Confused over boarding school options: Winchester, Wellington, Charterhouse, Radley

[teaandroses]

Hope this is the right place to post this - this is my first post on MN Talk - but I have just met the headmaster at my son's current school and, alongside a (very limited) range of day options, he recommended three boarding choices for senior school: Winchester (aspirational), Wellington, Charterhouse and Radley (via the Warden's List). He believes boarding may be a better option for my son because it offers a broader education, which appeals to his many interests (he is into, but not great at, music, art and sports, as well as being academic).
But I am puzzled both about boarding in general (my son is very clingy, dependent and somewhat insecure at the moment, although obviously he may outgrow all this as he gets into the tweens years) and about the range of schools in particular. I may be wrong but they strike me as very very different from one another? As in if one fits my child, the others probably won't?
I haven't visited any boarding schools yet - my focus had been on day schools until today and obviously plan to do so asap, but in the meantime I thought I could tap into MN's collective wisdom.
Winchester College is obviously the school with the strongest academic reputation, but it might be aspirational for my son (while his CAT scores are well above average, they are not exceptional, although his academic results are very good). The HM thought Wellington would probably be the best fit for my son but at the same time told me it still has a 'tougher' environment than other schools, which I don't really think it would suit my son at all - does anyone have children at Wellington who can give me an insight on the school's culture?
He suggested Charterhouse and Radley as back-up options (again, I was surprised as I didn't think either would be a back-up to Wellington, but maybe I am not well informed enough?) and said that Radley in particular has the best pastoral care, which could make it an especially appealing option.
I'd really love it if anyone who has children there or knows these schools well could give me some feedback/info on them!

We defend our choice because we're constantly being attacked by prejudiced ignorant individuals who know nothing about us as parents or our DC's but think nothing of criticising are parenting methods, implying that we don't love or care about our children and that we have chosen to damage our children emotionally and they will be so scarred that they struggle to form meaningful relationships for the rest of their lives and our children are stereotyped in an most unpleasant way. Finally we such dreadful parents we either can't see what damage is so obviously being done our children or don't care. curlew if I categorically stated the state education was damaging your child, limiting his horizons and opportunities, that you sent your child to a day school because you were a raging control fanatic who had to hover over and control you child's every waking moment, restrict his opportunities and prevent him from growing into a civilised independent adult and that all children in state education were nasty little chavs, cultured as bricks and didn't deserve a place at a decent university because what was on offer would be wasted on them you I suspect would rise to it. But those of us who choose independent ed. and in particular independent boarding schools for our children have to put up with this kind of rubbish and are expected to stay silent.

Whatever choice you make someone dislikes it! It appears to me to be similar to HE and everyone gets so defensive and feels they have to explain and justify. I think it is insecurity. There are people who think my choice of schools was 'wrong'. It didn't bother me in the slightest. It was right for my children. I never explained or defended, it wasn't up for discussion. 'It suits us' was my stock response and change the subject.
As to OP I would simply take him on the visits and see what he thinks. You tend to know the right school when you see it. It depends if you can see your child fitting in and being happy there, and if he feels the same.

I know that she can fight her own corner, but happygardening has really had her choice slated here, no wonder she feels the need to justify her position.
I agree with the poster up thread that having a closed mind to different forms of education, won't help your children.
I never thought I would look at boarding schools in fact tbh the thought actually repulsed me. Now, it is something that is likely to happen in the future.
They are all different and if those spouting rubbish would actually look at a few they would see how extremely different they can be.
Every family is different too, what is right for one many be totally wrong for another.

happygardening
It sounds like you have a lovely close knit family and you found the right school for your dc.

Wow. You're not expected to stay silent, happygardening-and I have to say that you put your case every well and consistently. If hyperbolically!.

But I think you'll find that the first "attacking" post on this thread was from your side. I feel very strongly that boarding is wrong, and the negatives massively outweigh the positives. And I do know what I'm talking about. I move in circles where boarding, while not the norm, is certainly not the exception. . But if I remember correctly, the nastiness started on your "side" not mine.

I have visited both Winchester and Wellington and found them to be like chalk and cheese tbh. I did not like Wellington at all; way too polished and over-styled for my liking. Nor did I warm to their prep, eagle house.
Winchester seemed to have a different vibe altogether and it seemed somewhere that a non sporty, geeky academic boy (ds1) could flourish. I knew instinctively that he'd drown somewhere like Wellington. We have decided on day school though as he is still very sensitive and not at all robust and I simply feel that he needs the comfort and reassurance of coming home every night.
Ds2 on the other hand is a very different beast. Academically gifted (whereas ds1is just very bright) but also loud, confident and very sporty. Who knows what is best for him.

I know of 3 families where they've opted to send one child to board and another to day school. One mum firmly believes it is a great option for girls but disasterous for boys so her girls board and her son has just finished his first year of uni after gaining excellent Alevels at a very good day school. Her children seem to agree with her but could be taking their cue from her views. You need to discuss it thoroughly with your son and make the decision together.

I don't feel in the slightest bit insecure about my choice in fact the more I see/read about state ed and see for my self the type of education my DS receives at his school the more secure I feel, the more I count my lucky star that my DS is not in a state school. But I do object to those who don't know me criticising my parenting techniques just because I don't do things like they do, I object to my DS bring labelled and categorised in an unpleasant way.
When the push comes to the shove those who criticise boarding without having even stepped over the threshold of one let alone send their DC's to one are the losers and yes every one is entitled to their opinions. But I do struggle to understand why you click on a thread and post comments about it when you so clearly know nothing about it. Perhaps those that do this need to get a life or as I said up thread feel an overwhelming need to keep fanning their deep rooted prejudices.

Oh and Sandbach is in Cheshire. Not Surrey Cheshire but Cheshire nevertheless.

Might go and click on the Trinity Whitgift thread now, because I've heard a bit about that, so I'll go and tell people on there how it is.

"I move in circles where boarding is the norm,"
I move in circles where for many owning you own indoor cinema, indoor pool, private gym and God knows what other symbols of wealth people feel they must have is the norm but I wouldn't post on how to go about building a gym in the barn in your garden or which type of granite to line the pool with or where is the best place to buy your next Merc is because "moving in circles" where it's the norm doesn't exactly make me an expert as I don't actually own any of these things and wouldn't wish too.

I don't have a child at boarding school. And I did not board myself. But I do have two godchildren who board- well, one has left now but the other is still there - might even be a friend of your ds, HG.- a brother who went and 3 friends whose children (5 in all) all board. And I come from a class and generation where boarding was accepted- my brother, indeed, would have thought he had done something wrong if he hadn't gone to boarding school with his peers. I honestly think that I do know just a bit about it. More than many others, to be honest.

curlew I've quickly read back through my posts and am struggling to find where this "nastiness" started on my side. As I said proof reading is not my forte so maybe Im wrong but it's not leaping out at me TBH.

happy - I fear you're not going to get anywhere.

OP - please just go and look at the schools and see what you think.
We were very pleasantly impressed, and ds determined to full board. He is quite quiet, but a joiner in. So much access to sport, art and music.
Good luck.
You've probably given up on this thread now anyway.

Did you read handcream's post? Shall I c and p it?

curlew yes you know a bit but not as much as those of us who actually have children at boarding schools in the here and now. As someone who spend many years in research I know the negative experiences of your sample of 5 would not be statistically significant. But the positive experiences of my sample of over a 2000+ children would be significantly significant.

Please cut and paste it. Handcream might have attacked you but you stated I attacked you.
Anyway I'm bored of this now Kathy you're right I'm not going to get anywhere. Never mind I'll go off to bed smug in the knowledge that my happy well adjusted loved DS is receiving an education at his boarding school that is in a far superior different league to that offered in any state school.
And at least I now know where Sandbach is! Do you think I know enough to post on that thread?

Good lord. I can see why some teenagers might want to board and I can see why it is the best choice for some families due to moving around etc. But if your dc seems clingy, insecure etc would anyone seriously think boarding would help with that? Poor lad.

I realize that it's not use because you're not prepared to listen. But. A)I never said that the group of boarding children I am really close to all had negative experiences.b) I didn't say you attacked me- I said somebody on "your side" attacked people who don't agree with boarding (I've C&P already- it shouldn't be hard to find). And c) it's not state v. boarding. But you know that already. I know you don't actually mean all the unpleasant anti state school things you've bizarrely decided to say a propos nothing,because you normally have interesting and, up to a point, sensible things to contribute. Until next time, then.

Curlew you do like selectively misquoting to support your closed views. As a parent I have a first hand experience of what it is like to have DC at boarding and day school and because we were open minded (and were lucky enough to have the choice) our DC ended up in schools that have enabled rather than restricted them. Hopefully you can say the same for your DCs' day schools.
I like being a parent who can entrust my DCs education to high quality professionals whether boarding or day. I have noticed however that teachers get to know their pupils (and therefore their potential and needs in and out of the classroom) more rapidly within a good boarding school environment.

I don't think I've selectively quoted anyone, have I? I quoted handcream's nasty post in full- but that was it.

Of course you have, taking quotes from posts without the context and therefore the implied subtext, it started with your first post in this thread. Are you a sensationalist journalist in real life I wonder

Just checked back- I stand by every post I made. I did C&P- but not "selectively".

If you are a journalist and c&p professionally your secret is safe on mumsnet as long as you are not with the DM

Hello OP. My son left Winchester last year and was very happy. He enjoyed some sport, but not all. So he did the sport he was interested in. Nb Interhouse football etc is something that many who do not make the first teams enjoy very much. If music is his thing, there is Chapel choir, or Cantoris for singing and many levels of orchestras. Plus many other activities - I mention music and sport, as they seem to be your son's interests.
I know not all the boys in my son's year were considered to be particularly academic, but all were good a something.
When we considered schools, I did wonder at the shared dorms in the first couple of years, but the boys loved it and by the top year he was very ready for his own room.
For us, Winchester was a success. He was stretched academically - they all are. His friends are all extremely polite, interesting and quietly determined young men. He has compared schools with friends who went to other places (of course they all think theirs are the best) and he has said that he thinks WC is more civilised than others. there is a tolerance for quirks and differences.
Just to note, you need to choose your housemaster with a view to your son getting on with him, rather than you getting on with him. Make sure your son and not just you meet a few. It is your son who will be subject to his rules and living there. Don't rely on the open day - book visits with housemasters until your son finds one he likes. The housemasters can move on, but strangely it takes a while for the ethos to change in the houses.
Good luck, they do grow up and change quite a lot, at the age of your son. It might be worth putting him down for a couple of boarding schools and some day schools and keeping your options open.

If you are not insecure in your choice then I should smile, nod and ignore. There is no point in explaining or justifying. People have set minds and they are not going to change them so it is a pointless waste of time.
I have had someone say in front of me that she wouldn't touch a certain school with a bargepole, when she knew full well that my son went there!! It was hugely tempting to wade in and put her right, but I did the sensible thing and let it go over my head. She was prejudiced, she had no first hand knowledge, she was not going to change her mind whatever I said. All that would happen was that I would get highly irritated by her attitude.
I was in for the long game, it was an excellent school for my children and ultimately they did much better than hers!
I also find that if you have someone openly critical of your choices it is more annoying for them if you don't give them a toe hold for debate- just a smile and a 'broken record' response of 'it suits us', is far more effective.