Confused over boarding school options: Winchester, Wellington, Charterhouse, Radley

[teaandroses]

Hope this is the right place to post this - this is my first post on MN Talk - but I have just met the headmaster at my son's current school and, alongside a (very limited) range of day options, he recommended three boarding choices for senior school: Winchester (aspirational), Wellington, Charterhouse and Radley (via the Warden's List). He believes boarding may be a better option for my son because it offers a broader education, which appeals to his many interests (he is into, but not great at, music, art and sports, as well as being academic).
But I am puzzled both about boarding in general (my son is very clingy, dependent and somewhat insecure at the moment, although obviously he may outgrow all this as he gets into the tweens years) and about the range of schools in particular. I may be wrong but they strike me as very very different from one another? As in if one fits my child, the others probably won't?
I haven't visited any boarding schools yet - my focus had been on day schools until today and obviously plan to do so asap, but in the meantime I thought I could tap into MN's collective wisdom.
Winchester College is obviously the school with the strongest academic reputation, but it might be aspirational for my son (while his CAT scores are well above average, they are not exceptional, although his academic results are very good). The HM thought Wellington would probably be the best fit for my son but at the same time told me it still has a 'tougher' environment than other schools, which I don't really think it would suit my son at all - does anyone have children at Wellington who can give me an insight on the school's culture?
He suggested Charterhouse and Radley as back-up options (again, I was surprised as I didn't think either would be a back-up to Wellington, but maybe I am not well informed enough?) and said that Radley in particular has the best pastoral care, which could make it an especially appealing option.
I'd really love it if anyone who has children there or knows these schools well could give me some feedback/info on them!

I think DrNick the pro boarders and the anti boarders are in agreement about that. But maybe the prep school head see's a different child? Or maybe he genuinely thinks that he too clingy and that in three and half years time (because that's the time frame we're talking about here) if he's still very clingy then boarding might help him. Or maybe he feels that the all round education offered at the countries top boarding schools will boost his confidence bring him right out of himself and be the making of him. Or alternatively he's a crap head who doesn't known the OP's DS from Adam and wants the prestige of getting a pupil into one of the big name boarding schools. Who knows?

Have you looked at Cranleigh School? Weekly boarding, varied intake of children from super brainy downwards, great pastoral care and a mix of overseas kids and local ones.

It has suited our DS down to the ground.

handcream you put beautifully if some what bluntly into words what I was struggling to imply.
We've friends with DS's at Cranleigh that would say a similar thing I think their only gripe is hardly any full boarders. Bradfield has mixed boarding houses just for yr 9 where they get lots of TLC might be a good one for someone whose never boarded and whose going to find it a shock, friends with a DS there are really pleased with it for their slightly quirky slightly sensitive bright DS again their only complaint no full boarding.

Op - I think you should go and look round the schools and see what you think for yourself.
We had not considered boarding, as we have a good selection of day schools near us, but someone suggested Radley, so we went to look round it and loved it! Took ds to look next, and he thought of nothing other than getting a place there ever since.

Good luck with the choices!!!

It's a great point that boarding can be very, very "instructive" for the over-hovering parent!

Furthermore, in my experience, "only" children can find a freedom and independence in boarding that they might never quite achieve at home.

Fwiw I was one of those children who liked my own space and my own company so I did find boarding life occasionally trying. I was perfectly friendly, and had friends, but you were never supposed to be on your own in the house.

And there was so much less to do then. I am beyond envious when I see the vast swathe of opportunities available at boarding schools now.

For me the differentiating factor between whether boarding is a positive experience or not is how social a child is. I have a 'sensitive' DS who enjoys boarding hugely because time with friends is really important to him and he has so much more freedom and time to dip into different shared pursuits with them. I certainly would n't have predicted that in year 5 and, despite having siblings who boarded, would n't have chosen boarding for him or indeed any of my DC. The right school can be an incredibly positive experience and contemplating boarding opens up possibilities when day schools don't suit. As I said before, keep options open with your choices so that your DS can leave his final decision until as late as possible. I assume you will know by the end of year 6 whether you will get your first choice day option.

"It is a outstanding prep for adult life but if you have been a hovering parent and think your child can do no wrong and should be the centre of everyone else's universe please dont send your child to boarding school. They will probably never get over the shock."

What a ridiculous, aggressive, stupid thing to say!

It's certainly an outstanding preparation for adult life if you expect adult life to mean living with a group of people the same age and class as you and not seeing a lot of your family. Being in the services, or a merchant bank for example. But those are the sort of careers you are bing prepared for. So that you can send your own children to boarding school......

curlew. I don't like the sound of the school your dc attend at all personally.

I don't think I've said anything about the schools my dc attend, have I?

Oh - well what is your information source then for how boarding schools prepare you for the life style/ jobs / family life / social mixing you described? I presumed you knew this, or are you just (wrongly) assuming this is what boarding schools are like?

Oops- I think I just got hit by a chunk of heavy sarcasm.......

Chipping in here with my 14yo DS opinion.

He would love to board. Many of his friends do (he is at a boarding /day school with a 50/50 split). They don't miss their parents thanks to Skype, FaceTime And text. Their parents miss them more.

They love their housemaster and matron, but don't see them as substitute parents, just adults they can rely on.

They are from all over the world, from uk to Germany, Japan to Kenya. They all think this is great for the school and themselves as they wouldn't normally get to mix with people from all over the world. (We live in a 97% white British area of the UK).

His old friend from prep school who had incredibly awful, clingy, umbrella parents is thriving at a different boarding school as he no longer has to worry about his mother storming into school demanding all sorts for her poor misunderstood little angel (her words, sadly).

Just my thoughts (and DS's)

Kathy- for the record, my characterization of some boarding schools is significantly more accurate and true to life in my experience than handcreqm's of non boarding supporting parents........

Argh, this is slightly turning into a debate on the vices and virtues of boarding, which wasn't my original intention. Ishouldcocoa, I haven't look at Cranleigh but several boys from my son's school went there so I'll investigate. Reddidi, thanks for the St Johns suggestion, we seriously discussed it as a day option with the head but we all concluded that it's perhaps a bit too far away for a daily commute, especially when considering the length of the school day. Incidentally, head doesn't see RGS as a backup for Wellington. RGS was suggested as the top day school my son could conceivably get in, and Winchester as the boarding equivalent. Wellington was our more realistic boarding option but, as it is vastly oversubscribed now, head also suggested Radley and Charterhouse.
Happy, I took the head's stance to be a mix of all the first three factors you mentioned: 1. My boy is different at school 2. Even though he is still clingy at home, he is likely to outgrow this (this is what he said, not necessarily what I think, otherwise I wouldn't be worrying) and 3. From an educational viewpoint, boarding would offer him the kind of broad education that seems to suit him best. Because of this, I didn't disregard his views altogether.

I can state categorically that my DS is not being prepared for the "services" and he doesn't wish to be a banker.
curlew you are showing both ignorance of boarding school life and tedious prejudice. You are pontificating about something which you so obviously know nothing about. The interesting question is why? There is another thread on the education section titled "moving to sandbach" I haven't even clicked on it because I don't even know where or what sandbach is but you who so obviously know absolutely nothing about the schools mentioned in the title of this thread feel a need to not only click on it and read it but add you nasty spiteful ignorant comments. One is left wondering why you want to do this? Just to flame you deep held prejudices I suspect.

well said. Thank you HG.

Happygardener- interesting that you challenge my post and not on handcream's that prompted it.......

Frankly I haven't looked back at handcreams comments it was your comment at 19:11:04 that I finally rose too.

Curlew, there is a danger in limiting a DC's horizons in never considering opportunities educational or social outside your experience, it works both ways.
We all feel most comfortable with what we know but sometimes it is worth exploring the possibilities. Honestly boarding in at least some schools does not engender a narrow view of the world and family influences and experiences outside are n't negated. Boarding school terms are like the Oxbridge year, short (so lots of holiday time with the family) but intense.

""It is a outstanding prep for adult life but if you have been a hovering parent and think your child can do no wrong and should be the centre of everyone else's universe please dont send your child to boarding school. They will probably never get over the shock"

Well, this is what I rose to. Horrible. And stupid.

And as I said later, in my experience, I know some who fit my stereotype. I didn't say all. Not saying that there aren't that fit handcream's stereotype- I just don't know any personally. I do find it interesting, however, that boarding school parents feel the need to justify their choice at such length. All the ones I know in real life do as well. Not sure why.

Summerends- not outside my experience at all- very common in the circles I more in.

I did n't mean outside your second hand experience but actually what you were prepared to contemplate for your own DC.

Maybe because people make (incorrect) assumptions about boarding school life????

Why do people feel the need to criticise peoples choices to educated their dc at boarding schools?

It's a personal choice.

Kathy- in this case because somebody decided to criticise - pretty viciously- people who chose not to!

Well, as I didn't go to boarding school myself, my opinion has to be second hand, by definition.