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Original poster

thinking of sending ds to a private school - advise needed please!!!!!

323 replies

jinna · 25/03/2004 14:30

my ds is 5 and has been in a state school since reception - we are now thinking to send him to a private prep school - the reasoning being that hopefully he will be able to get into a good grammar school later on . This grammar is heavilky oversubscribed and we feel the only way he would be able to get in is if he gets a lot of support. He is doing well at the state school but with more personal attention at the prep school he should progress well.

My husband and myself went to see the prep school and were surprised and the differences in the schools - the class size was smaller and the sports facilities were great - but the atmosphere felt very disciplined and formal - is this the norm for prep schools - we want our DS to do well but don't want him to lose his personality.

Also the prep school has its own curriculum and also have their own inspection - how do you tell if they are teaching to the right standard. We have no experience of private education and independent schools - so please any advise would be great

OP posts:
Cod · 26/03/2004 14:33

Message withdrawn

roisin · 26/03/2004 14:34

We are not pushy parents. WE do not label ds1 as G&T, school have given him that label, and other people who come across him comment on it too.

There are issues that affect G&T children, and it would be nice to be given the courtesy to be able to discuss them, rather than a thread being disrupted by uninvolved parties.

It saddens me that people are reluctant to post their genuine concerns on mumsnet, because they fear a negative reaction from people who are not interested in contributing anything positive to the discussion.

hmb · 26/03/2004 14:41

I would stop short of saying that G& T are 'special needs' kids, because I don't think that their needs come close to those of kids with SEN. But they are different needs and should, I think, be catered for.

I wasn't exagerating when I said I was beaten up in school for being bright. It's bloody hard being a smart kid in a hard school, and I was.

You just like my posts cos they have more typos than yours.

bossykate · 26/03/2004 14:47

there could be a chat section entitled "Gifted & Talented".

dinosaur · 26/03/2004 14:48

No offence meant roisin and marialuisa - you've answered my question - it's not you, it's the school who identifies your children as G&T.

I just find the whole subject interesting, mainly as a result of my own experiences at school and especially now DS1 is at school.

forestfly · 26/03/2004 14:48

Aren't they all?

dinosaur · 26/03/2004 14:49

BK - that's a really good idea. But don't call it G&T or you'll just get that bar brigade piling in!

hmb · 26/03/2004 14:53

I can see that it can seem that this is bosting, but it isn't. Kids who are gifted just are the way they are. Dd has been like it for as long as I can rememner. I think that she is remarcable, but I would, I'm her mum. I think my son is too, and he is a very different little boy. We work very hard to make sure that she doesn't think that she is special.

There are so many real difficulties that parents have when they raise children, I wouldn't be so crass as to suject that having a gifted child is a problem. It is a delight, but sometimes on that brings it' own worries. Why shouldn't we be able to discuss that?

Twinkie · 26/03/2004 14:57

Don't all children level out by the time they are about 8 anyway??

And Casey - I was responding to someone who said we could be jealous.

I actually find it offensive that someone could compare what we are talking about here to children with special needs to me G&T children just need to be taught very good social skills (and if they are so bright this should be easy!!) to cope with any grief they are going to get during their education - the few G&T children I have met actually have appalling social skills and so are a natural target for bullys.

dinosaur · 26/03/2004 14:59

hmb - there's a difference between airing your concerns about your child, and telling anecdotes which show how advanced they are for their age, and I think it is the latter (posted not on the "Proud..." thread, but on a thread which asked some specific questions about prep schools) which got up noses a bit

I do agree that being or having children who are G&T raises own set of concerns, have friend whose DS1 is in this category, and goes to same school as DS1, happily she is more than pleased with what school is doing for him.

hmb · 26/03/2004 15:02

OK, but threads do drift.

I just posted what I thought was an amusing set of questions.

I hope that people don't think that I feel that G& T is the same as SEN, as I posted that I didn not think this was the case, at all.

marialuisa · 26/03/2004 15:02

No Twinkie, most kids might be reading/writing/riding a bike by 8, so you wouldn't immediately know who had started to read etc. at 3 and who had started to read etc.at 7 but there's more to it than that.

I think Binkie's post about the different "types" of G&T kids is a fair reflection actually.

hmb · 26/03/2004 15:03

Do children level out by 8....not in my experience. Some do, but there are vast differences in children that I see in secondary school

sobernow · 26/03/2004 15:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hmb · 26/03/2004 15:04

Sobernow, snap!

Angeliz · 26/03/2004 15:06

I don't feel that it's the same as Special Needs either just to clarify my position on it!

Twinkie · 26/03/2004 15:08

Sobernow - I can't see your child having any problem at all if she is a socially well rounded child - the only kids who were G&T at our school that were picked on were the ones that had appaling social skills - my DD is terribly good with her language and imagination - this I think is going to set her in good stead in later life and probably make her popular not go against her!!

dinosaur · 26/03/2004 15:09

Well I have to buck the trend - I was bright (brag brag, first one from my school to do Oxbridge entrance exam etc etc) at my hard comprehensive school and I wasn't beaten up or bullied for being bright - I was beaten up, but not for being bright - I had good friends right throughout my year, in all the bands - okay I was careful not to wear my learning on my sleeve too much, so I smoked, drank, twagged etc with the best of them (or worst of them) but I am living proof that you can be brainy and survive in an ordinary state school.

hmb · 26/03/2004 15:10

Well, I have seen kids picken on in secondary school for being bright. And I wouldn't class them as having apauling social skills. And doesn't that smake just a little of blame the victim mentality?

If a kis was being bullied for being overwieght, would you say the solution was to put the child on a diet, or to make sure that our society values diversity?

Ir is bullying swots OK if they are nerdy?

Twinkie · 26/03/2004 15:10

And so the kids that can read and write at 3 are G&T but they lose this G&T when the rest fo the world catches up??

I could read and write before I started school (early!!) too but I never thought as myself and my parents didn't as G&T and most certainly not special needs - it was just me - concentrate on your childs happiness and whole education - including things that are not the 3 Rs and I really think they will be able to cope with things that get thrown at them due to their extraordinary brightness!!

hmb · 26/03/2004 15:11

Sorry, typo city.

Jimjams · 26/03/2004 15:33

ooh I missed a punch up - how did that happen?

Um not sure where I stand on this really. I went to Oxofrd from a state school (brag brag) but it was OK to be bright in my state school. Certianly ewasn't bullied for it. And to be honest no-one ever thought of me as bright - I was just good at exams (which is a different thing entirely). Also remember bumping into someone I knew form my early teens in Oxford and she asked what I was doing there- and she refused to believe me

I used to think that ds1 was incredibly bright as he was reading before talking and had a ridiculus concentration span. Now he's described as having "cognitive deficits" (to which I say f* off of course he does he doesn't have any langauge so you have to measure his ability in a different way). His LSA often says she thinks he's very clever, but I say not much use if you can't say yes or no and don't understnad the words on, in or under.

So I guess what I'm saying is unfortunately the whole gifted and talented thing (which I believe is a govt initiative?) has backfired a bit. There's a strange relationship between academic ability in this culture. On the one hand its over-admired and on the other hand its despised. Like any Oxford graduate I've experience both sides of that- In real life I keep my university experience quiet.

And now with a child with severe SN- I can honsetly say that academic ability matters not one little bit to me. DS2 seems a happy well adjusted soul. Is he bright? I have no idea. What is bright anyway? I'd still say ds1 was bright cognitive deficits and all.

Surely rather than labelling children as g and t we should be providing a suitable education for them. I'm not big on any labels. Having a son labelled auti means that people believe he isn't affectionate. Labels put people into boxes- and saddle them with all sorts of expectations. I'm not sure that expectations are ever a good thing for a child, but I had lots for ds1.

Not sure what this has to do with private schools. Personally I don't care where other people send their children.

150percent · 26/03/2004 15:36

Dinosaur, I think it is a pity that a child who is bright has to smoke, drink etc in order to avoid being bullied. I'm probably giving away my age if I confessed to not knowing what "twagged" is. If I thought my child was in that position, then I would almost certainly consider other school options (not sure if I would have any, but that is another debate).

kiwisbird · 26/03/2004 15:38

Well well well
I am neither priggish nor arrogant - simply the mother of a child who is miserable with what he is currently offered due to his freakish inteligence
Asked again I would turn down a child of this intelligence as it is impossible to get help for him without it costing £12K a f ing year.
Sorry for boasting about his prowess, it seems I canboast to no one of his amazing acheivements, certainly not to his school nor here.
Oh yes and I am extremely over sensitive

dinosaur · 26/03/2004 15:40

150 per cent it is regional dialect - means "skived".

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