thinking of sending ds to a private school - advise needed please!!!!!

[jinna]

my ds is 5 and has been in a state school since reception - we are now thinking to send him to a private prep school - the reasoning being that hopefully he will be able to get into a good grammar school later on . This grammar is heavilky oversubscribed and we feel the only way he would be able to get in is if he gets a lot of support. He is doing well at the state school but with more personal attention at the prep school he should progress well.

My husband and myself went to see the prep school and were surprised and the differences in the schools - the class size was smaller and the sports facilities were great - but the atmosphere felt very disciplined and formal - is this the norm for prep schools - we want our DS to do well but don't want him to lose his personality.

Also the prep school has its own curriculum and also have their own inspection - how do you tell if they are teaching to the right standard. We have no experience of private education and independent schools - so please any advise would be great

I agree on the 'disciplined and formal' bit hmb. My boys are at a state school, but it is pretty formal, strict and traditional: lots of lining up, lots of 'rules', walking in silence, holding doors open, greeting teachers formally and respectfully, strict uniform policy, etc. This atmosphere is brilliant for my boys, and the structure and rules give them the freedom to flourish and develop their talents and personality within secure boundaries.

Common Entrance is sat at 12/13, "Junior" Entrance (for some independents) or 11+ (grammar) at 10/11. My local prep school delibarately caters for all 3 sets of exams, and discusses the options with parents at age 9/10.

yes if you have themoney pay for the whole lot

grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Sorry that you think that I am a hypocrite coddy. I'll just work my arse off knowing that the parents of the kids I teach despise me shall I? I care about teaching very much and I'm a damn good teacher. The local primary wouldn't have suited either of my kids for very different reasons, and I also need the child care that goes with the private school to enable me to teach the kids that I do.

Hay ho, nice to be appreciated.

And I will be paying for the lot, as I don't want my kids to go to the local comp which is selective (yes I do mean selective) and i don't want my kids to be pushed in the way that I know that school does.

I'm a teacher and ds goes to an excellent state school but would have gone to a private one if not gone in. Same foe dd. It's not all about the standard of teaching. I teach in a state school but could just as easily get a job in a private school. It's not the teachers that make private schools better but smaller class sizes, supportive parents, much better behaved kids, better work ethic amonst the kids ie they want to learn, less paperwork, teacher has more time as not dealing with hundreds of issues not related to the actual teaching etc etc.

I have no problem with state teachers choosing to privately educate their kids.

I also broadly support the principle of grammar/selective state schools, (none here unfortunately). But I do get very annoyed that bright children from deprived backgrounds are being denied the opportunities that grammars are supposed to give them, because it's not a level playing field.

Dh and my dad are both anti-grammar schools, because they were both bright working class kids in grammar school areas, but for different reasons did not have the opportunity to go to the grammar school

so my son is badly behaved ans doent want to learn?

generalisation I think

It is far cheaper to send a child to a private school with morning and after school care than to pay for a chilminder who you also have to pay full time for doing the holidays.

And your comment about hypocracy is??

Spend some time in a state comp Coddy. unfortunately the ones who want to learn dont get a good opportunity. It only takes one disruptivw child in a classroom to make that class unteachable.

I spent 10 years there!

So if you have experience as a teacher then you must know what it's like. If you mean as a pupil this is looking at things very differently.

I haven't met you son, so I couldn't comment. And you have never met me.

I teach children who are wonderful. Keen, motivated to learn and fun to work with. I also have kids who's behaviour would horrify you. Sending my children to private school doesn't mean that they will be educated with little angels. But I must say that the lessons I have watched in my dds school have not been interupted by constant bad behaviour as some of my lessons have been.

What makes state schools different is partly because it is very difficult to deal effectively with trouble makers as it is a very long process to exclude them. I have taught pupils that have been threatening, violent towards staff etc and although the school does its best if the parents dont give a toss then it is very hard. I have seen enough of state secondary schools to know I wouldnt want either of my kids in them.

Actually that's not true, dont know why I said that. The state comp we do want to get ds into is catholic and very selective, if he doesnt get in there then our local choices are unthinkable.

Hmmmm. I have no problem with people paying for an education in a private school. I also don't agree that a state school teacher is a hypocrite for sending their child to a private school. What I don't like is the way that state grammar school places are becoming beyond the reach of bright kids from poorer backgrounds simply because private school kids are being coached in how to pass the entrance exams. Surely this goes against the whole ethos of grammar schools?

We've just decided to apply for a place for our DS in an independent selective school for his secondary education, it is boarding as well which is heartbreaking for me. The only reason we are doing it, is because he does not fit in the mainstream, he is unhappy and bullied and stifled in his creative flow, we have searched high and low for the right school and he may not even get in. It takes a bit of soul searching, I am going against everything I thought I believed in, and only because it is evident that it may be the best choice for our son.
I say go with instinct with a dash of sensible information.
Discipline sometimes allows kids the freedom to worry about other things, as the basics are taken as read. Sometimes the pedantry and pickiness of discipline takes the fun out of education.
It's worth searching for one with the right balance

Agree with you 100% Kiwisbird. Hope your ds is happy in the new school. Tbh sending my kids to private school was not something I had ever considered. Both dh and I went to state comprehensives. I was very badly bullied in school for being clever. In the end I chose to send dd to a school where she could be herself (she is G & T ) without having to hide her abilities. I see this in the school I work in, the brightest kids get picked on, bigtime, by other kids and end up down playing their abilities. I step in whenever I can, but you know that it goes on when the kids are on the school buses etc. I wasn't prepared to do that to dd, and I was fortunate to have the money to send her to her present school.

Ds is a different case. he has had speech and language problems and behavioural issues. He thrives in the small classes and dicipline that the school can offer.

Does it suck that other parents can't afford to do the same as me. Absolutly. Would I send them to a state school if I could. Yes. Do I feel guilty, sometimes. But I'd rather send my kids to their school and do without to do so (and I realise that I am still fortunate to do this). why would it be OK to blow the money on a fancy holiday and wrong to spend the money in my locality, giveing jobs to locals. And the school is also a charity and supports a new state school in London.

ks, our kids have to sign a home school agreement, as do the parents when they enter the school. Does it do any good? No. Our school is reasonably good at getting rid of real trouble makers, but it still takes an age. We can't even give kids ASDT without parental approval. And the parents of the worst kids generaly don't give a toss. Some of them quite like the fact that their kids can make teachers lives hell. It is a case of their kids getting' even' on the school system that punished them as kids.

Yes Hmd we are G+T too...
He did thrive until recently and I refuse to accept that he should be forced to change his sensitive kind nature and be told to basically toughen up! I know from experience what a poor choice of school for an individual can lead to, I am one of lifes disappointments...
I am paying for people to accept and nurture his abilities, I will not apologise for that, except maybe to my bank manager
LOL

jinna -- have you thought about keeping him in the primary school since he's so happy there and letting him have some private tutoring?

dd1 was offered a place an a very selective London day school at 7+ (we didn't tutor her for the tests, as I thought she was too young). In the end we turned it down as we thought it was all a bit over-cooked and very formal.

Since she does get bored in her primary school very mixed ability class, some very low achievers and poor behaviour we found a tutor through Gabbitas which has actually worked out very well for us. She loves the one-to-one attention the tutor gives her, and is able to work with her own interests more than she could in the private school. Also I was a bit worried about becoming a bit precious by being with lots of other hyperarticulate middle class kids like herself, and I think staying with the very mixed bunch in her primary class will also do her good.

A good tutor should be able to give you an idea of your child's abilities relative to the entrance requirements of the grammar schools, and prepare him for any tests.

Anyway, it's been a good solution for us.