both girls were 10 I think, and friends. And both agreed that the STATE school was stricter and was teaching harder maths. But the private school had better facilities.

I would look around and go for whatever feels right for your son

I apologise if I upset anyone by suggesting that they were jealous - it was childish. Sorry MNers.

But there is an "interesting" attitude to bright people or to people who achieve in general in this country. "Too clever for your own good" - I mean what's that about?

In response to the original query, I'd say do whatever feels right for your son. After all you are the person who knows him best.