Confused over boarding school options: Winchester, Wellington, Charterhouse, Radley

[teaandroses]

Hope this is the right place to post this - this is my first post on MN Talk - but I have just met the headmaster at my son's current school and, alongside a (very limited) range of day options, he recommended three boarding choices for senior school: Winchester (aspirational), Wellington, Charterhouse and Radley (via the Warden's List). He believes boarding may be a better option for my son because it offers a broader education, which appeals to his many interests (he is into, but not great at, music, art and sports, as well as being academic).
But I am puzzled both about boarding in general (my son is very clingy, dependent and somewhat insecure at the moment, although obviously he may outgrow all this as he gets into the tweens years) and about the range of schools in particular. I may be wrong but they strike me as very very different from one another? As in if one fits my child, the others probably won't?
I haven't visited any boarding schools yet - my focus had been on day schools until today and obviously plan to do so asap, but in the meantime I thought I could tap into MN's collective wisdom.
Winchester College is obviously the school with the strongest academic reputation, but it might be aspirational for my son (while his CAT scores are well above average, they are not exceptional, although his academic results are very good). The HM thought Wellington would probably be the best fit for my son but at the same time told me it still has a 'tougher' environment than other schools, which I don't really think it would suit my son at all - does anyone have children at Wellington who can give me an insight on the school's culture?
He suggested Charterhouse and Radley as back-up options (again, I was surprised as I didn't think either would be a back-up to Wellington, but maybe I am not well informed enough?) and said that Radley in particular has the best pastoral care, which could make it an especially appealing option.
I'd really love it if anyone who has children there or knows these schools well could give me some feedback/info on them!

honestly, life is too short ...why anyone on these boards wastes time trying to put down educational choices of other parents...grammar vs non selective, state vs private, boarding vs day....no one ever changes their position anyway but some folk just like to get everyone het up and then it spirals ...

TamerB Can I start a fight with you?

You say that Asking others is no real help... but I have to disagree. As regards undertaking research while identifying, choosing and applying to relevant schools, I have found MN spectacularly helpful. Over the past 2 or 3 years the thoughtful, considered, detailed and generous posts from HG and others have contributed more, probably, than any other source, to our decision making.

The kind of debate one finds here, including views from one extreme to the other, is impossible to replicate in RL. Even the most unpalatable posts are useful to weigh in the balance - I can't imagine that Xenia would be so frank around a dinner table of acquaintances - it's useful to know that some people hold totally opposite views on this subject.

Of course no-one is going to decide on a school purely because of something they've read here, but after weeks or months of thread-studying one can achieve a sort of clarity that can lead to the most brilliant outcome.

You can try and start a fight but I am not really willing to engage.

I will amend my comment to 'some people find asking others a real help'.
I suppose I would use it a similar way to Ofstead and league tables, something to look at but largely ignore. Nothing beats the visit on a normal working day and asking the questions that you want answered and seeing how your child reacts.

My strongest opinion is that people really don't have to explain or justify to anyone. People are too polite-they feel obliged and really they just need to smile, nod-say 'really' in a non committal way and change the subject. No one changes their mind on these things. I could see the point if explaining was going to change minds-it merely gives people other avenues of attack!

Sorry Ofsted

Barbour - you are right of course. Life IS too short, however people spouting off about other people's choice and indicating that boarding schools, private schools, etc will scar your children for life - really?

What if I said that going to a state school would not allow you to reach your full potential, is full of militant left wing teachers who moan and bleat about having their gold plated pensions taken away. Who say that the holidays are for the children, and of course we all know how difficult it is to get rid of a teacher etc.

No, I wouldnt say that ....(although that was my experience of the state system tbh)

Plenty do say that, handcream!

Plenty do say that, handcream!

I have attempted all through this thread to give a balanced opinion of a Win Coll itself, and boarding in general. At one point I actually agreed with sleeker/curlew that boarding is often not the right place for a super sensitive child. I unlike seeker/curlew have extensive experience of boarding I know many many children and their parents, I know those who it was a disaster for and those who positively thrive. The OP was asking for advise and I gave mine. If this thread had been about a four state boarding schools I doubt seeker/curlew would even have clicked on it and read it let alone posted any comments but the bottom line is that seeker/curlew hates independent ed and all it stands for and in particular the big names boarding schools mentioned above who she feels are full of privileged children whose parents are paying for something her children can't have which of course we are.
I've no problem with this view in fact I can understand the argument. Why should so few have so much more than others. But this was not what this thread was about seeker/curlew with her knee jerk prejudices, uniformed statements and snippy comments at those of us who do believe boarding in a positive life enhancing experience for many was just becoming unbearable so snapped.
One of the advantages of boarding is that you learn to live and work along side people who you may not like or agree with, you learn when to shut up and hold your council, and you learn when you've goaded someone to much and that it's time to give it a rest. Boarding children will then take these essential skills out out into their home lives, their work place, their relationships and maybe on to online forum as well

HG I love the word snippy, it does summarise what Curlew calls cut and paste out of context biased selection of quotes from posts

It is quite a good word my mother used to use it I'm becoming increasingly like her.

I agree completely with Tamerb that no matter what arguments you put forward, nothing is going to change the mind of someone over the internet, wether its state v private, religion, or politics, people will not be converted on these subjects. It is wasted energy, if a poster is asking for advise genuinely because they can't decide then there is a place for that discussion, otherwise I would simply do what Tamer said 'really.....or hmmm" and change the subject.

and when you see its a goader attempting to derail a thread, simply ignore all their comments and carry on with the OP, as if they're not there, nothing infuriates a goaded more than having their posts totally ignored watch how each post continues to get more inflammatory and laugh!

BUT one reply and you're snookered!

goader!

But the thing that makes this so daft is that the very person complaining about 'privileged education' chooses to get her children to take the 11+ and then appeal when one doesnt get in.

If you claim to hate grammars then why on earth do you use them... You make yourself sound deluded.

Diane Abbott et al springs to mind and half of the Labour government tbh

I'm sure all this meta-discussion is very helpful to the OP.

Why would it not be AgaP? Every decision impacts on the wider society, so every discussion has a value.

I'm sure the OP is intelligent enough to take what is useful to her from this thread.

Curlew...sure does a lot of axe grinding in his/her posts ...frankly I don't give a fig for what others think of my educational choices which I exercise in the best interests of my child .....and nor should others ...i feel no need to defend it either ...if you want to talk about educational standards in wider society then fine, but making it personal to individual posters and their choices for their children is ridiculous.

Ok, to get this back on track. I have two sons both at boarding school (weekly - comes home on Sat and goes back on Sunday evening). That has made a real difference to both boys.

The thing that worries me about the OP is that their son is clingy and average at most things but has an interest in them. My DS's are average (middle stream) and one is not sporty at all.

However they like boarding, my younger one in particular wouldnt have any problem in letting us know otherwise.

If we could have our time again I would probably for money reasons choose day. We dont live near any day private schools which is why we went for boarding. And its worked out very well.

If it hadnt - well we would have moved house even though it would have cost us 1000's in stamp duty, EA fees etc. More than the saving over day/boarding.

I cnanot think of a better reason to move house than for the wellbeing of your children.

I didnt come from this sort of background. Sec Modern with no aspirations for the pupils. Seeker indicates that its the sons of the lords and ladies of the land that use the schools my sons go to. That for me (along with her odd views on state education!) made me think - she just doesnt have a clue.....

Ah, AgaPanther, the OP, which is me, is very grateful for all the advice and help so many have proffered but is also slightly bemused by the way the discussion has evolved. I am new to MN in particular and to online forums in general, and I suppose I never really thought of the dynamics that might take place. An eye opener, indeed.
That said, most views and experiences posted here have been very helpful. While I agree with TamerB that online feedback would only be one of the many criteria I'd use to choose a school for my son, I also have no direct personal experience of boarding and thought that getting a 'warts and all' account would be useful in view of what, for our family, would be a pretty massive step.
I also wanted to get an insider feel for the schools because, in all honesty, and unlike many other posters here, I never really felt I was getting a true measure of the (day) schools I have visited so far. Many of our local day school only allow visitors at open events rather than during a regular working day - and, in my experience, being addressed by the HM as part of a group of 40 or more parents, then being strong-armed around the school by a teacher (much more rarely by pupils) while being told how marvellous and incredibly oversubscribed the school is doesn't give you a feel for much...
Boarding schools appear to have a much stronger 'character' at least judging by (third-hand) reputation and by the Good Schools Guide, so I thought that perhaps some of it would emerge by asking people with children there. I'm just sorry that this seems to have taken a slightly acrimonious turn...

We had never considered boarding and were told that ds would be a great fit at Winchester or Eton.

I thought about this for a while, looked at the schools and talked to friends whose children had boarded and who had boarded themselves. After much thought, we decided against it.

The schools are fantasic and I have no doubt that ds would get a lot out of it. But... friends whose sons board say that although they get on well and have a loving relationship, they don't feel that they have been an integral part of their child's life in recent years and their child's development has been more influenced by peers and teachers than them. The adults I talked to all felt less close to their parents, although they all spoke about them with great fondness. They also felt less close to siblings. Oddly, the women I know who boarded seemed to have had a better experience (think Mallory Towers) than the men.

I personally decided that the cost to us as a family would be too great, although I can absolutely see that the schools would deliver a fabulous experience. Only you know your son and what would make him happiest - not just while he is at school - but over the course of his life as a whole.

OP You have a project for the next few months! I suggest you read all the boarding school threads you can find here and also look for threads on any schools you're interested in. (Just enter the name in "Search talk" above.)

It's easy to ignore the rubbish - you can concentrate on gleaning that "insiders'" view from current users, with current experience.

Knowledge / power etc....

Hi all. Read this thread with great interest as I am also considering boarding for DS at 13 (he is 9). I am very impressed by Happy Gardening's (and others) eloquent, objective and sensible posts about boarding and the pros and cons! My husband died suddenly last May so ultimately I will be making this decision with my son. Incidentally, DH was at Charterhouse and loved every minute (albeit a few years ago). I know of four of 5 boys at Charterhouse at the moment (all mixed characters and abilities) who are thriving.

Can somebody please explain what all the Curlew/Seeker/Stalker thing was about at the end though? I am very confused with what happened!!

Thank you.

I went to boarding school and loved it. I never felt unloved or uncomforted when I needed to be. I just had a bloody great time!

I don't always agree with HG but have to admit ...HG is eloquent especially on the subject of boarding from an insider's view.

Seeker/Curlew were the same person! They have a real chip on their shoulder about selective education despite 'allowing' their DD to take the 11+ and go to a grammar!

In fact when her DS failed the 11+ they appealed.....

But they still 'hate' grammars and all they stand for.

I think someone took offence to something Seeker said and I suspect started PM'ing her hence her need to change her name (but not the daft views she has!).

She has a massive chip about people buying something she cannot, hence her need to trash all of us who have found boarding does work for them.

Boarding isnt for everyone. We all know that. The days of fathers sending their sons to the same schools etc has long gone. But not in Seeker's mind.

Times have moved on and there are new buyers to private ed (like my DH and myself).

There will always be people around with left wing views (until it comes to them and their families of course and then its every man for themselves!)