Coping with children's attitudes to private school

[GooseyLoosey]

There have been lots of threads here about the way in which adults view private education but I am looking for some advice in relation to children's perspectives.

I live in a small village and I took my children out of the village school in April. I am aware that some people have criticised my decision and perceive me negatively as a result. This upset and surprised me, but I am a grown up and can deal with this.

Because the community we live in is a fairly close one, I have tried very hard to ensure that the dcs remain a part of it. This means that they are still involved with village sports and I ensure that they still see village friends.

The problem is that ds (9) is now getting a lot of negative comments about the school he goes to, about how it is full of nerds and he will grow up to be a geek with no friends etc. etc. He is easily hurt and he wants to react to this by withdrawing from village life completely.

What do you think? Should I let him or should I encourage him to confront their views?

[happygardening]

Rabbitstew You clearly said that "if your not educated in a community then you are not fully part of it" I am unsure how you define a "community" but I live in what I define as a community the sort many dream of bringing their children up in. Here we have all ages no crime we dont lock our doors as a community we know our neighbours and greet them when we see them we shop in our local shops and bank in our local banks talke our pets to the town vets we know the town councillor the policewomen the GP lives 6 doors away and we know when people are there and when they're not and worry if they should be we participate in town activities carnival procession fireworks night rural cinema. It's not perfect or every bodies cup of tea but it is without a doubt a community. Many in my "community" don't have children but are as fully integrated as those that do. So you are wrong sending you child outside of the community does not have to mean that you are no longer part of it because being in a community is not just about schools.

[rabbitstew]

I was clearly referring to the OP, which was about a CHILD. I was not referring to the parents being part of the community or not?!!!!

[rabbitstew]

Do you really think that your ds at boarding school is as much part of the community as you are????? Sorry, but I think he's missing out on some of that and coming back in the holidays is not quite the same thing. I know my uncle and dh didn't think they were as much a part of the local community as the rest of their family, both having gone away to school.

[happygardening]

How do you define being part of the community? He knows all our neighbours, the local policewoman etc and for want of a better word barmy prominent people in our town. When home he too shops in the local shops attends town and community activities and even community consultations walks our dogs in parks and fields and greets strangers and even demonstrated against a local planning application. In fact he does as much if not more than those being educated here. Also I don't know where you live Rabbit but many children come to our highly regarded comp from up to 20 miles away in fact over 70% are bused in from the villages so they too are not being educated in their "community". But the community spirit experienced by nearly all who live here remains.

[rabbitstew]

Then you are lucky, happygardening. But would you really describe where you live as a village? 4,000 people sounds like a vast village to me, with ample opportunities to get involved in all sorts of different ways. Small villages are NOTHING like this and there are very limited ways to get involved rather than to just live in your house and commute to school and work and then come home again.

[rabbitstew]

I certainly don't think your experience is of any relevance to someone who has described themselves as living in a SMALL village.

[happygardening]

You are right Rabbit it is a town all be it a very small one. I came from a village with 15 houses so am pretty aux fait with the term village. I described where I live as a town but to those living in London it must sound pretty claustrophobic I thought 4000 people might sound like a village!!

[rabbitstew]

I now live in a small town, too (bigger than yours, though) and the possibilities for community involvement are far bigger than in the village in which I grew up. Where I grew up, since it wasn't the village with the school and shops and pubs and bus service, you went to church and sang in the choir whether you wanted to or not if you wanted to get to know people in the village, you visited all the elderly people who were living alone to talk to them and check they were OK, and you knew all about every person in the village, whether they were bitter about having had to go into service rather than go to the grammar school in town, who had been caught out having an affair with his secretary, who was an alcoholic etc. There was no hiding - unless you were blissfully unaware, because you commuted to work, came home and slept, then did the same again the next day, in which case you would be talked about in blissful ignorance. The OP's village doesn't sound that extreme, but it is clearly far smaller than your cosy sounding town! I can well imagine that in a small village, the withdrawal of a child from the local primary school is considered a notable event and will have a bigger impact on opportunities for involvement than it would in a town with something actually going on in it... so, if football is the only opportunity for involvement, now, then it is actually quite a big issue.

[happygardening]

"Where I grew up, since it wasn't the village with the school and shops and pubs and bus service, you went to church and sang in the choir whether you wanted to or not if you wanted to get to know people in the village, you visited all the elderly people who were living alone to talk to them and check they were OK, and you knew all about every person in the village, whether they were bitter about having had to go into service rather than go to the grammar school in town, who had been caught out having an affair with his secretary, who was an alcoholic etc. There was no hiding"
It sounds like the village I was bought up in no football club only hunting. The biggest crime was being a Baptist!! The vicar could have an affair with with the methodist lay preachers wife,but Baptists were talked about in the same tone of voice that people now talk about paedophilles!

[rabbitstew]

[hgrin]