Confused over boarding school options: Winchester, Wellington, Charterhouse, Radley

[teaandroses]

Hope this is the right place to post this - this is my first post on MN Talk - but I have just met the headmaster at my son's current school and, alongside a (very limited) range of day options, he recommended three boarding choices for senior school: Winchester (aspirational), Wellington, Charterhouse and Radley (via the Warden's List). He believes boarding may be a better option for my son because it offers a broader education, which appeals to his many interests (he is into, but not great at, music, art and sports, as well as being academic).
But I am puzzled both about boarding in general (my son is very clingy, dependent and somewhat insecure at the moment, although obviously he may outgrow all this as he gets into the tweens years) and about the range of schools in particular. I may be wrong but they strike me as very very different from one another? As in if one fits my child, the others probably won't?
I haven't visited any boarding schools yet - my focus had been on day schools until today and obviously plan to do so asap, but in the meantime I thought I could tap into MN's collective wisdom.
Winchester College is obviously the school with the strongest academic reputation, but it might be aspirational for my son (while his CAT scores are well above average, they are not exceptional, although his academic results are very good). The HM thought Wellington would probably be the best fit for my son but at the same time told me it still has a 'tougher' environment than other schools, which I don't really think it would suit my son at all - does anyone have children at Wellington who can give me an insight on the school's culture?
He suggested Charterhouse and Radley as back-up options (again, I was surprised as I didn't think either would be a back-up to Wellington, but maybe I am not well informed enough?) and said that Radley in particular has the best pastoral care, which could make it an especially appealing option.
I'd really love it if anyone who has children there or knows these schools well could give me some feedback/info on them!

I find it very strange that choice of schools appears to be like child rearing and there is the way that is best, rather than there being a way that is best for a particular child. One size can't fit all. I have friends who have used boarding schools, in their case it has been the best option for their situation and their child. Others in similar situations have taken a different course because it wasn't best for them or their child. (If it isn't the defender feeling insecure it must be the critic, someone is insecure about their choices or it wouldn't bother them.)
I don't know why people feel the need to judge.
(I thought I couldn't be the only one to work it out, happygardener)

No, I didn't say at any point that everyone I know who went to boarding school had a negative experience. However, as I will now have to leave Mumsnet it doesn't actually matter, does it?

curlew I also never said that all you knew had negative experiences which is why I'm amazed that with you vast knowledge you feel a desperate need to constantly criticise boarding.
Are you leaving to get yourself a life? Best of luck.

No happy she is leaving because you have outed her!!! And she has a most unpleasant stalker.

Honestly, that was a really really shitty thing to do!

I didn't realise it was a stalker that caused the name change. I just recognised the style and opinions. All it needs is another change.

My friends husband is a house master at Winchester.

He lives on site and is there 24 hours a day virtually to support the boys. It always comes across as a nice, kind environment for them.

In all honesty, I struggle with the idea of boarding, but all I have seen there has been positive.

Obviously I can't comment from a parent perspective - but the staff I have met have been lovely and very committed.

Yup. There are nutters about.

Same thing happened to Xenia and myself a couple of years back.

I am pretty sure Xenia is still on here too- beyond that I am not saying. I had no intention of mentioning curlew. It is terribly sad there are stalkers- can't they be banned?

Obviously if I'd known about the stalking I wouldn't have outed curlew and I'm genuinely sorry about that but as I replied to her PM she outed herself the moment she mentioned the god children up until that moment I had absolutely no idea who she was. I will ask to have the post deleted.

To be honest though Word it was obvious who curlew was a re-incarnation of. Her opinions, circumstances and posting style are pretty identifiable.

I have to agree with happy that her posts on this thread have been unnecessarily harsh, particularly given her very limited knowledge of boarding. The thread title is very specific - I clicked on it out of interest but I wouldn't proffer opinions on it because I simply don't have the experience to do so usefully (despite knowing a number of people with DC who board!). I do think that it was unfair to out her but having said that, I know from experience how frustrating it is to be on the end of her ill-informed opinions, especially as she's the first to cry foul if anyone dares to post generalisations about state ed.

Anyway, as Tamer said, all that's required is a name change, which, if the stalker's still around, wouldn't have been a bad idea anyway since any regulars on the Education boards would have known exactly who her previous incarnation was.

Dh and DBIL both boarded. DBil went to one of the schools you mentioned and hated every minute. Vowed he was never going away again and has lived at home ever since.

Dh loved boarding he went to another boarding school but like a lot of friends who went to boarding school as they have aged the effect boarding has had on them is plain to see. They haven't a template in to how to behave in a normal stay at home family, where everyone sees each other everyday. They think family life is all smiles and being happy and being on holiday and there are no arguments. Even the most minor disagreement gets blown out of all proportion. Work comes first as that ultimately is the most important thing in their lives and don't get me started on the secrecy over even minor things.

Op your ds sounds much like my DBIL, yes he was very happy and outgoing when he was at a day school because he could go home to his family everyday, take that away and he spent the most miserable 4 years of his life in a place where he should never have been put. It has affected his whole life and not in a good way.
His mum and dad thought they were giving him great opportunities and a fabulous education but it shattered his confidence and he has never moved on with his life.

I think a name change was overdue anyway, it was getting more obvious and the other day, goaded by LaQueen, it was just pure seeker- no doubt.
That is why I put that I can't have been the only one to work it out. I wouldn't go, curlew, just name change and take more care on education related topics. (But I do think stalkers ought to be banned)

I don't think there's much point continuing to address the OP - this thread has been sufficiently derailed to put her off coming back - possibly (as her first post) for good

There is also not much point in namechanging if you are going to continue to exhibit the kind of selfish behaviour that attracts stalkers in the first place.

I really didn't know it was seeker until the post about the god children! Am I the only one who hadn't worked it out? Frankly if any one was that determined to stalk her they would have worked it out from that post as well if they were like me a bit slow on the uptake although they probably already have from what everyone else is saying.

Look, I disagree with curlew on lots and lots of issues. Sometimes vehemently.

But I just don't think there's ever any excuse for outing people. And it's just not good enough to blame the victim of the outing IMVHO.

Poor OP she's new on here little did she know what a hornets nest she was stirring up. Her thread must have appeared so innocent to her.

I've apologised and asked to have it deleted I accept a I shouldn't have done it.

With OP I stand by my original comment, visit with your DC and both go with gut feelings. Asking others is no real help, one child's dream school is another child's nightmare. Try to avoid big sales pitches and go on a normal working day. Talk to pupils in addition to teachers.
I visited Eton ( not as a prospective parent) and I was hugely impressed, but even if I had the money it wasn't the school for my boys. That doesn't stop it being a fantastic school for others. I really like it.

Is Curlew Seeker???

Wow, wasnt Seeker the one who hates grammar schools but sends one of her children to one (or have I got myself completely mixed up!)

It is very easy to recognise certain posters, whatever their name changes by their views and style of posting. It is usually those who add a bit of spice to Mumsnet (in the nicest possible way although in some cases a bit aggressive and blinkered ) so it is a shame if they are driven to become bland and opaque or stop posting.

I thought everyone realised who curlew was - hardly difficult given the opinions she has and her love of hurting people who choose private ed. Her stalker would have had no trouble working it out if we all could.

I do remember having a spat with Seeker. She went on and on about comprehensives and how wonderful they were and then another poster came on and said she sent one of her children to a grammar school(something she professed to hate!).

She also appealed when her DS didnt pass the 11+. She claimed that she was unable to move house (very convienent!) so was forced to use the grammar's and the 11+ and the appeal process etc etc

So, would anyone listen to someone with such strange views. I certainly wouldnt!!

I think if you're posting aggressively/goading people to the point you have to name change because of a stalker, it would be wise to desist from said behaviour under your new name otherwise what's the point? a bit like Xenia who also name changed but couldn't stop talking about being a woman earning six figs, 5kids, private school fee.....you catch the drift!

Curlew or whoever she was, was really goading Happy and other private school parents so I can see why Happy snapped, I've read a lot of her posts in the past and its really unlike her, but it's not hard to see how she got to that point. As for Curlew leaving, again she brought it upon herself, but like someone else said there's no reason why she can't name change again but please leave the private school threads alone!

It is very easy to recognise certain posters, whatever their name changes by their views and style of posting. It is usually those who add a bit of spice to Mumsnet (in the nicest possible way although in some cases a bit aggressive and blinkered ) so it is a shame if they are driven to become bland and opaque or stop posting.

I think so too. I was pleased to recognise that seeker was still there, so I think she should carry on with a name change. However if you get too aggressive people will snap and out the person.

Curlew/Seeker. I really think you have brought this all on yourself. You clearly have a real chip on your shoulder about people using private schools. Well, I have a chip on my shoulder about people who claim to hate grammar schools and then make it their mission in life to get their children into them.