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Education

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Original poster

thinking of sending ds to a private school - advise needed please!!!!!

323 replies

jinna · 25/03/2004 14:30

my ds is 5 and has been in a state school since reception - we are now thinking to send him to a private prep school - the reasoning being that hopefully he will be able to get into a good grammar school later on . This grammar is heavilky oversubscribed and we feel the only way he would be able to get in is if he gets a lot of support. He is doing well at the state school but with more personal attention at the prep school he should progress well.

My husband and myself went to see the prep school and were surprised and the differences in the schools - the class size was smaller and the sports facilities were great - but the atmosphere felt very disciplined and formal - is this the norm for prep schools - we want our DS to do well but don't want him to lose his personality.

Also the prep school has its own curriculum and also have their own inspection - how do you tell if they are teaching to the right standard. We have no experience of private education and independent schools - so please any advise would be great

OP posts:
Angeliz · 26/03/2004 16:27

sobernow, that is awful!! Hope your dd didn't hear it or get upset by that horrible woman!!

It's the strangest thing how you get labelled!
I have ALWAYS been labelled a snob ,
(i have no idea why, maybe because my accent is not that strong as i lived away for years....maybe because i lived away........maybe because although i didn't even finish my education, i would be happy enough to dine with the Queen as i truly beleive we're all equal)

My dd is just 3 and has been called a little snob a few times (in jest but really!??).
My sis had a snigger the other day as she said boobs infront of dd then said "Ohhh sorry", to me.
I said that that was daft and of course she could say boobs and then she said " well you told me off a few weeks for telling the story of the girl with the big knockers"......
i didn't even bother explaining the difference!!!!!!!!

dinosaur · 26/03/2004 16:28

sobernow - that's horrible

I'd be furious if anyone said smartarse in front of my children, saying it TO a child is outrageous

Hulababy · 26/03/2004 16:31

Oh no Yet another thread gone to pot! And this one had started off so well - advice given and explained. Discussion developed but still realted to topic. Now look at it. Why does every thread have to end like this nowadays?

Jinna - I hope you managed to get some help with your query here, before the nastiness began.

Please ladies - we should all remember that we are all entitled to our own opinions, and not simply be bitchy about one another. Remember the purpose of MN please!

Hulababy · 26/03/2004 16:36

Just a point made earlier. Within education G&T is actually part of the SEN department - becasue it is a form of special educational needs - a group of children who require education different to the 'norm'. However, a most school it is not the G&T who are actually given the support as resources do not get chanelled that way. Obviously when resources are tight they have to go where they will do most help - and that has to be those who need help to be able to access even the standard curriculum, rather than to go beyond it. It is one area sadly that many state schools cannot deal with affectively as the situation currently stands.

dinosaur · 26/03/2004 16:37

150 per cent - but isn't all formal education about conforming to some social norm or other? I think that home educating is the only realistic alternative if you don't want your children to come under some sort of pressure to conform to something.

(Sorry, hb, a bit off topic I know, but a question I'm very interested in.)

ScummyMummy · 26/03/2004 18:03

sobernow and kiwisbird and others- for what it's worth I now feel really, really sorry about my silly M2E post. I think what your dd's friend's mum said to your dd was appalling, sobernow. That kind of deliberate squashing of a child's natural wonder, curiousity and interest in the world is just vile. I also think it's great and important for parents to take pride in their kids' strengths and lovely to be able to talk about what they're doing to others and to them. That's very different from bragging about them, I think.

roisin- thank you for being so forgiving earlier.

sobernow · 26/03/2004 18:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Angeliz · 26/03/2004 18:17

i thought it was brave of you to own up!

(Bet you got a shock when you realised how people reacted!)

Hulababy · 26/03/2004 18:19

dinosaur - it isn't going off topic that bothers me; it is the strange desire some posters appear to have to just 'have a go' and become nasty or sarcastic against other people because they don't hold the exact same opinion. And I don't mean just having a joke every so often (however taken). I'm not calling anyone here at all as didn't bother reading all content of those postings I mean - just something I have noticed happening increasingly recently

Anyway it isn't my thread. Just felt for the oridiginal poster.

hmb · 26/03/2004 18:24

Very nicely done Scummy, in true MN style.

Are we all friends again ?

150percent · 26/03/2004 18:25

I agree that some peer pressure is inevitable, but the pressure (and indeed the peer group) is going to vary between schools, and the likelihood of bullying may well decrease at some private schools. At my private school I was fairly unaware of any bullying on the basis of brightness or even nerdiness. There were a group of rather bookish girls who were never in on the party scene, but they were a large enough group that no-one was left out, and they certainly weren't bullied for being bright per se. The Oxbridge set tended to have more sociable people in it, but then that is what they tend to look for anyway - at least IME: the totally academic ones didn't always get in.

Not sure that home educating is the only alternative. We do have one private school locally that has as their aim that every child discovers their destiny and purpose. They do seem to have produced some fairly confident and independent children, though strict academic progress isn't as good as some of the local state schools (which are fairly good in this area). But this sort of place may be the exception - My eldest is 3 today, so I have yet to make any tough decisions!

ScummyMummy · 26/03/2004 18:27

Well, if you do decide to have a MN break for a while you'll be very much missed by lots of people, including me. I know that much, sobernow.

Jimjams · 26/03/2004 18:35

you and me both sobernow! It all gets a bit much sometimes. But usually if you give it a few hours it all calms down. Don't stay away too long....

kiwisbird · 26/03/2004 19:08

It is a def sensitive topic with me at the mo -
My son has been out of school recently after finding himself picked on and friendless, mostly just due to his being too different from the mainstream. One black eye, one concussion - oddly happended as I was talking to his head teacher, he got brought to the office.
I want him to be safe, this could have happened to anyone regardless of being G+T, anyone would try to do the same.
Thanks for scummy for owning up, I do appreciate that it can be seen as gloating, I can tell you that I can take no credit for my son being who he is... LOL It's just "luck"
Lets get on and be nice again, I came here from the bitchiest site ever and so far it has been a marvellous site for me, you lot are vocal, intelligent and fun!

Tinker · 26/03/2004 19:12

sobernow - I shall be very upset if you disappear for a long time.

popsycal · 26/03/2004 19:19

I was thinking earlier that I might post exactly as sobernow has

beetroot · 26/03/2004 19:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

popsycal · 26/03/2004 19:51

It isn't that beety! No reflecton on any thread in particular and not a really sudden thing either.....been creeping up on me for a month or so

beetroot · 26/03/2004 19:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

popsycal · 26/03/2004 19:56

go for it beety

hmb · 26/03/2004 20:01

I could do with a good laugh. Feeling a bit raw tbh.

tigermoth · 27/03/2004 08:05

Quote: "Oh no Yet another thread gone to pot! And this one had started off so well - advice given and explained. Discussion developed but still realted to topic. Now look at it. Why does every thread have to end like this nowadays?"

hulababy and popsycal, while I agree that this thread is not all sweetness and light, could you have a bit of an agenda regarding your comments on mumsnet? I know you are moderators on another site. Of course you are entitled to your opinions, but think you are making a bit of an unfair generalisation here.

Mumsnet is getting bigger - amongst the two hundred or more active threads each day, it's likely some will go a little pearshaped.

tigermoth · 27/03/2004 08:13

sobernow, what a horrible thing to say to a child, and no wonder you feel upset about it.

I, too hope you don't go.

tigermoth · 27/03/2004 08:30

Picking up on something talked about earlier - sending children to private primary so they can pass the 11+ and go on to a state grammar - I am now a bit depressed.

My son is having some weekly private lessons to give him some 11+ practice, but this is a drop in the ocean compared to the time he spends at school. The national curriculam doesn't cover all the elements he'll be tested on by the October test date, so we have to top it up somehow.

But is there any point bothering when other children will have had so much more coaching? I don't think he is so super bright he will sail through the tests, but he's got a chance of passing if he puts his thinking hat on. How large a proportion of private primary school pupils end up at the state grammars? do privately educated pupils make up most of the intake? If I phone round and ask the grammar schools this queistion, will they give me an answer?

WideWebWitch · 27/03/2004 08:30

Maybe I'm weird but I don't see anything that offensive on this thread. I really can't bring myself to post on private vs state ed since I've given my views before and I just don't want an argument with anyone here - doubt I'll change anyone's mind and it'll just wind me up so it's not worth it so I've decided to stay out of them. But Sobernow, don't go, please, we'd miss you. And I never post telling people not to go since I take the view that if they want to they will. I do think it was an awful thing the old bag said to your dd.